Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Everybody Poops

So my day sucked. Big time. Talk about anxiety. Ugh.

It's my early day on Wednesdays, so I was looking forward to coming home to hang out with Parker.

Why wasn't I looking forward to hanging out with Thane? He's gone all night :( I probably won't see him until at least June of 2015. He's got a lot on his plate and I totally appreciate all the hard work he is putting into our dreams coming true. :)

Moving on. P and I had dinner together and I was beyond anxious to go somewhere. I couldn't sit inside for the next 3 hours. I had to do something besides pack! I decided we would walk to the park. 

Walking with a 1 year old to the park is an experience in itself. I took the stroller because I knew he wouldn't walk back..and 30 lbs is a lot to carry uphill for 3 blocks. We stopped to look and dandelions, play with a for sale sign, look at car rims, walk up random people's driveways. I love my kid. At one point during our walk, I'm running up a driveway to stop him from pulling someones plant from a planter...and then the stroller rolls into the road. 

I bet I could have given someone a heart attack. I panicked. because well...those things are expensive! 

We finally make it to the park and it's packed. I didn't want to go because there were so many people there but I looked at P who looked SO excited, he looked back at me and said, "YA!" I realized I can't hold him back just because I didn't want to hang out with 10 of my neighbors kids. So I sucked it up and he had an awesome time. :) 

As we were playing I noticed how much of a hot mess my child was. Chocolate frosting on his shirt, little bits of ketchup still on his face, chocolate on his neck. Can you say mom of the year?

Yup...leaving for a bath. 

Fast forward to bath time. P is standing in the tub scream talking at me. Nothing new here. Then he squats down and keeps playing. I look at him joking...."Parker Pants are you pooping?"

"Blah blah!!"

I just laughed and handed him a toy....he reached for it and then stopped mid-air. 


Literally. All of a sudden I look and there are rabbit turds....everywhere. 

Come on kid! 

I try to get him out and he is about to grab a nugget. Luckily I'm faster. 

So now, I have a naked kid prancing around my bathroom, gabbing happily, and all I can picture is him peeing on the cabinets. The cabinets hat are only ours for like 3 more weeks. He is too busy playing with absolutely everything in the drawer to have time to stop and pee so I am quickly trying to clean the tub.

He then runs to the kitchen. Then back in the bathroom. I quickly look on the kitchen poop. Thank god. I reach for him and he books it back into the kitchen....

and steps in poop. 

Of course.

Tonight....being a single mom really sucked. 

On a brighter note. My butt fit down the slide tonight.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Walls are Bare

We are moving!!!!!

Well...pending the closing. As long as this lady's house sale also goes though...we are moving!!!!!!

We started to pack the day we got the first offer. I was worried it would jinx things, but apparently it didn't.

We are moving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I still can't believe it. We close June 18th. Exactly 3 days before the 1 year mark of our house being on the market. Thank God. 

We don't have much time to pack, but it's enough. So we are taking it night by night. 

Last night: I have no idea what we packed.

Tonight's Goal: get everything off the walls, patch the holes, and pack them up. 

Speaking of pack them up. I went to Office Depot today to buy bubble wrap. They happened to be having a sale, buy 2 get one free. So I got 3....of the biggest rolls of bubble wrap I have ever seen. 

I lug them up the cashier who looks over her counter at me coming and says, "Got bubble wrap?"

Ha! I liked her. 

I told her I felt like an was SO much wrap. Then I said...but you gotta have it.

She looked confused and asked what I needed it for. What else do you use bubble wrap for? Wrapping shit up to move it or store it. I joked that I was going to let my kid play with it...she thought I was serious. 

Sigh..people don't get me. Besides that though...she was pretty funny. I give her an A. 

So anyways. We started to pull things off the walls and wrap them up. And we got to our wedding/Parker's picture collage. 

I love that thing. So much. Emily Milligan did an amazing job taking our wedding pictures. Heather Tyler did an amazing job with P's 1 year pictures. Thane did a great job hanging them all up. I hated to take it down!

I was almost crying taking it down. Don't get me wrong, I know it's going back up...but not for like a year! A YEAR! That's a long time. 

Selling your house is pretty emotional apparently. We have done so much here. Partied. Cried. Drank. Laughed. Celebrated Halloween. Never used our deck to eat on. 

 It's the place where we became a family. 

The place where I walked into my son's bedroom the first night and Thane said., "Careful, he can smell fear."

The place where Parker threw up all over the wall. The joys of acid reflux.

The place where all my girls came and hung out on the couch on a Saturday night because I had some kinda cabin fever a week after P was born. 

I'm so thankful for all the memories we have made in this place and while I can't wait to start the new chapter in our's a little harder to leave this chapter than I thought it would be. 

But we must move on!! and I can't wait. :)

We are moving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, May 3, 2014

What a F'in Morning. was that good. 

I started at 6:40 with an alarm clock. (Cue 100+ pound dog flying off the bed.) I flung myself over to shut it off so I wouldn't wake Thane up, but some some reason I couldn't shut it off. 

Ya. It wasn't mine. Thane has to work this morning and he was sleeping through the beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeping.  

6:41- alarm is finally shut off.

6:42. Whimpering dog. 

Bernie doesn't whimper when he has to pee. He just sits there and puts his paw on Thane. Repeatedly. Its hard to ignore a 100 pound dog hitting you with his paw. This morning though...whimpering. Whimpering = I'm about to pee on your floor. 

Thane was also sleeping through I got up to let him out. 

What's this dog do? Poop juuuuuust over the land line in our neighbor's yard. The neighbor who hates us because our dog poops in his yard. I can't go clean it up though..because who wears pants to let their dog out at 6:42 in the morning?

I went back to bed. I wake up at 7:30. No Parker crying....check the monitor to make sure its on. It is. Win. Fall back asleep.

8:30 I wake up again. Check the time. Freak out. 

I ran to check to make sure my son was still breathing. He NEVER sleeps til 8:30. He has to be not breathing. (Ya...apparently that fear never goes away.) Nope. I throw open his door and he is just sitting there...chewing on his blankie....smiling. 

Oiy. I realize I feel like shit. Parker let me sleep til 8:30....I don't even know the last time that happened. 

Anyways, I had to go into Madison today to mail some stuff, and I was going to work out. The plan was to leave by 9:30. Weird how I talked myself out of that. I decided at 9 that we were going to go in. 

So....make breakfast...get Parker dressed...get myself dressed..Bernie proof. Go. Easy right? ( read that blog post)

Fast forward. I got Parker all dressed and we went in to get myself somewhat presentable. It's just the UPS store....its kinda like Wal-Mart right? As I'm putting on my make-up I hear the famous "poop grunts." Of course. 

Finish up myself and go clean up P. Then I remember that Bernie pooped in the neighbor's yard. Its a nice day and he is *obsessed* with mowing his yard. So I take all the kids outside to pick up. 

I let Parker walk down the sidewalk that is right next to our house, the one that leads to the door, while I run to the spot where Bernie did his business. One eye on Parker, one eye on my task. 

Then I put 2 eyes on P because he has decided he wants to walk down the driveway towards the road....and my now blind fingers find the only gigantic hole in the bag. Cue sticking my fingers in dog shit. Then I try scramble to pick up the fallen out poop and get shit all over my other hand. 

P is gathering speed. 

I drop the bags and run in front of him..with plenty of time to spare might I add before you think I'm a bad mom. to pick up your child, who is all ready to go for the day, when you have poo on both hands? Well you scoop him up with the inside of your elbows of course.

I scoop him up...and look over....Bernie is pooping. Again. In the neighbor's yard. Again. 

I waddle inside. In case you didn't waddle when you are hunched over (just in case you drop your child) while holding a 30 lb kid with your inner elbows. Thankfully I didn't close the door on the way out, and get into the kitchen. Put P down....put a load of soap on my hands....and kid is back out the door. 

Sigh. Finish washing my hands....turn the corner to go outside...can't see P. I of course panic, but then realize he was just in a weird blind spot, right next to the front door. I grab a new bag and devise a new plan. 

I guide Parker into the grass with me. If he is by me, he can't go near the road. right? So I bend over to pick up the new poop...he toddles towards the sidewalk to the road. He was two steps from me, so no need to run this time. I look at the sidewalk and think "huh..the grass didn't seem wet."

Nope. Parker had just stepped in the dog poop that had fallen out of the gigantic bag from a few minutes ago. I pick him up to inspect and take off the shoe..and the shoe almost hits me in the face. Poop ALL over it. 

I get everyone back in the house, and set to get the poop out of the bottom of his shoe. What's P do? Proceed to take every bottle of baby shampoo, put them in his mouth, and them throw them like he is the Hulk into the bath tub. 

Get everything cleaned up, grab P, run into his room quick to get a Fresh Market Thermal I had to mail today, pick it up..and it falls out of the bag.

I almost lost my shit. (like I almost went nuts....)

I had to put Parker in his crib and walk out of my house. 

I decide at this point, Bernie is coming with us. I don't have the patience to dog proof. So I get all the kids in the car and leave. 

I decide on the way that if anyone looks at me funny for wearing a tank top when its only 56* out I will politely say...."do you have a one year old? No? Then don't judge me." 

I'm f'in sweating. 

Best part? I get to the UPS store and find out it will cost me $100 to ship 3 things. 


I didn't mail them. Wasted trip.

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