Friday, October 30, 2015

Sympathy Pregnancy


I have heard about them and always wondered if they were possible. Thane didn't have one with Parker, but this time....who knows?

The other day we were talking about his work and he randomly mentions how hungry he has been. "Ya, I eat my breakfast and then I'm starving around like 930. I barely make it to lunch and then around 2:30 I need to eat again...and then by time I get home I'm SO hungry."

Sounds an awful lot like my life right exactly. So I teased him about having a sympathy pregnancy, when in reality it is probably because he climbs 8 flights of stairs like 70 times a day right now.

Then I gave into my jelly bean craving and bought two bags. I open them, have a few and put them away. A few minutes later Thane wanders into the kitchen and takes the bag with him back to the living room...and proceeds to eat like half of it. 

I just stood tehre with my mouth open watching him devour my pregnancy craving and being pissed because now when I "needed" them at 1:30 in the morning..they would all be in his damn belly. He finally looks at me and stops mid-hand shovel, "What?"

"Well, I didn't realize I was needing to feed your craving for jelly beans as well..."

He just shrugged and said, "Ya; either!"

To top it off, we had a Pi Day bridal shower so I was able to come home with some pie. Some amazing pie. 4 slices of it. 

I eat one...and it was delicious. I forgot to mention to Thane that if he ate the rest I would hurt him. 

So a few nights ago I am sitting in bed at 10:30 watching TV when suddenly I'm all like, "I NEED toast. Right now." I crawl out of bed and walk to the kitchen, and what do I find?

My husband. Bent over our kitchen table. Reading the paper, shoveling my pie in his pie hole, with the fridge door WIDE open. 

I just stopped and stared. Once again...mid face shovel, "What?" 

"Well why the F is the fridge door open?!!? and is that my pie!?" I look closer and there is 1.5 pieces left. 

He closes the door and goes "Um..I thought it was our pie?"

I looked at it, "How many pieces have you had??"

He grins..."This is my second?"

"And you would have eaten that 3rd if I hadn't just come out...don't you touch that 3rd piece."

"Well...I mean I wouldn't have eaten it tonight....but ya. I would have had it for breakfast."

UGH! I find it very interesting that at the exact moment I had a craving...he was already filling his. 

For the record. I ate my pie the next 2am. 

Stop judging. 

Hungry Hungry Hippo


When does the extra hunger kick in?

I am hungry...but I think the amount and how often I'm hungry is all in my head. There is no reason a baby as big as a poppyseed wants an egg, a bagel and then is still thinking about what is for lunch.

No, I think that is all in my head.

I should probably be careful because I'd like to actually show with this baby. I hate that awkward "Is she fat? or pregnant?" stage. I have a fear that may be my whole pregnancy.

I forgot that I stutter big time while pregnant.

Being tired is already a trigger of my stuttering, so as you can imagine it is pretty prevalent during pregnancy.

I had to give a tour today and it took everything in me to spit out every word...and stand up straight. No more coffee is slowly taking at tole on me.

Obviously its for a fantastic reason, but man. A stutter and no coffee? Ugh. But I guess it is better than getting sick every morning for 5 months.

Naps are quickly becoming my favorite thing in the world again. Today I had to stay late at work and instead of going to do my errands before I got P...I took a nap in the back. If it was warmer I would just go sleep in my car like I did when I was pregnant before...but no way today. It was bitter cold out!

1st Trimester Screening


We opted out out of this for Parker because it didn't matter. No matter what happened during that test it wouldn't change our minds. So what was the point?

This time we decided to do the screening.

Honestly, I really just wanted the ultrasound because our first 2 really sucked. We also thought it might be a good idea to just have a heads up in case anything were wrong with B Sutts II.

We did decide that we wouldn't take it past the ultrasound. If anything abnormal showed up we would deal with it and see what happens. At least we would know beforehand and not find out at birth.

Today was said test. Thane couldn't come with me because he had already gone into work late this week and he was going to try to be at P's program, so I went alone.

Bad idea.

Woke up this morning and rushed around getting ready. I had to be downtown by 8:00. Great time to try to get downtown. Dummy.

I go out to my car and notice that P's car seat isn't put back in my car. The car seat that I have *never* put in. I grumble and walk over to Thane's truck to put my stuff in when I realize I'm about to take his gigantic truck downtown Madison. No. Dumb idea.

So now I'm pissed. Beyond pissed. I have 4 minutes to figure out how to put a car seat in that I have never put in before. Great. Just great.

I call Thane and surprisingly hold back from swearing....and I manage to get the car seat in.

We head into work and of course I get stuck behind every slow person in the world. In. The.World.

Get to school and I try to rush Parker in. Ya.....that was smart. I pretty much had to leave him at the front door while I punched him in for the day. Then I had to go back and drag him away from the door because he was silently protesting walking into school. He is getting really good at that.

I rush him into his room, rush him to wash his hands, but I don't rush my goodbye. I never rush that. I hate saying goodbye to him in the morning. I gave him a million kisses and a pep talk for his concert, set him by his BFF and left.

I pull in the garage at 8:02...I was supposed to be there at 8 to check in. I am starving. So starving I'm drooling over the thought of a banana.

I walk in, stressed out about the time, and am hit with the most amazing coffee smell EVER. I miss coffee. So much.

I walk to the front desk...and then turn around. I need some food or I may pass out at this 2 hour appointment. I stand in line to by a yogurt parfait and when it is my turn she takes my card...and the guy who was in front of me broke the coffee pot handle.....

Seriously? I have 3 minutes to make it to my appointment and now everyone's attention is on the fricking coffee pot. "How could this happen!?" "Oh my gosh! How do we fix it!?" "I'm so's been a morning!"

Come on..can I have my card back? I really need to go....

I finally get my card and walk to the elevator while reading my directions...its not feeling right. I turn around to the front desk. They ask me if I have which I reply, "No...I'm a wreck right now."

Apparently, I was registered and I almost got on an elevator to the wrong place. Sweet life Pam.

After I did my paperwork I was left to my thoughts...and I got nervous. What if the tests showed something? I wished Thane had come. This was a lot to deal with on my own.

The genetic counselor came to get me and she was amazing. Sweetest person ever and put me at ease right away.

We went back to her office to talk things over and get some information on our family. I was fine up until the point where she gave me some paperwork on the illnesses they could find and we started to talk about it.

Obviously I knew what they were looking for, but when you actually hear a medical person tell you that they could find life threatening issues with your's a whole new ballgame.

I held back my tears as long as I could. It wasn't that long.

After that emotional meeting, I got to sit on a hard bench and wait to see my baby. This was the point where I really really wish Thane was with me.

The ultra sound tech came and got me and we headed back. She had the driest personality I have ever had the pleasure of taking too for about an hour too long.

So began the most uncomfortable and emotional ultrasound I have ever had.

First of all, she had to push so hard to get the type of pictures that she needed for her measurements. It really took away from the experience and the joy of seeing my child. When you have to breath through her rolling over your belly. Ugh.

When she got to the part where she measured the thickness of our babies neck to see the chances of our baby having down syndrome were, I couldn't take my eyes off the screen. I think it is if it measures over 4cm, the chances are higher for down syndrome. So I held my breath with each measurement she took..and tried to keep it together.

At one point, the baby wasn't cooperating and I had to get up and walk around. Hey..anything to prolong this wonderful experience.

Thankfully, in the end, every image showed that he was ok. No awful life threatening disease and from what she could tell no down syndrome.

If we decide to have a 3rd...we will *not* be doing this test.

Although, when I was telling another ultra sound tech that I wouldn't do this test again she did make a good point. "Wouldn't you want to know if your child wasn't going to make it very long after they were born? Wouldn't it change the way you parent for that short time?"

She told me that some of the diseases they can catch during that screening, they wouldn't catch right away when the baby was born without the screening. So, when you put it that way..maybe we would do the screening again...

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Nights are Long...

The other night was night 2 of Thane staying up for a final feeding while I go to bed around 10. This way I get a few solid hours of sleep, and he helps out but gets to sleep through the rest of the night because he has to work. 

Well...its the idea that I'd get to sleep a solid few hours. 

Of course at this point, we were on night 2 of the awesomeness known as cluster feeding. 

I crawled into bed, exhausted while Thane stayed up with J watching TV.

I woke up to J screaming during a diaper change...and ya know, stayed in bed for a while. Thane could handle it. 

I woke up again to him crying and I checked the time. 


I realized Thane needed to be up in 5 hours to go to work. I needed to get my ass out of bed and take his spot. 

He was finishing up feeding Jensen so I just sat with him. I was going to let him burp him..and most likely get puked on. It was too early in my night to have that happen.

He sighed, looked at me and said "He can smell fear."

I shook my head. "No babe, that was Parker. Jensen can smell sleep. The second you lay down, get comfy, and close your eyes he wakes you back up." 

Monday, October 26, 2015

Cluster Feeding

is the reason babies come out so cute.

They have to be...because cluster feeding is awful. So when you're feeding them for the 900th time...just 1 oz at a 3am you still look at them and smile and sigh because they are just so dang cute. 

That was my night last night...but I was smiling at him through my tears at 3am because I was beyond tired. 

Rewind to about 8pm when I was falling asleep sitting on the couch. Sitting..not laying. Thane told me to go to bed, but it was Saturday night...I was not going to bed at 8! So I toughed it out. Doing the head bob thing when you fall asleep and jerk awake. 

At one point, I gave him a hug and said, "I just want to sleeeep!!" He asked if I wanted him to take the shift tonight. I in fact did NOT want that. We had family pictures the next day and he had some side work. My response: "No, as much as I want sleep, I want you to not be crabby tomorrow even more."

He didn't say anything and then,"I can take the first shift?" Deal.

So I finally went to bed at 10:30. I know I know...I get pretty crazy on Saturday nights.

Thane brought him in around 11:45. 

Since my kid's stomach is like a clock, this meant I had exactly 3 hours to sleep some more.

11:50...he poops.

11:55....he is fussing.

11:56...I change him

11:58...put him back in his sleeper

12:00....still fussing.

and so my night begins. I would feed him 2 ounces, burp him, and try to get him to sleep..but he was always looking for more.

I tried putting him in his swing because that always works. What baby doesn't love their swing? Mine. 

And right now, he barely weighs anything so even the lowest setting makes it seem like he is going to be launched across the room. I can't sleep with him in that thing right now. It makes me nervous. 

I know what you're saying...well feed him more then. 

Ya. We are having issues with feeding. One of them being if we even feed him a half ounce more than he is used to, he throws it up. But if we wait for a bit, chances are he is will be ok. 

So this is how our night went. 2 oz at normal feeding time (1 oz every other time), he closes his eyes and looks like he is ready to sleep, lay down, quiet just long enough for me to settle in on the couch and wait, then cry and nuzzle for more. 


Until 2:45.

I apparently was moving a little slower than usual because Thane came wondering out of our room. J had been crying longer than usual. I stared at him and said, "I've been up since I left our room."

He offered to feed him, but I was almost done, so he just sat by me and rubbed my back. (Because he is the best husband in the world) and when J was done eating, we went to bed.

Put him in his sleeper, crawled in bed, got comfy, sighed and closed my eyes...he started fussing. 

Thane got up right away and I told him to come get me in 30 minutes..I only needed to sleep for 30 minutes and I would be good to go. Cat naps are what I am surviving on right now.

3:15 he comes back to bed and J sleeps til I wok him up at 8am this morning.

How did Thane do it? 

Just gave him 1 final oz.



I would have done that too but I was scared he would throw up and then we would start all over. 

He cluster fed 7oz over a course of 4 hours. He normally eats 2 oz every 3 hours.

I am thankful that he is keeping food down though. It hasn't been going well. That's another blog post. I definitely want to remember that terrible week. 

Sunday, October 25, 2015

The Final Post!!

We had been asking about every day when J would be circumcised; mainly because we were nervous about it. 

Parker, who was born 5 weeks early, had an issue when they tried to do his. Every time the doctor went to snip, he would bleed. A lot. So much that we had to have it done at the Children's Hospital. While the pediatrician was waiting for the bleeding to stop, she just left Parker strapped to the table, without a blanket on. When he came back to us I could tell his temperature had dropped big time (something we had been battling our entire stay.) They had to bring in a huge warming machine, that was broken, because skin to skin wasn't enough. Long story was awful and scary.  

So with that being our history with this procedure..needless to say we were a little nervous. 

We ask on Tuesday, and they say they aren't sure..but we will know soon.

Wednesday the pediatrician flies in our room and says she is there to take him to get his procedure done....while we have 5 people visiting us and 1 on the way. 

She looked around and was like, "orr we can do it tomorrow?" I said that Thursday would work much better...and man was she annoyed. 

So Thursday rolls around and everyone is asking us if we are leaving that day...which we weren't. We had planned on staying til Friday. Got a little bit of grief for that decision. The pediatrician asked if the ob-gyn oked it....someone asked if the pediatrician oked it...our cleaning lady thought we had already left...

I turned to Thane while they had taken J and said, "Well shit, if this goes well let's just go home. Apparently everyone is shocked we are staying anyways..."

It was fine though..I was going crazy. I missed Parker. I missed Bernie. I wanted to go home. 

They brought J back and proclaimed that he did great and there were no complications! Such a relief!!

The nurse leaves and about 3 minutes later Jensen loses it. Just loses it. Cries like he hasn't cried before. He doesn't cry much :) 

We try to shh him, swaddle him better, walk around with him. Nope. Screaming. 

We figured maybe he had peed and it was irritating his procedure. Thane opens his diaper...

blood *everywhere*

all over his diaper...dripping into his diaper.

It was the most horrible thing I have ever seen. 

Of course I freak out right away. Thane, the sensible thinking one, tells me to call the nurse in while he gets him a new diaper. 

The nurse walks in and checks his diaper while Thane explains what happened. She looks at the diaper and is like, "no, that's a normal amount of blood. I wouldn't worry about it." Thane points to the diaper he had just taken off.  She looked at it...and left to get a doctor.

At this point I am a mess. Jensen is screaming. I'm scared to touch him because I don't know if we move him if it will hurt even more.

Thankfully, they came in pretty fast. The pediatrician doesn't say anything, checks his diaper, hears about the other diaper and mumbles, "I didn't think there would be a problem." 

Thank God for Thane. He is really my rock. He stepped up big time at this moment. I sat there on the bed silently crying watching all of them look over Jensen, while he stood close to hear what they were saying. I physically couldn't stand there and listen. I didn't want to hear. I just wanted them to make the bleeding stop and fix our baby. 

The ended up taking him back to the circ room. They had all the tools they needed there and much better light. I look at Thane, "Ya. We are staying tonight."

They came back and had applied some surgi-foam on his penis, which made it look like a mummy. So weird...and terrible to see. Apparently when Thane took the diaper off, it pulled off a scab that was starting to form. The foam would help protect the scab and then we had to put like half a tube of Vaseline in his diaper as to not disturb the foam when changing him. 

Our doctor told us we would be staying the night and that the nurses should be the only ones to change him until we leave. 

He wasn't screaming anymore. 

Just thinking about it now makes me cry. My poor baby. 

Every time we had a shift change the nurses would come in together and change his diaper. The old nurse wanted to make sure the nurse coming on knew about it and how to do it. So my child, because he is my child, no more than 3 minutes after they would leave...he would poop. Every. Time.

It became a joke.

Friday rolls around. Discharge day!!!!

2 doctors from the preemie floor came in to check him over. They apparently see this more than other doctors do? They looked at him for a minute or two and said they weren't worried about it at all. It would heal nicely, just make sure to keep putting Vaseline in the diaper to keep it moist. 

The pediatrician came in to check him and was surprised that the foam was still on. She told us we *had* to see our doctor on Monday. Hopefully the foam wouldn't fall off before then...and left.

Thane and I looked at each other. "Hopefully???" I may have sworn a bit. How frustrating. We had to hope the foam didn't fall off and then hopefully it wouldn't start bleed everywhere? Awesome. It was going to be a long weekend. 

We started happily packing up our house...cause that is how much stuff we brought. She came back about half an hour or an hour later. 

Since we live so far away from Madison she wanted to send us home with the necessary tools to reapply the foam if need be. Of course, I took a step back and let Thane learn. We were obviously still hoping it would stay on until we got to see our doctor, but it gave me peace of mind knowing that if it did we could fix it without a co-pay. 

(It finally came off on Tuesday, my first day home alone. Awesome timing.)

So went got to bust out of the hospital around 1. Headed to GiGi's to get cupcakes to thank Joy and Alec for watching P. Well to thank Joy. Alec we stopped and got him beer. Then we went to work to get Parker! 

We walked into his room and he was playing with his friends. He finally looked over when someone was like "Parker's mom!" He got a huge smile on his face "Baby Jensen!!!!!!" 

Ya, he was excited to see us, but not the "I haven't seen you guys in 4 days!!!" excited. More like, "Oh hey mom and dad. Glad you're here. Let's go home."

I bent down and he came running over to say hi to his brother...along with ALL his buddies. He stood there with his hand on Jensen, looking at his friends, saying his name. It was adorable. 

I had a circle of 10 two year olds crowding around me. One kid touched his head annnnnd I had enough. I passed him over my head up to Thane so I could hug on Parker. 

His posse left me and crowded around Thane. Like circled around him and moved in. Some kid kept putting his hand in Thane's pocket. The rest of them were reaching for the baby. It could have been a zombie movie. 

We finally were ready to go and headed a family of 5. 

You can't forget about Bernie!

Saturday, October 24, 2015

Birth Story...Part V

I get in the operating room..and its as scary as I remember it being.  The difference this time was that I had time to build trust with my nurse and the doctor I loved were right there with me.

It is not the easiest to sit still during the medication needle while having awful contractions. My nurse was pushing on my shoulders, which I'm pretty sure she has to do to keep me straight, but it was really comforting. When she could stop on my shoulders, she held my hands so I could squeeze them. Between that and my doctor next to her telling me I was doing great and telling the anesthesiologist to stop because she could tell I was contracting...It was a way better experience than with Parker.

They didn't forget about Thane this time. As soon as my blue curtain was up, they went out and got him.  

The surgery itself went really smooth and fast. I didn't feel much. I could feel tugging..and that was gross. Well, I couldn't really *feel* it...I just knew it was happening and could feel my body moving. Very weird sensation. 

The anesthesiologist told us that J was about to come out and I made Thane watch. Which I'm sure was amazing..and disgusting at the same time. My anesthesiologist gave me a play by play. "here comes his butt....oh his feet! His belly..........his shoulders...oh his head! He is out!!"

Then I heard him cry. I cried. 

What an amazing sound. 

He was ok!

I can't believe how fast he came out and how fast the surgery really was. It seemed to move so much faster then with Parker. It did take forever to stitch me up though! That was unpleasant too. 

Thane went to help clean J up and then he brought him over to me. He was perfect. Adorable. Safe. He asked if I wanted to hold him. Of course I did, but like with Parker I had no idea how to hold him on my chest without dropping him off me. I'm laying flat and not a lot of me wasn't covered by the blue tarp. 

My nurse Tamra, steps in. "Do you want to hold him?" Me: "ya..but it's ok. I think I'd drop him." She shook her head, took him from Thane, "You're holding him" She expertly laid him on me to do skin to skin and I cried some more. It was amazing. Such a great feeling.

I could actually kinda see him too. It's hard to see your baby when he is swaddled and someone else is holding him. I say kinda because he was kinda right at my chin. Like I said, not a lot of room up there during the surgery...but it was enough. And I was so thankful. 

I loved that nurse. She was pushy..but for all the right stuff. She is really good at her job and I'm lucky she was assigned to us :) 

We got to the recovery room and watching Thane was adorable. 

This man couldn't stop staring at Jensen and smiling. Literally. I think his face must have hurt after a while because he was smiling SO much. I tried to talk him out of texting people because it was like 11:30 when he wanted to do it, but ya...that didn't work. He was too pumped up. 

I loved it. The next most amazing thing to having a to see your husband react like that to said baby.  Makes you love them even more...which I didn't think was possible. 

We ended up being in recovery for a very, very, long time.

Thane and I were just staring at J when our recovery nurse got on the phone and we hear her say, "She went in to AFib. Twice." She said some more stuff, hung up, and left. 

I looked at Thane, "Um...who went into AFib?????? She doesn't have another patient does she?" Thane just shrugged and looked as confused as I was. 

She comes back with Tamra and my doctor. They look at the screen and Dr Yanke turns to me, "How are you feeling? Any shortness of breath? Any dizziness?" 

Me, "No? I mean I am shivering but I'm assuming that's because I just had a pretty big surgery?"

Yanke nods and tells me that I went into AFib twice for about 10 minutes...or with in 10 minutes of each other..which ever one makes more sense. I'm no doctor and I was drugged up. 

Another thing I missed because of the drugs? Why Jensen's ear was folded over like he came out with cauliflower ear. Apparently he was mushed up against my uterine wall for a while and his ear got bent. It has thankfully since unfolded and looks normal again :) ...until he really does get cauliflower ear. 

So anyways, there were a few options of what was going to happen. Either I had to go to the cardio floor so they could monitor me. Thane and J could "hopefully" come with me, but they needed to monitor me for a few more hours or all night to make sure I was ok. The other two involved going to the baby floor and something else happening there. The only option I really heard was that I may not be able to spend the night with my husband and new baby. 

Thankfully, I was able to go to the baby floor and they could remotely monitor me from the 11th floor. Thank god because then I could stay with Thane and J.

My nurse was a float on the baby floor and the cardiac floor..she was the best of both worlds and she was my favorite nurse the entire stay. With that being said...Meriter nurses are *amazing*  I loved them all and they were so helpful!!

They finally took me off of the monitors a few hours later, I think, because everything appeared to be totally normal again. They had to be sure to call the 11th floor and tell them I didn't need to be monitored anymore....or they would think I died. 

Everything went great..until J's circumcision. Ugh. 

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Longest Birth Story Ever..Part IV

So the nurse/doctor..whatever title she had told me Jensen was breech and I just stared at her. I shook my head and told her "Of course he is...I grow em that way." Ugh.

Things started to move a little faster after they realized he was breech. Blood started getting drawn. Lots of questions for me to answer. 

Finally Thane got there. He walked in and the first words out of my mouth were, "I'm ok! I'm sorry I freaked you out." His shoulders dropped and he nodded. I may have freaked him out a bit... I then told him to call my mom because I had called her sobbing and I'm sure she was freaking out too.

He got off the phone and I filled him in. Water didn't break, poop and breech.

I was having pretty hard contractions once he got there and lucky for him squeezing the bar behind my bed helped me more than squeezing his hand. My nurse asked me if I wanted something to take the edge off the pain since it could be an hour and I told her no. I would work through them.

All of a sudden someone walked around the curtain and made everything better. MY doctor! She was there!! I wouldn't have to have the awful one I talked to on the phone. Thank. God. I loved my doctor. 

She was there to let me know that there were two of us waiting on a C-Section and at the moment it was looking like I was going to get bumped. I was totally ok with that as long as my son was ok. I knew that if the other woman was needing to go first that her baby could be in danger or the mom for that matter and who can be upset about that?

She wanted to check and see how dilated I was again. I made her wait because I felt a contraction coming and the last check was still very vivid in my mind. 

It turned into the most intense, whole body, painful contraction yet. Thane's hand didn't get so lucky this time. His hand was more comforting than a metal bar.Weird. My nurse reminded me to breath through it, because during another one I had held my breath and J's heart rate dropped. It lasted about 8 hours...or a minute that seemed like 8 hours and just as it was letting up, another one started. I couldn't breath. I couldn't talk. All I could think was "please God don't let me go into active labor and have to have an emergency c-section." That was NOT on the birth plan. 

I didn't care to reread any of the contraction/labor things in any of the baby books....I didn't reread anything in the baby books. Maybe I should have. I had no idea what it meant that they were getting stronger yet not super close. Hence why I was worrying about having an emergency c-section. 

She checked. 4cm dilated. 

She asked again if I wanted the drugs and I said yes before she finished her sentence. If I was going to have an hour of contractions like that...I may die. I don't think I would have been able to do a natural birth with no meds. 

That was my plan with P. Go natural as long as possible. I didn't want to be confined to the bed with an epidural for the entire time. I wanted to be able to walk around and work through most of it on my own and get an epidural when it came time to push. Ya..that worked out well. I give you all props who have done that....its just not for me. 

Before my doctor left she asked my nurse how close my contractions were and then asked me if they were all as intense as the one I just had. She asked again when I had eaten last. "12:30 lunch. 1:30 Reeses Pumpkins. 5:30 Starbursts. I just bought Halloween Candy..."

She left and came back about 5 minutes later and said I was going to have a baby in about 15 minutes. About 30 minutes sooner than first anticipated. I'm guessing my situation became a little more serious after everything that had happened at the hospital. 

Monday, October 19, 2015

J's Story...Part III

I sat in a chair waiting for my call. I could have just gone up to the 4th floor, but my doctor was so adamant on making sure I called ahead so they could call ahead and Meriter would know we were coming. I decided to follow her directions...and I felt silly. What if I wasn't in labor?

The doctor called back and sounded SO annoyed that I had missed her first call. She asked my symptoms and why I thought I was in labor. She sounded skeptical that I was in labor, especially when I mentioned I had been in on Saturday. "So, you *think* your water broke? Sigh...well I guess based on what you are telling me, you might as well head in and be checked out. I will call them and tell them you are on your way."

"Um..I'm already here."

"What?! What do you mean you are already there???"

"Well, I live 40 minutes or more away from Meriter and I didn't want to head home to have you tell me to come back in. I'm in the lobby. I didn't go up yet."

"Well then." She literally snapped at me. "I guess I will call them back, since I called when you didn't answer my *first* phone call and told them about you. I will call them and tell them you will be up any minute."

I wish I had been focused enough to actually catch her name. I would have gladly complained about her. 

This was my favorite part: "You said you have a c-section scheduled for Friday?" Me: "ya." Moody Doctor: "Ok, so then would you like to have a natural birth today if you are in labor? or still stick with a C-Section??" Me: having a contraction. "No no...I want a C-Section" Her: "Really? Hmm. C-Section it is then." I don't know her exact words for that part but I remember that she spit the words out and was very unimpressed I was not going natural. 

I was NOT happy. I knew my doctor wasn't on call that night which meant that this horrible, unsupportive person was going to be cutting me open to retrieve my child. I was not looking forward to meeting her and having to talk to her after she was just so rude to me. I text Thane had his response was "Do I need to punch them in the neck!?"

Apparently he was a little on edge. 

I get up to triage and they ask for my ID. Which I then realize is still in Thane's wallet from Saturday. I explained that to her and offered to pass a test on my medical history. They didn't find that as funny as I'd hoped. She handed me some papers and asked if I remembered the way back. Sadly I did.

Luckily at this point my experience with the staff went uphill drastically. I loved every other person I came in contact with from this point on. Thank God. 

So anyways, my intake nurse, was amazing. My contractions were becoming more real. and when I say more real...I mean more painful. They started to come about every 10 minutes. 

They did the cotton swab test again to see if my water broke, but we were all pretty sure because I had stuff going on down there. 

Thane was still at home waiting for me to call him. I started to panic a bit. My contractions were getting stronger. Not closer, yet, but much stronger. When she left to take my swab to the lab I called him. I was upset when he answered and asked him to come in even though I didn't know what going on yet. I told him I was starting to get nervous and my contractions were really bad. I didn't care if it was a false alarm, I needed him to hold my hand. 

I also had this fear that if he didn't start in then, this kid was going to come before he got there. I didn't let him know this part. No need for him to worry any more. 

One of my nurses came in and looked at me, took a deep breath and "Your water didn't break?"

I stared at her...and started to cry. "Seriously?? You have got to be joking."

She nodded. She was confused too. I had another contraction and couldn't talk. I was too busy squeezing the metal bar behind my head. When it was done I looked at her and told her that I was not letting her send me home. I was not having my baby on the side of Hwy 151. 

She agreed and then decided we would check and see if I was dilated. 

Talk about awful. 

While she was checking I had another contraction. I would like to compare this experience to what I would imagine pouring salt on a werewolf bite while jabbing a nail into my stomach would feel like. For like a full 2 minutes. Ya. I think that is pretty accurate. 

Nurse, "Hmm...well you are dilated to 3....I wonder" pulls her entire arm out (maybe I'm exaggerating) "why....oh my." I stop seeing black in time to see her hand has something all over it. I assume it's blood but then she says "oh...I think this is meconium."  She notices my blank stare and explains that she thinks our baby has pooped in me. She wipes her hand on a towel and says she is going to go find a doctor. She ran out. 

This is the part where I lose it. 

Everything I have ever heard about a baby pooping inside while delivering is that it's really bad. Add this to my anxiety about my contractions being so intense already that he will come out before Thane got there. I was convinced I'd be heading to have an emergency c-section before Thane got there. I didn't want him to miss it. I didn't want to do it alone.  

I called him sobbing to find out where he was. Thank God he was by St Mary's which meant he would be with me in just a few minutes. Apparently I didn't tell him what was going on..just asked him where he was while sounding awful and then hung up. I can't imagine what I put him through :/

I called my mom, still slightly hysterical, and told her to go up and get Parker. She asked if everything was ok and I said I didn't want to talk about it...I didn't know....just go get him. 

I sat there, by myself, crying..worrying about our son. 

Finally another nurse came in, sat down, and told me no matter what we were going to have a baby tonight. I asked her if everything was ok since he pooped in me, or if that put us on a time crunch. She got me to calm down by letting me know that they let people who were having natural births go through the entire labor when this happens. We would just definitely be having him tonight. 

Our baby was safe. 

If only someone had told me that about 5 minutes sooner....

She got up to get a handheld ultra sound and asked if we were still having a C-Section. I could still choose natural if I wanted, but I let her know I still wanted a C-Section. The ultra sound was more necessary if we were doing a natural birth, but she said we may as well see where he was hanging out. 

She put it on the right side of my belly button, where his head was and has been for the past 4 weeks....and made a face. 

I looked at her, "No..he is there. He turned a few weeks ago. He is still in there!" 

She smiled and moved the end up by my ribs, "Well..he is still in there but he turned back. Your baby is breech. Guess your having a C-Section no matter what now!"

Sunday, October 18, 2015

J's Birth Story...Part II

Sunday comes and goes with no major events. I had Braxton Hicks, but nothing I worried about.


Monday sucked.

I was all pumped up when I got up because it was going to be my last Monday for 12 weeks!! I may have even been on time to work?

I sit down at my desk and boom. Contractions.

I ignored them because well... had them Saturday too..and nothing happened.

10 minutes later...had some more.

They were short and irregular.

I was in Amanda's room complaining..."Ya know. I'm not having this kid naturally...I don't *need* to have contractions to get ready. I don't think my body got the memo."

Apparently I was being a baby all day because every time I saw someone they would ask me if I was ok.

I was in a conversation with Amanda and got another round. She kept talking and I tried really really hard to just focus on what she was saying. I don't think I did a good job because as soon as it was over she asked "Did it pass?"

Opps. I don't think I hide pain very well...

I decided maybe I should start writing them down and keeping track just to be sure. All day I thought about Heather who had contractions all day at work...and then it carried on at her house. I won't tell her birth story...but it definitely could have just happened to us!

So I downloaded an app to keep track. Ya. That was worthless. It's hard to hit that start stop button when you have to unlock your phone every time. Doesn't really make it very accurate. Instead I used this thing called....a pen and paper.

The contractions weren't hard and I could talk through most of them. Although I didn't want to. They were not consistent and not long at all.

Walking really sucked. I tried to not do it.

I knew I must be looking bad if my boss kept offering me people to do all my errands that involved moving from my desk. He asked me a few times why I was still at work. I was definitely debating changing my end date to Wednesday so I could just relax on Thursday before surgery.

I knew I *had* to go to Target on my break. We were out of NutriGrain bars, bread, and milk. 3 staple items in my house. One of which causes major tantrums in the morning if we don't have.

Have you ever had to walk through Target while having contractions and a baby sitting on your bladder? I wasn't the most enjoyable of Target trips. I'm surprised I didn't break the plastic handle on my cart with how hard I was squeezing it.

Like I said.....I have a very low pain tolerance I guess.

So I went to Target for those 3 items and left with $100 in random crap that I thought we really needed. I had to laugh at myself when I really looked at my cart...and then updated my status. "Either there is a blizzard coming or I am having a baby this week!" My cart was seriously like a dooms day cart. I panicked that we wouldn't have enough fruit snacks and juice. Grabbed 3 boxes of cereal we like. Market Pantry nutrigrain bars were on SALE and CARTWHEEL! Boom. Bought 8.

Got back to work with just enough time to put my milk and such in the fridge.

I enjoyed my afternoon of Braxton Hicks. Got pretty much all of my important stuff done for when I'm gone.

5:56: I remember I have groceries in the fridge and go get them. Big win for me. Remembering I have stuff in the fridge at work.

5:58pm: I was annoyed at how many kids were still there when we close at 6. I figured I should take my 800th trip to the bathroom for the day. We live about 30-40 minutes away from KJ and that is a long painful drive when you have to pee.

5:58.34: I get outside my office and a terrible contraction starts. I turn to head back to my chair so I could sit through it. Then I get a entire stomach tightening, hard, yelp in pain contraction...and a gush.

My water broke. At work. Awesome.

I run in the office to get my purse. Well, I didn't run...3 of my coworkers were in there and I asked Whitney to put away my groceries. I wasn't going home for either a few hours or a few days so best not to take it. I think I explained to them my water broke and we all freaked out. 

I remember them going, " this it!? Should we drive you to the hospital?!" I think that is what they said at least. I think my response was, "Fuck. Call my husband."

Which was stupid to say because none of them have Thane's number, my phone has a lock on it, and I wasn't sure if they would look under P's account in our system to get it.

I'm walking to the bathroom when another coworker comes out holding a picture day form "Pam!! What do I do with this? Do I keep it? Do I have the teachers keep it? Do we file it?"

"I DON'T know! I am really not concerned about that right now!!" Speaking of that...can someone tell her that I was going to have my baby soon..I wasn't trying to be a bitch?

I go the bathroom, come back, grab my purse and say "Well, I'm leaving." Thank god they were there so I didn't have to worry about closing up for the night.

They kept offering me to drive me to the hospital, but that would be silly because then how would they get home? So I had Nicki help me take some stuff to my car and headed out.

I called Thane, crying, a lot. I was in pain...and heading to the hospital alone.

He was thankfully at home with Parker. He told me to let him know what the doctors said and he would be right in. My mother in law was coming to stay with Parker just in case...but I think we both had the mentality that this could be a false alarm again. He didn't want to head in and leave Parker if he didn't need to. Which was totally fine because I was thinking the same thing. Although, he did finish packing up our bag. 

You are supposed to call the your doctor first and then wait for their call to head to the hospital but ya. We live far away. I felt I was in labor. Zero chances of me heading home and waiting for their call. I still called....I just happened to be on my way to Meriter while waiting for a call back. 

I called my mom on the way to let her know and started to cry. Not because I was in pain or nervous about having J. I was nervous that I wasn't in labor. Again. I would feel like a total asshat if I went in again and had to go through the test etc and wouldn't leave with a baby. Again. 

Thank God it wasn't rush hour. Thank God I only had 2 minor contractions while driving. Well, once I got to the parking garage I had a pretty intense one. 

I had apparently missed the doctor's call and had to call back. So I sat in the lobby and waited for my phone call. 

Friday, October 16, 2015

J's Birth Story, Part 1

This story begins on Saturday 130 am.

I woke up with contractions. I lay in bed deciding if I should wake Thane up or not.

no no...wait. Let's go back to Friday night. I freak out and make Thane help me clean the whole house because I am convinced I am going to have J that weekend. I told my coworker I probably wasn't coming in on Monday because he was coming this weekend.

So Friday night, we cleaned, packed our bags, and got some last minute things done.

Saturday morning when I woke up, I panicked.

I hadn't checked over Parker's bag yet. It was going to be 70 on Sunday and all I had packed were clothes for cooler weather.

I had 2 bills to pay that would be due on Monday.

I had to get my makeup bag together.

I had to unload the dishwasher. 

Did all that in like 20 minutes...I then proceeded to crawl back in bed after I convinced myself that I was not have real contractions.

I was in and out of bed from that moment til about 3am. Checking to see if my water broke. Thinking about what we forgot to pack. Walking the hallway. Debating if I should call my mom to come be with Parker.

At 3 my better judgement..the rational side of my mind... kicked in and I fell asleep.

P and I woke up at 8:30. Thane had gone to work.

I was helping P in the bathroom when I felt my water break.

So. Call the doctor. Call Thane. Call my mom.

I had time to take a shower because Thane had to get home first and my mom had to get to our house.

Thane got home while I was drying my hair and he came bursting in our room. He saw me and exhaled. He informed me he was convinced the entire way home that he was going to get in the house and Parker would be playing with his trucks...and I'd be having the baby on our bedroom floor. When he saw me standing. drying my hair, he could breath again. 

An hour later...

we had taken a last family of 3 picture.

had our car packed. 

we had Parker and Bernie settled in my parent's car.

we were on our way to the hospital.

I asked Thane how he didn't wake up at least one of the 800+ times I got out of bed last night. He told me it was actually the best nights sleep he has had in weeks. I couldn't help but laugh at how appropriate that was considering we wouldn't have a good night's sleep for the next.....18 years.

So we head it. Driving to the hospital to have your baby is a lot different when you aren't sobbing because it is 5 weeks too early.

We get there. Check in. Yada yada.

My nurse informs me that we need to do a test to see if my water did in fact break. "I have to stick this Q-Tip in your vagina. It will feel scratchy. I have to hold it there a minute."

My response? "Oh?? Only a minute?!"

She looked at me to see if I was being sarcastic or not...which of course I was and laughed, "Ya....its a super long awkward minute...for everyone."

My doctor was at Meriter that weekend on call so she came in to give me my results. "Good news? You can eat!!!! Bad baby."

I felt like I had been punched. 

No baby? Thane had just talked me into being ok with him coming early. I was excited about finally holding him. I hadn't eaten in like 15 hours! I was ready to go.

I was so bummed and told Thane as he hugged me "I wanted a baby today."

He told me.." we still have a baby. We just can't meet him yet."

That snapped me out of it. We were lucky enough to still have a healthy baby inside me...growing and getting stronger. Not everyone has that. 

Not only did I feel like an idiot for thinking I was in labor, now how was I going to know when I WAS in labor??

It took so much to convince me this time that I was in labor, next time it would be damn near impossible for me to make myself go in.