Wednesday, May 9, 2018

Blame it on the Rain

The storm last night. 

It was a good one. 

I used to love sleeping while it was raining. The sound of the rain was relaxing..especially on a Sunday morning when I was going to sleep in. 

A loud clap of thunder would wake me up at let's say...7 and I would get to roll back over and fall asleep to the sound of the rain. Maybe snuggle in with Thane and call it good til 10am. The perfect Sunday.

Then we had kids. 

Now a storm at night is nice to fall asleep to...but I lay there wondering if one of the kids will wake up screaming. 

Last night went like this. 

Me passed the F out..because that is how I sleep now. Hard. Yet any little sound usually wakes me up. 

and all of a sudden....BOOM!!!!! Downpour.

My eyes fly open and I lay really still to listen to see if anyone is crying. I thought I heard Jensen so I lay awake listening as hard as I could. 

He is on the top bunk so if he wakes up and wants to get down..he can't. I guess the other night he had a nightmare and was crying out for me. I say "I guess" because I am Mom of the Year and didn't wake up to it. So I think that guilt played a factor in how often I was up last night listening for anyone to wake up terrified. 

Once I was sure no one was awake and scared I drifted off to sleep only to be woke up by another BOOM and more pouring rain. 

Now I laid there trying to figure out how we will fit two kids and Bernie in our Queen sized bed. Parker alone is too much but now what if Jensen needs to come in? Maybe someone could use Bernie as a pillow...

I feel back asleep without a solution to that one. 

The last time I woke up I laid there doing a mental checklist of all the shit we have outside. (Hi..those neighbors here. Nice to meet you!) Racking my brain to make sure all the important stuff was inside. It went something like this:

Battery operated corvette...ya Thane said they pulled it in and I didn't see it when I came home. Not getting up. 

Garage door...down. According to Thane. If it wasn't I could bitch at him in the morning when all the garage sale stuff was wet. Not getting up. 

Water table on the deck. Well Pam..it's a water table. It's ok to be out in the rain..but shit the lid. I had the lid laying on the deck full of water for Camden to splash in. Ehh...if it blows away it will just end up against the deck railing. Not getting up. 

Kitchen window closed? What if I didn't close it and Alexa gets wet!? How will we set the bedtime timers? How will we find out the weather?! How will we play Eric Church Pandora Radio when I need a mental break?! Oh wait..ya no. It's closed. 

Rugs I cleaned yesterday and laid out on the deck to dry. Well shit. 

Those were out there still. 

I laid there wondering if they had already blown away. I finally decided that they would be too water logged to go anywhere. Then I got pissed that I'm going to have to wash them again. Unless they did blow away...I almost got up.

Then I decided no. I'll just buy a new damn rug for the bathroom because gray was boring anyways. And we don't use the one in front of the toilet anymore because with two little boys...its a really gross idea. So who cares if that one is gone?

Then I realized that no..I can't buy a new one. If we ever want to build a house I can't keep buying shit we don't need like a $14 rug from Target. ....Unless they are on sale next week or on CartWheel. Then it's meant to be. 

I almost got up and then nope. I decided if both of the rugs had been taken in the storm we will just use a towel to step on when we get out of the shower so no one dies. The new rug can come when we redo the bathroom.

I know you're all dying to know by now...both rugs made it through the storm. Yet...as concerned as I was about them last night...

they are still on the deck. 

Monday, May 7, 2018

Never Miss a Monday

I did it. 

I set my alarm and I got up at 5:45 today. 

It is a little easier when you husband comes in to say goodbye and wakes you up at that time but still. I didn't fall back asleep. I tricked myself and took a few minutes to check my phone which usually tells my body its time to get up. Because morning routine and all. 

Thane still called me at 6:15 to get me up to workout..ya I make him do that. It was actually super helpful though because he made me feel guilty for thinking about quitting halfway through. All he said was "Oh ya? Good job! K love you." But I felt guilty...you know how it is.

Was my workout pretty? Oh God no. I will admit I stopped the last round because I was just done.  I was so excited to still have almost an hour to myself to drink coffee and blog that it pulled my head out of the game.  I did make it through 2/3 of the my workout though! That is more than I did last week! 

I didn't do anything last week and I could tell. I felt flubby and crabby. Hence my vodka post. So it was actually good to take a week off and recognize how not working out makes me feel. I didn't like it. 

It was my goal to lose 40 pounds by much next month. 

I have lost 13. 

While that makes me want to cry...a lot. I am also pretty happy with where I have come so far. This is the longest I have "consistently" been active. I use quotes because if I had actually been consistently active I would have lost that 40 pounds. 

This is the longest I have been focused on becoming more fit. I may not do something every day...which is not my goal but it is life...but it is always on my mind.

I had a quick chat with Grandma Boo yesterday. She isn't actually my grandma but my kids love her and she is the most fantastic person you'll ever meet...so if you haven't met her you should. I was telling her how I have been slacking this past week and I can feel it. 

And then something amazing happened. 

The words, "I'm pretty ok with my body right now" *actually* came out of my mouth...and I meant it. I then followed up with "well we will see how I feel once I have to get into a swim suit." Why? Why do we always do that? I brought myself up..and then bam. Mentioned a swimsuit. I then came full circle with "but pssh...who ever feels confident in a swimsuit?"  I'm telling you..talk to Boo and you figure your life out. 

So, I have decided to keep my life on track by attempting to workout twice a day. If I get up early, which is totally reliant on Camden sleeping all night, it will be a lot easier to do. I will work on eating on the 21 day fix every chance I get but I will not miss out on fun things that always seem to involve food. 80/20 baby. 

Cinco de Mayo party? Sure I'll eat tacos and hell yes I'll have one of the best margaritas I've ever tasted. Culvers for ice cream? Pssh...I'll get lemon ice (cause that is better right?) but I'm still going to have a french fry for the mom tax. 

I think I'd rather have my boys see me make healthy choices but not restrict everything I do. I love it when they see me working out and then mimic me a few days later by doing squats or something. Parker sometimes gets bummed out when I told him I already worked out for the day and he isn't able to join me. Jensen usually just tries to climb on my back but I am getting strong enough to do a push up with him hanging on me. I actually did a glute bridge set with him laying on my the other day. 

So anyways. Now that I am frozen because I made myself sit on the deck while typing this to enjoy my coffee (because that is a thing you can do when you wake up waaaaay before your kids do) I think it's time to go make my to-do list for the day.

I think after 9 months of being a stay at home mom I may have figured out how to do it like a boss. Which is why my house looks like hoarders live here. Who has time to clean and finish organization projects when we just had this beautiful weekend?!

Happy Monday friends! Make it great. 

Sunday, April 22, 2018

Grandma's Cookies

My husband is the chocolate chip cookie maker of the house. He makes them perfect every time.

Me? Epic fail. Every. Single. Time.

I have tried SO many times. Different recipes. Turning the oven up. Turning it down. Letting them cool on the pan. On a cooling rack. I've given up and just let him wear that hat.

Last night I pretty much wanted to eat everything in the house. Problem with that is that we didn't have any food in the house to actually eat. I somehow managed to convince Thane to whip up a batch and of course they were the best things ever. (In reality I just wanted to eat some cookie dough but didn't want to load up the kids to go to Culvers.) 

I'd like to brag on us for a second and let you know that we made healthy chocolate chip cookies. That's right. Healthy. 

We ran out of regular flour so we had to use wheat flour for at least half of the flour mixture. 

Boom. #healthnuts

My grandma made the most amazing cookies. She was famous for them. She always had some on hand because it seemed that there was always someone at her kitchen table to eat them.

The key to her cookies was that she made them into bars. I'm sure in reality it was just easier because this woman had to make like 2 or 3 batches a week. I can guarantee that everyone who came over had at least one cookie if not two, and then wished they could have 3. Whenever we would go up there it would be surprising if someone wasn't already at the kitchen table with cookie crumbs in front of them.

I remember sitting at their table dipping my cookie in milk or just shoving it in my mouth quickly and trying to sneak another one while the grown ups all dipped theirs in coffee while they talked. Let me tell you the life crushing disappointment the 4 times in my life that Grandma didn't have cookies made. It was pretty much the most rare and saddest time in my childhood. 

 I have always wished I could make cookies like her, which is probably why it has been so annoying for me that my husband is the one who can make cookies and not me. I remember the time I posted my frustration about it on Facebook...I wished I had Grandma's recipe. My sister dropped a bombshell on me right there in the comments section. Grandma's "secret recipe" could be found....

on the side of the Toll House Bag.

Mind. 

Blown. 

So anyways, whenever Thane makes cookies I make sure there will be some left so that I can have one with my coffee in the morning. I can't help but smile and think about Grandma when I dip my cookie. I feel like I've finally grown up. I just wish I could be sitting at her kitchen table.

So this morning I was standing in front of our coffee maker zoning out as I dipped my cookie when I hear Jensen asking for a cookie. Thane told him no and he got mad.

I said, "Bugs, when you help pay the mortgage you can have a cookie for breakfast."

Parker came over to me with hope filled eyes and said..."I have a wallet....."

I should have reminded him that he doesn't have any money in it anymore because he has to help pay the water bill since they left the water running outside for FOUR hours on the snow storm day. But that's another story...





Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Things I Learned at Workout Class Tonight

1. I can now do jumping jacks without holding my belly. It doesn't hurt anymore. Huge win.

2. I am way too invested in my Netfliks show. I found my mind wandering while I was doing lunge kickback pulses (they sound as awful as they were) and I was genuinely cornered about when Amy and Ty would figure their lives out and get back together. I may need to take a step back from Heartland and watch the Santa Clara Diet. 

3. I am still not able to do more than about 20 seconds planking without it feeling like my c-section scar is going to rip open. Like violently rip open. I discovered there are a few ab workouts that I still can't do 5.5 months post c-section and I am definitely listening to my body. I tried to push through the pain last time it hurt and I regretted it for about a week. So not worth it and the vision of the violent rip was a bit too vivid in my mind. 

4. I really like working out! Tonight however, I was not in the mental state to workout. If my friend had text me 10 minutes sooner than she did saying she wasn't going to class...I probably would have bailed too. I'm glad I didn't but I was a bit of a robot for a while. Just going through the motions and getting sweaty. 

5. I needed class tonight. I left feeling refreshed and ready to face my kids again. (Today was rough. Mix the 2's with said 2 year old getting little sleep at night..it's not pretty.) I needed that hour of me time to come home and be a halfway decent mom again. The best part of the whole class was the last 4 minutes of instrumental music where we got to stretch laying on our mats.

I'm lying. The best part of the class was that I was able to push through almost all of the workout and even add an extra move or 2 to challenge myself without stopping. Almost all of it. All the jumping killed me on round 2. I would not have been able to do that in December. Or even before I got pregnant with Cam. 

Baby steps. I got this. 

Sunday, April 15, 2018

Jensen and the Corn Dog

Yesterday was beautiful. A little windy but to 2 little boys it was flip flop weather. (Parker's quote not mine. I swear!)

So bedtime is a little rough in our home right now. Jensen has figured out how to crawl out of his bunk bed the one way that we can't do anything about so they have been falling asleep around 10pm. It's insane. They are SO crabby. But to them..playing is life. Who needs sleep?!!?

Well..they do.

So we decided yesterday that sure they can stay up til 10..but they can only nap an hour during the day.

This decision was really fun for me around lunch time. Jensen has huge bags under his eyes. He's crabby. Parker's attitude, which also happens to be my attitude, is in prime form.

So anyways, they were playing outside like rock stars. Not fighting..a lot. Just happy to be outside and digging in the dirt I need to landscape. Jensen decided he wanted to have lunch and once this kid wants food...game over. Get him food. (He gets that from me.)

So I grabbed some yummy Costco sandwich and get him lunch. He shovels that down and I get him another. While he was eating this...Cam decided to poop.

When Cam poops...you best take care of it. He haaaates having a dirty diaper...and I hate smelling it. He is all man let me tell you. So stinky.

So, against my better judgement, I leave Jensen in the kitchen not buckled in his booster seat to go change Cam. It actually worked in my benefit that Jensen won't stay sitting down because the second I got Cam's diaper open I realized I had approx one wipe in the pack. Jensen happened to be prancing by, I'm serious..he was prancing, the door so I asked him to grab some out of the bathroom.

He handed me the wipes and I warned him that he better get back to his food before ate it. His eyes got wide and he bolted. Insert blood curling rabbit scream.

He appeared in the doorway with crocodile tears and wailing. "Bugs!! Did Bernie eat your sandwich?"

"Uh-huuuuuhhhhhhhhh"

"It's ok..mommy will get you something else when I get done here. Just hold on ok?" 

"Ooooooooooookkkkkkkaaaaaaayyyyyyyy."

I finish up with Cam and head to the kitchen. Jensen says "Mommy look!!!" He holds up the frost covered corn dog, takes a big bite, and breaks out into a huge smile. I burst out laughing, thank him for being independent and take it away to warm it up. Insert blood curling rabbit scream. (He does this a lot and I swear if Camden loses some hearing because of it I'll be so angry. ) He was SO upset that I warmed it up for him. 

Anyways, the whole point about this post is that he is growing up. Bet you didn't see that coming!

It is so hard for me to see that he is growing up and becoming more independent. Some of the things he does makes me just stop and stare at him and realize..no he isn't a baby anymore. He and Parker are inseparable most of the time so P talks for him a lot and does stuff for him so we don't always get to see what he can do.

He has the kindest heart.

 Yesterday he spent some time looking for the perfect leaf on the ground..found two...and offered Parker one. The other day he saw the snack cups from the zoo that we didn't use. He grabbed both of them and ran to give one to P before he dug into his. One day the world was ending for Parker because Jensen had a flashlight that he wanted, so while I tried to calm him down Bugs ran and searched the house for another flashlight.

Situations like that give me hope that we are doing something right. We aren't totally messing up all 3 kids at least.






Thursday, April 12, 2018

Getting Up Early

I have always had issues with the morning. I hate it.

My dad used to have to push my mattress off my bed and tip me off of it to get me up for school on time. Maybe I should have Thane start doing that so I get up...

I have a few things I'd like to do in the morning before the kids get up. Like have at least a cup of coffee so I can handle my kids when they get up like the mom I strive to be...not the mom that yells when their kid won't get out of bed until they have gathered all 10 of their stinkies and 3 stuffed dinos just to drop them outside the bathroom door. The boys may or may not have inherited my love of the morning. We all mesh really well with our awesome attitudes right after we get up...and before I've had coffee. 

I'd like to workout to start my day.  This one is the biggest mental game. I want to just get my workout out of the way. Not sure how I will do it wearing my glasses though...I loath working out in my glasses. So there ya go..just one more excuse to not workout. But the longer I wait in my day..the more excuses that pop up. 

I want to start blogging again. I've been thinking about when I would have time to sit down and think through sentences and not feel guilty about just sitting here. Or a time when I would be able to reread what I wrote without breaking up a fight. Ya..that would have to be in the morning too.

So that is a lot to pack in to the morning for someone who hates leaving her bed. At the moment I blame Costco. I just got us all new memory foam pillows...2 for $10 which is an insane price..and I have never slept this good in my life. I made Thane watch TV in bed the other night just so I could lay on it longer. I of course always find the *most* comfortable spot on said pillow about 1 second after the alarm goes off. <insert snooze button x3>

So this morning I had 3 alarms set. I won't even tell you for what time because that is a whole new blog post. Let's just say...its a normal time. A time that I used to have to get up when I was in the working world. Which is why it's so annoying to me that I can't get up now!  Anyways..I snoozed them all. I told myself I'll workout at 9, which now that I'm thinking of it I can't. We are going to the park today because it will be like 65 degrees or something amazing..and we are leaving to be there at 10. Which means prep starts at 9:30...

But! I did get up 22 minutes early to drink my coffee and start this blog. #babysteps

Edit to add...I got my work out tin his morning. I sat Jensen in front of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and put Camden on his favorite mat and went to work. #momoftheyear Do what you gotta do to survive. 

Thursday, January 25, 2018

Gym Day and Getting 2 Kids and a Baby There.

I have made it my goal to lose 40 pounds before the pool opens. I even bought the most adorable swimsuit ever. It only came in a Large and after consulting two friends who took forever to answer I just bought the damn thing. I took that as a sign that it was meant to be. 

I was going to get a bikini. Dead set on it.

Then I remembered. I am 33 and have had 3 babies via C-Section. Maybe next summer...

Anyways, I am on week 2 of eating good and working out. I'm not letting myself go more than one day without doing cardio. I figure if I do...I'll fall off the train right into a Dorito bag.

I am using MyFitnessPal as a tracker and I absolutely love it. Add me as a friend!! pamelam2. Hit me up.

Thane has started teaching Code Class. Which means twice a week for 2 months he gets home at like 930. Yes..at night.

My max of being a single parent is about 12 hours. After that..I lose my shit.

So thankfully I still have my gym membership!! On the nights he has class, I pack up the kids right after nap and head into Madison to work out. The process is insane.

First...I need to time it correctly. We have to leave about 5 minutes after I'm done feeding Camden. I have a 3ish hour window between feedings and I don't want to waste a second.

I usually aim to leave between 230 and 3. So before I  feed C I need to pack our bags. I take 3 of them. Yes...3.

1..the gym diaper bag.
2. The main diaper bag for the car
3. My gym bag

I have to pack 2 snacks for the kids. One for the car ride in and one for after I'm done working out. I pack something for me too so I don't straight binge when I get near food at home. 

I mix up my Spark...and 2 bottles with water for Cam and put everything in the car.

Oh don't forget the water bottles for the boys to drink from on the way home...because if you do shit will hit the fan and our evening is shot. 

Also, before nap I have to grab clothes for Camden so that when I change his diaper before we go I Can get him dressed for the day. Because let's be real...if we don't go somewhere he stays in jammies all day. Stay at home life. 

Jensen must be dressed in real clothes before nap time..and socks and shoes in the bathroom ready to go.  Parker too.

So, once all this is done, I go start to wake up Parker (yes start because if he fell asleep is like a 25 minute process to wake him up), I wake up Camden, feed him, burp him, hold him upright so he doesn't puke for a bit, I go wake up Parker again, put Camden somewhere where he isn't laying flat. 

Usually by this time P is kinda up? Maybe sitting up in bed? I get Jensen up. Do the potty. Put on socks and shoe. 

We head to the kitchen. Tell Parker to put on his shoes as I'm getting Cam in the car seat. Once all kids have shoes on we load up.

The key is to make sure the boys don't have too much time to play after nap. If they start building something or rolling something along the kitchen floor...its ridiculous to get out of the house. I have a veeerrrrry tiny time frame here. 

I get all kids in the car. Give the 2 with teeth a snack and pray they don't demand water. I refuse to pack 4 water bottles damnit. 

We get to the gym. 

Parker gets his coat on and grabs the gym diaper bag. I get Camden out and put his carseat on the passenger side seat. Get Jensen out..have him focus on shutting his door while I snag Cam quickly so I can grab Jensen's hand and he doesn't bolt in front of a car. (Yes. This is my life. Every time we go somewhere.)

I navigate the kids through the parking lot..haven't lost one yet!!! Get in, hang up coats and take off shoes. Check them into the Kids Place. Put Cam in a swing. Kiss Jensen goodbye. (He is the only one that cares I'm leaving. Parker bolts.) and RUN downstairs to start my workout. 

If the Kids Place needs you while you workout, like your kid poops or is going crazy, they either page you or text you. The first workout with all 3 there I obsessively checked my phone. I do not want to be that parent that they have to come down and get.  

I rush through my workout hitting all the important things first because I know that at any moment I'll have to go upstairs. And we all know..once my kids see me there is no going back. 

So far so good. I haven't been called back up. It seems every time I get back though Cam  was "just starting to get fussy." By time we get home he is losing his mind screaming. So far I have been timing it perfect.

We now wash our hands with soap before we leave...and I don't let them touch anything. I forgot to mention that before we leave I have to have dinner done so that when we get home we can just eat. While they eat I shower quick. Sometimes if it is too late or I didn't have time to prep we hit the drive through. 

Either way, I guess I'm writing this so in a year I can look back and laugh at the gigantic process it was to get the kids to the gym. It will be worth it though cause I'll be reading it sitting in that swimsuit top. 

Ya I know in a year it will be January again, but I'l be looking so good in it I'll want to wear it all the time.