Thursday, January 25, 2018

Gym Day and Getting 2 Kids and a Baby There.

I have made it my goal to lose 40 pounds before the pool opens. I even bought the most adorable swimsuit ever. It only came in a Large and after consulting two friends who took forever to answer I just bought the damn thing. I took that as a sign that it was meant to be. 

I was going to get a bikini. Dead set on it.

Then I remembered. I am 33 and have had 3 babies via C-Section. Maybe next summer...

Anyways, I am on week 2 of eating good and working out. I'm not letting myself go more than one day without doing cardio. I figure if I do...I'll fall off the train right into a Dorito bag.

I am using MyFitnessPal as a tracker and I absolutely love it. Add me as a friend!! pamelam2. Hit me up.

Thane has started teaching Code Class. Which means twice a week for 2 months he gets home at like 930. night.

My max of being a single parent is about 12 hours. After that..I lose my shit.

So thankfully I still have my gym membership!! On the nights he has class, I pack up the kids right after nap and head into Madison to work out. The process is insane.

First...I need to time it correctly. We have to leave about 5 minutes after I'm done feeding Camden. I have a 3ish hour window between feedings and I don't want to waste a second.

I usually aim to leave between 230 and 3. So before I  feed C I need to pack our bags. I take 3 of them. Yes...3.

1..the gym diaper bag.
2. The main diaper bag for the car
3. My gym bag

I have to pack 2 snacks for the kids. One for the car ride in and one for after I'm done working out. I pack something for me too so I don't straight binge when I get near food at home. 

I mix up my Spark...and 2 bottles with water for Cam and put everything in the car.

Oh don't forget the water bottles for the boys to drink from on the way home...because if you do shit will hit the fan and our evening is shot. 

Also, before nap I have to grab clothes for Camden so that when I change his diaper before we go I Can get him dressed for the day. Because let's be real...if we don't go somewhere he stays in jammies all day. Stay at home life. 

Jensen must be dressed in real clothes before nap time..and socks and shoes in the bathroom ready to go.  Parker too.

So, once all this is done, I go start to wake up Parker (yes start because if he fell asleep is like a 25 minute process to wake him up), I wake up Camden, feed him, burp him, hold him upright so he doesn't puke for a bit, I go wake up Parker again, put Camden somewhere where he isn't laying flat. 

Usually by this time P is kinda up? Maybe sitting up in bed? I get Jensen up. Do the potty. Put on socks and shoe. 

We head to the kitchen. Tell Parker to put on his shoes as I'm getting Cam in the car seat. Once all kids have shoes on we load up.

The key is to make sure the boys don't have too much time to play after nap. If they start building something or rolling something along the kitchen floor...its ridiculous to get out of the house. I have a veeerrrrry tiny time frame here. 

I get all kids in the car. Give the 2 with teeth a snack and pray they don't demand water. I refuse to pack 4 water bottles damnit. 

We get to the gym. 

Parker gets his coat on and grabs the gym diaper bag. I get Camden out and put his carseat on the passenger side seat. Get Jensen out..have him focus on shutting his door while I snag Cam quickly so I can grab Jensen's hand and he doesn't bolt in front of a car. (Yes. This is my life. Every time we go somewhere.)

I navigate the kids through the parking lot..haven't lost one yet!!! Get in, hang up coats and take off shoes. Check them into the Kids Place. Put Cam in a swing. Kiss Jensen goodbye. (He is the only one that cares I'm leaving. Parker bolts.) and RUN downstairs to start my workout. 

If the Kids Place needs you while you workout, like your kid poops or is going crazy, they either page you or text you. The first workout with all 3 there I obsessively checked my phone. I do not want to be that parent that they have to come down and get.  

I rush through my workout hitting all the important things first because I know that at any moment I'll have to go upstairs. And we all know..once my kids see me there is no going back. 

So far so good. I haven't been called back up. It seems every time I get back though Cam  was "just starting to get fussy." By time we get home he is losing his mind screaming. So far I have been timing it perfect.

We now wash our hands with soap before we leave...and I don't let them touch anything. I forgot to mention that before we leave I have to have dinner done so that when we get home we can just eat. While they eat I shower quick. Sometimes if it is too late or I didn't have time to prep we hit the drive through. 

Either way, I guess I'm writing this so in a year I can look back and laugh at the gigantic process it was to get the kids to the gym. It will be worth it though cause I'll be reading it sitting in that swimsuit top. 

Ya I know in a year it will be January again, but I'l be looking so good in it I'll want to wear it all the time. 

Friday, January 12, 2018

First Outing with Three

At this point I don't remember how old Camden was but I still was in some pain and not able to lift his car seat.

So I was beyond anxious to drive. To get out of our house. To be around other adults that weren't trying to diagnose why I was in pain.

So I had this huge plan. Thane gets done with work at 3:30 and he would meet us at Target to help me get the kids out of the car, into the store, and just survive shopping in general.

We roll in at 3:27 and I call him excitedly to see where he was because usually he was early........he hadn't even left his left job yet. He was just finishing up a chat with a co worker...


Juuuuuuuuuust livid.

He was at least 10 minutes out and I had 2 hyper kids and a newborn in the car. What the hell was I supposed to do?

I couldn't lift the car seat.

 I couldn't lift Jensen into a cart when we got inside.

I did toy with the idea that maybe there would some sweet stranger standing there that I could ask..but decided against that one. #momoftheyear There is no way I could just hold Jensen's hand in the store. He would run...and I would have to send Parker after him. They would wrestle on the dirty floor...screaming...Jensen would bite Parker...Parker would dramatically scream...I would yell loudly. People would judge.

 I had to figure something out.

So I sat there angry for like a minute and then started to form a plan.

It was super windy and cold. Cause ya's November. It was colder then than it is today. January 12th. But whatever. we go.

I tell Parker to unbuckle and get his coat on because I will need his help.

I sit in the car putting on the wrap that I will need to wear Camden. I get it on as far as I can without a baby in it...get out...get Camden out and put him in the wrap and pray to god I did it right. I throw a blanket over him and head to Jensen.

I manage to get his coat on while he is sitting in his car seat and then send him to the back of the car with Parker. Where they promptly start laughing, screaming, and jumping around.

I go grab a cart, which we had parked right next to a car corral (perfect planning on accident), open the hatch to the extenda car, put the cart as close as possible to the back of the van and instruct Jensen to climb in the big part of the cart.

I was nervous that once he stepped over the side of the cart that the bottom would be to deep and he would fall and I would obviously reach out quickly to catch him..which would be one of the top 10 most painful things for me to do. Thankfully,  it was perfect. So I held the cart tightly with one hand... Jensen's hand with the other..and prayed I had Camden wrapped right.

Jensen was in the cart, Parker was climbing out of the car to close the door, and then we were running in the store.

Mind you, I had this illusion that Thane would meet us there on time and I would be able to get a Starbucks to enjoy while shopping with my family.

We got in the store and I bravely eyed up the Starbucks line which was about 2 people deep. I decided that after we gathered in the aisle behind the carts and recombobulated I would be brave and stand in line like it wasn't my first time in a store alone with 3 kids.

So we walk past the carts and I bend down to grab 2 baskets to put under the cart so I can actually get groceries; they make those carts so damn small you can only fit a car seat in them and this time...a 2 year old. So that took what? 9 seconds? I look Parker.

The first of many times I mumbled "are you fucking kidding me?" and I say his name..and then I say his name again....and a third time I snap his name.

"HA!!! HAAAA!!!  Mommy I was hiding!!!!"

Ya. That didn't go over well.

I make him come stand by me while I check my work on the wrap, drooling over the thought of Starbucks, stressed to the max because Parker won't stay by me and I have this stupid need for my kids to act perfect in public. (I'm slowly letting that go..don't lecture me)

I look up and Thane is walking in the doors. There is a light shining from the Angels themselves sent him. Pretty sure I heard music. All my anger and anxiety melts away...and then he point to the left and mouths "Bathroom" and is gone.

Cue anger and anxiety.

I stand there staring at the spot he was just standing. I took a deep breath and tell myself I will not take it out on my kids. I will not be an anxiety ridden stressed mom and we start to shop. I got this.

I have Parker helping me pick out cans of soup when Thane reappears. I gladly shove the two children who aren't attached to me at him and tell him to go check out the toys..Parker has money to spend. I'm off to grocery shop.

I got all my groceries and met up with the boys...who were still in the toy aisle. P had approximately $7 to spend and was only looking at the things that pretty much cost $70 and up. He was inspecting every toy veeeeeeeeeeerry closely and taking his sweet time. Mind you a 7lb baby was starting to feel like 70.

Some things he would point to and I would sadly inform him that he would be 6 by time he had enough allowance to buy that. An idea he quickly caught on to.

He stood staring at a giant gorilla Hot Wheels track, practically drooling. "Mommy..I would be like 100 before I could buy this." So matter of factly.

Thane and I laughed because he was right. By time he earned enough money for it he won't care anymore. Maybe when he is 100 he will come across it on EBay...or whatever site it is in 100 years..and buy it because he is being nostalgic.

Then he will play with it for about 5 minutes and move on..just like the 4 year old version of himself would do.

So anyways...we successfully survived our first errand as a family of 5. I got lots of those "been there" smiles from people. Zero judgey looks that I'm aware of..and that makes me happy. Don't judge a mom. You haven't witnessed her entire day..her don't know what is going on.

I'm learning this stay at home mom job is legit hard. I am currently sitting in the playroom on the floor typing because at this level I can only see the floor that is slightly covered in toys. If I turn around I see hoooooooours of things to do like dishes and sweeping.

I'm going to stay unaware for just a few more minutes.

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Camden- the NICU

We arrived in our temporary home and I couldn't wait to just spend some time with our newest addition and my husband. 

My sisters were texting and trying to figure out when they could come meet him. My sister was the first person to meet my first nephew when he was born...even before my mom. As you can imagine..that still makes us all laugh. She still gloats about it and my mom still pretends to not be annoyed by it. 

Looks like it was going to happen again. 

J rolled in and snatched him up and about 3 minutes later K walked in. There was a slight competition on who got to meet him first..and once again J won. The memory of them both looking at him for the first time is a pretty fantastic one....I probably won't even forget it. Some funny stuff happened...that I will add in here before I print this book because I definitely don't want to forget it. 

Mom, dad, and the boys were not far behind. 

So at this one, besides Thane's mom and now my sisters, knew that Camden was a boy. People thought my mom knew so they were threatening to just call her and ask but jokes on didn't know either. My mom is the biggest reason we decided to not find out the gender this round and I couldn't wait for her to find out. 

I had a plan that if BS3 was a girl..I was going to mess with mom. The original plan was that I was going to have a blue hat on the baby when she walked in but then have a onesie that said something like "Just kidding! I'm a girl!" But let's be real..I didn't get around to making the onesie and turns out I didn't need it. 

So they walk in..our boys are super pumped to see us and holding balloons so excited to meet their new sibling. Mom is all smiles and anxiously looking at us...we don't announce it. I told mom that the baby needed a diaper change and asked if she could do it. I made Thane record it as she took Camden over to his bed to change him and she asked Parker if he wanted to help. He of course didn't know either and was reeeeeeeeeally hoping for a sister so he ran over quickly. 

I think they were both moral support for each other when they took the diaper off. Not the reaction I was expecting from either of them because they were both really happy...and sworn to secrecy. 

In the meantime, C still wasn't eating well. 

I am always honestly a little nervous to feed our kids right away so I was leaving that up to Thane. It's not the most comfortable to figure out how to bottle feed a baby when you can't sit up comfortably. Thane tried a few times and Camden wasn't taking much food at all. He wasn't doing a good job latching on the bottle. Every blood sugar test they took was lower than it needed to be and they started throwing out "NICU" if it didn't go back up. 

I still wasn't worried. I was so naive. Parker had been fine. Camden will be fine too. 

Finally our nurse nervously asked if she could try to feed him. I'm sure she was worried we would be upset or something but I gladly told her to try. C needed to eat and I didn't care who got him to. She did a few trick and finally got him to latch and take more mls than he had had all day. They were hopeful that would help his blood sugar and we wouldn't have to worry. 

Near the end of the boy's and grandparent's visit the nurses came back in to test him and warned me that if it came back low...this was the last test. He would have to go to the NICU.

They pricked his foot, did the test, and looked up at me to shake their head. 

He had to go. 

I felt like I had been hit by a truck. My biggest fear was coming of my babies was going to the NICU. What if he couldn't come home with us? I didn't have daycare for the boys was I going to come in and be with him? How do people even do that with little ones at home?

Thane left with Camden and the nurse and I stayed behind with our family trying to process what was going on while not losing it in front of the boys. I watched them walk out and I was just thankful the boys were able to meet their brother before he had to leave. 

I expected Thane to be back quickly but I swear he was gone for more than an hour. I had no idea where he was or what they were doing... talk about anxiety. 

He finally came back and gave me the low down. Camden would have to have consistent passing numbers on his blood sugar test and be able to hold his temperature before he could come back. Those numbers were *much* higher in the NICU than on our floor. He would be there for at least 24 hours and then as long as it took. 

I cried. 

I had this illusion that he was just going up there to get some tests done and he'd be right back. What was I thinking? Of course he'd have to stay and be monitored. We got a wheel chair and Thane took me up. I was obviously not able to walk yet and even getting out of bed at that point was ridiculous. 

He took me up, showed me how to get the hand sanitizer and sign in, and showed me to Camden's new room. I was not prepared for what I saw. many cords. An IV stand. A monitor beeping with his breathing and heart rate. It was like we were in a bad movie. My tiny baby laying there hooked up to all those cords. Overwhelmingly awful. 

I was able to hold him thankfully but could only do it for a little bit because it hurt how I sitting. Then I just got to stare at Thane holding him. 

After about an hour I was dying. My butt was numb from the wheelchair and I was in pain, due for meds. Thane offered the recliner he was sitting in but I had already been eyeing it up for that hour. It looked way too low for me to get into without tearing something open..and then it may take the whole staff to get me out. I was stuck in my chair. 

We gave him back and had to head back down. 

That night around 3am I woke up. Everything about this was wrong. My baby wasn't at the foot of my bed. He was up on another floor all alone. My anxiety level was through the roof and I had to go see him. 

I called my nurse and she happily took me up in a wheel chair. She wheeled me into his room, told me to give her a call when I needed to go back, and left me. 

I just sat there sobbing.

I have never felt like that before and I don't even know how to describe it. Seeing my baby hooked up to all those cords...watching a monitor beep with all his vital information...knowing there was literally nothing I could do to help him. Fuck it was awful. 

He was supposed to be waking me up to feed him. I was supposed to be annoyed with Thane for sleeping through his cries while I try to get up out of bed without screaming. I was supposed to be in that hospital bed snuggling him with nurses coming in to yell at me for falling asleep while holding him. 

Instead, he was in a little bed on a pillow with an IV in, getting his foot pricked every few hours and I was just staring at him. 

The nurse finally let me hold him and I just sat there with him on my chest telling him how sorry I was. It was my fault he was in there. My body once again couldn't get my baby to full term and now he was in here with a needle in him. Mom guilt to a whole new level. 

I know now that we are lucky. We were in there for reasons they knew and understood how to fix. Camden was also having problems regulating his body temperature so we also had to keep an eye on that the entire stay also but up there he was nice and cozy in his little bed. I know now that our little stay in the NICU is nothing compared to what the other families who were up there were going through. Their babies were going through much more serious issues than temperature regulation and low blood sugar but try telling me that then. 

I couldn't stop crying. I don't know if I have ever cried that much. Add a stressful situation to the state of my hormones and watch out. Constant tears. Constant anxiety. I just wanted to get my baby off that floor and back in our room as soon as we could. 

Thursday, December 7, 2017

Camden- Recovery Room

I got wheeled out of the Delivery room and it was time to start recovery. 

I couldn't wait to get my hands on Camden and just snuggle. Ohh the snuggles. 

This is the part I don't remember a lot about.

I told Thane he could text people but he could NOT tell anyone via text the sex of our baby. I wanted anyone that was going to come see us to find out in person. We had waited this long for people to find out..what's a few more days? 

With the other boys I remember opening my eyes the first time in recovery and seeing my amazing husband nose to his phone with the biggest grin on his face ever. Just texting everyone he knew. 

I got wheeled in, they got me all set up, and then I had a baby on my chest...finally! 

This is the first place where the word "NICU" got thrown around. Camden's nurse in recovery was so amazing. Super sweet and beyond attentive to him. 

She noticed him grunting a lot or making some weird noise. She warned us that it could very well just be him trying to clear all the baby gunk out of this throat but it could also be a sign he wasn't breathing the best on his own. She was keeping a very close eye on him.

I only got to hold him for a few minutes because then one of my nurses came in and announced she had to push on me. 

For the love of God this part is horrendous. I wanted to cry before she even touched me because I knew what kind of pain was coming. 

I had to reluctantly give Camden back to Thane as I didn't want to like throw him in the air as a reaction to her pushing on my uterus. I call that "being a good mom." (Lesson one for new moms..don't throw a newborn in the air.)   

They took C off of me and we found out he pooped all over me. Nice. Thank man. They quickly got him a diaper...and me a new beautiful hospital gown. 

The pushing on me began and kept up about every 15 minutes. 

I'm so naive. I had no idea what was going on when they was going on. After 3 C-Sections I just thought they were pushing on my stomach to make sure my uterus was going down...until my friend Sara was like "" 

She looked at me like I was insane and then told me was actually happening while they pushed on me. I almost gagged. We determined that since I literally couldn't feel anything past my chest... that is why I had never noticed the um..outcome of their pushing. I feel really dumb that I didn't know that was happening...but I'm thankful too because Lord knows between the pain and and visualizing that I probably would have passed out.

While all this was happening, Thane attempted to feed C for the first time. He only took 3mls. They were hoping for like 5 to 10 I think but since it was the first feeding..not too much of a concern.

So this went on..every 15 minutes my nurse would come some stuff on the computer..and then make me swear. 

At one point about an hour into recovery, the charge nurse (I'm assuming? or just a head nurse whatever their title is) came in to check on my uterus pushing progress. "Ok..this is how I like to do it." She turns to me..."Focus on a spot on the ceiling and blow really hard like you're blowing out a birthday candle."

I biggie. I fixated on a spot and she put her hands like she was about to give CPR to my uterus and when I blew she pushed on me....and I screamed the F word so loud I'm pretty sure I scared the new dad next door waiting on his wife. Ya buddy...get ready to listen to your wife scream too. Cripes. 

She checked me and was like "There we go! I like to have them breath hard!" I wanted to punch her. Every time she walked in after that I flinched. Not that it mattered because then my nurse began to push on me like I was a CPR dummy. 

I kept doing skin to skin on and off with C because he was a tad chilly and I just wanted to hold him. 

His nurse kept checking on him and his breathing and so far she wasn't very concerned. She explained to us that since he was "Late term Preemie" she wanted to keep an extra eye on him just to make sure he was doing ok. I wasn't worried one bit. 

Parker had been born almost a week and a half earlier than Camden and he was fine! His only problem was his temperature, which provided a whole new set of stressful problems for us as 1st time parents, but it was minor. I knew Camden would be ok and we could start our snuggle fest really really soon. 

I was looking forward to my recovery time in the hospital just the 3 of us. I knew that once I got home I wouldn't have much time alone with C so I planned on soaking up all the skin to skin I could and relaxing with my husband. Yes...I was looking forward to my C-Section recovery as a type of vacation. Ha! 

I forgot to mention pretty much everyone was impressed with my consistency as a mom. 3 breech babies. 3 babies who came earlier than expected. 3 boys. 

I think those are 3 good reasons to be done having babies. 

Sunday, December 3, 2017

Camden- Part 4

So I'm walking into the hustle and bustle of the OR and I begin to panic a little bit. 

I stated to remember the surgery...the aftermath...the recovery. 

I feel a little bit like a kid who just wants to run the other way but Lord knows that wouldn't help this situation. 

I sat down on the table and started to cry. 

My nurse grabbed my hand, "What's wrong!? Are you ok!?"

I nodded and said, "I just really hate all of this. I hate this part." I waved my hand around...and realized it looked like I was being a baby about the giant needle that was about to get pushed into my back. "Oh wait, no not you!" to the anesthesiologist, "You're my favorite."

My nurse and doctor stood there helping me through my contractions, making sure I was calm and talking me through what he was doing behind me. I still am so thankful my doctor took the time to stand there with me and comfort me. I know she didn't have anything else going on at that exact moment, but still. She took the time to rub my shoulder and make sure I was doing ok and it meant the world. Once again...Madison Women's Health. Can't say enough good things about them!! 

Drugs were in and and introductions started. I had officially hit the shift change. Everyone I had just met and spent the last few hours with were going home. My anesthesiologist was going home. My nurses whom I had come to really like were going home. At least my doctor was staying. 

The anesthesiologist I had met and talked with before was the one to put in my epidural which was good but now he was heading out. I was a little concerned until I heard him talking with the new guy. The new guy didn't just trust everything he was saying, they both walked through everything that had just been done and he was checking my previous guy's work. Comforting when you know he was at the end of his night shift and probably super tired. 

Time to lay down. A bunch of people came over to help me lay down. Ever try to lay down when you can't feel the bottom half of your body?'s interesting. 

Surgery prep began.

My anesthesiologist took a crazy cold instrument and put it on my face. "Feel how cold this is? Let me know when you feel that again." He started somewhere down where it was numb and slowly drug it up.  

I have never been so focused on what a doctor was doing. 

I needed to make sure that I couldn't feel that shit...can you imagine!? Talk about stressful. I could kind of feel it but not the coldness. I didn't feel the cold until up by my chest and then I was worried that it was to far up. Did the anesthetic work *too* well?? Why could I not feel anything until my chest??

Seriously...I worry about *everything.*

Sheet went up and I began to feel awful. 

They asked how I was doing and I let them know that I felt very light headed and was seeing black. I was about to pass out. That was new. 

Thane walked in as they were shoving a puke bag next to my head. He was a bit confused and I instructed him that if I yelled "BAG" he needed to be on his game. I'm not sure how that goes. How does one vomit into a bag while laying flat on their back unable to move at all without chocking and dying?

Surgery started and thankfully I didn't feel a thing. Phew.

I was still light headed and nauseous for a little bit but that went away and I tried to think about other if I die on the table will Thane be ok with 3 babies? How will he afford daycare? Would he qualify for assistance? Yes....I'm dramatic. 

C-Sections are so strange. 

You can't feel anything but you can hear everything. It's suuuuuuuuuuuuuper gross. I feel them tugging on things and my body is moving but I have no idea what they are doing. I tried really hard to not focus on what they were saying. I didn't want to know when they were moving things..or taking things out until it was my baby. 

Camden apparently started to cry before they took him out. Our nurse commented on how crazy it sounds when that happens. I finally heard him when they pulled him out all the way. 

Talk about an awesome moment. The moment I feel like everyone holds their breath for. "Is my baby ok??" Insert baby cry and *huge* exhale from mom. 

A nurse brought him over so we could see and said, "Here he is!!!!" and then her eyes got really wide.

I had been asked approximately 800 times who was going to tell me the sex of our baby. I wanted Thane too and was looking forward to it. What a cool moment for my husband!

The moment the nurse walked past the curtain Thane spun around to see him and look. The nurse announced it on accident and he then spun back to me with a huge grin on his face, "It's a boy!!!!"

At that moment, I could care less that she said it. I almost didn't even catch it. I was waiting for Thane to tell me and I was so focused on him.

The second I saw him I knew his name was Camden. It had to be. It's was such a strange moment. I saw him and had no doubt. I wasn't so sure driving in and I told Thane we would have like 4 days to figure out a name so he could just calm the f down (remember...the theme of this labor was swearing)...but at that moment I knew. His name was perfect for him. 

And no, I was not surprised Cam was a boy. 

I had a total mom moment where something told me he was a boy. It was one of the most calming experiences I've ever had. I was putting away a vacuum at work after cleaning up a kid's projectile vomit and as I walked back to the store room I head a voice, "It's a boy." I stopped walked, tears came to my eyes, and I smiled. Considering the owner has a direct line to's very likely that God himself was hanging out in our break room enjoying one of the massage chairs and felt the need to tell me. I know that sounds insane...and I agree...but it really did happen! And wasn't Bob whispering from his desk. 

Anyways...Thane walked over with the nurse to get him cleaned up and they started to put me back together. 

Remember my birth plan? Get my baby out and don't leave anything behind? I heard one of the nurses begin their inventory count. 

She would announce something, say how many they needed, and start counting. One of the times she said, "Blah blah, 5. 1,2,3,4..............................................................."

I almost died. 

"Where was 5!?!?!? Where was it!?!? Ohmygod they left it in me." (All of that was in my head..I didn't freak out out loud.)

About 7 minutes later, ok it was probably actually like 3 seconds, she goes "Oh! 5. It's in her hand still. Ha ha."

Ya ha ha lady. 

Thane got to bring Camden back over to me once he was cleanish and such. I started to cry and my glasses fogged up but I was still able to see him...kinda. 

"We have another boy! Congrats momma!"

I said, "Hi Camden!!!" and touched his head. Thane just looked at "You sure about his name??" I nodded..."No doubt."

Thane sat holding him and I just stared crying. Hormones you guys. Hormones. A nurse came over and asked me if I wanted to hold him. 

Originally I had and I had even asked our nurse to make sure it happened. It's super awkward to hold a newborn on you when you are laying flat on your back with a huge sheet basically at your shoulders.  The baby lays almost on your neck and you can't see them very well. It's also super awkward for your husband to figure out how to lay said newborn safely on you. Nurses are pros though. They can flop your baby on you like a no other. 

I wasn't feeling the best so I opted out of holding him but told Thane to get his fill because once we got to recovery I wasn't letting go. The nurse nodded and looked at Thane and was like, "Well geesh, at least hold him so she can see him!!" She adjusted him in Thane's arms and I finally got to really see my baby. 

Kid had SO much hair. No wonder I had heart burn the last few weeks. 

It would be another few hours before I could really look at him. Half the time he was snuggled up by my face or Thane was holding him. The entire time he was totally covered up because A. he was just born and B. he was a "late term premie." 

They finished sewing me up and they sent Thane and Camden out to our recovery room. Instead of picking up the blanket and having like 15 people move me to a new bed (something that had terrified me every surgery. I'm not a light person..) they now have like an inflatable raft. Coolest thing ever. They just blew it up and gently shoved me over.

Game over....time to head to the recovery room. 

I'm officially a mom to 3 boys. 

Friday, December 1, 2017

Camden's Story- Part 3

Triage is so frustrating. 

I know you have to go...I know they have a ton of stuff to do. But damnit...just get my kid out.

We checked in at the desk, while having contractions, and the guy was asking me all sorts of complicated questions. "Whats my name? My birthday? My address?"

Dude. I have a human attempting to push his way out of my insides as you ask me all these questions. We both know my info is right. I called ahead the other week and did this. I know it' you job..but shut up and give me my wristband so I can get meds. Thanks.

We get checked in and Thane promptly finds a chair to sit...and then looks up and is like "Oh! Do you want to sit?"

I just stare at him while I'm breathing through a contraction.

 No. I'm good.

They get us in and hooked up to all the monitors and the waiting game begins. I have no idea how women who do childbirth the old fashioned way do it. I was SO anxious to hold him. I needed surgery to just start already. I can't imagine having to wait another whole 24 hours like some do! 

My nurses were amazing, per usual at Meriter.

They distracted me with questions about the boys who were already on the outside. We talked about life in general. Halloween. blah blah. Lots of other things that didn't mean a lot but it was helpful.

I called my mom during all this to make sure everything was ok so far. reality I called because I realized I was going to miss the Today show's Halloween costumes and I wanted her to DVR it. Her respose? "Oh! I know! It's Halloween! I thought it was tomorrow. Good thing I turned on the news!!"

*insert forehead slap* 

Thank god we talked and that she saw the news. It would have been awful if Parker had got sent off to school without his Tarantula costume on! 

I however had to give Thane the phone to walk her through setting up the DVR. I couldn't handle that and breathing through contractions. Way too much stress all at once. 

Anyways, one of my nurses brought in the portable ultrasound machine and it was the moment I had been waiting for...was this baby breech?

Not that it mattered. 

C-Section was the only option in my head. Too many risks involved in a V-Bac that it just wasn't worth it for me. As I told people, they used the word "rupture" about 8 times too many in the informational pamphlet that they give you. I pretty much had my mind made up after the first time they used the word and I got all hot and wanted to puke. Nope. Sign me up for C-Section Number 3! 

In fact, when my doctor had asked me my birth plan she was like, "Any music you want? Blah blah." (I don't remember the other options you have while doing surgery.) I told her the only thing I wanted was for no one to try to turn the baby. I know my kids...they would turn them and the kid would be like "HA! Jokes!" and flip right back. She looked at me like I was crazy, "Ya...we won't be doing that to you." Phew. (Yes Leslie..if you're reading this. You have scared me for life with your birth story.) I want you to listen to whatever music you want to. You're the one who needs to focus. I don't need you listening to Eric Church for the first time ever being all distracted like "Wow! Who is this? He's amazing!" listen to your normal stuff thanks. 

My birth plan was as follows: "Get my kid out. Don't leave anything behind. Keep us safe."

Birth plans for me are a joke. My plan for Parker was simple. "Don't have a C-Section." Yup..that turned out great.

Anyways. Breech or not?

She was using the monitor and informed us that Baby 3 was breech. I just laughed. Seriously? 3 breech. At least my kids are consistent? People ended up being super impressed with how alike all my labors went actually.

 I'm a rock star. 

He was in womb like a crescent moon. His head up by my ribs and feet by my belly button. How a 7lb 20 in baby had room to hang out like that is beyond me. Turns out he was in there like a frog..just like P. 

They weren't in the biggest hurry until Breech was confirmed. Things and tests picked up a bit then. My contractions were coming a bit closer and my nurses didn't want to take any chances. 

We were scheduled for surgery around 545 or 6 but for some reason my labs weren't coming back. I know its normal for them to have extra blood on hand during surgeries, but apparently with Jensen I had needed a bit of blood...something else I didn't know til this round. I swear..that kid tried to kill me. So the important test to tell them exactly what my blood was made up of, or something like that, was delayed in coming back. 

Finally when we could go, around 630, my nurse came in cheering. I got my ass in a wheelchair and we were on our way. 

We dropped Thane off at the recovery room and I had to walk into the operation room with just my nurse and doctor for the third time. 

Saturday, November 25, 2017

Camden's Story- Part 2

Mom was still at least 25 minutes out and my contractions seemed to be coming closer together. How women actually time them is beyond me. I was too busy worrying about how fast we could get to the hospital to make sure the baby didn't come in the car or some crazy shit like that. And Lord knows I wasn't about to call 911 and have my neighbors deliver the baby at our house. That would make for an interesting bbq next summer and we already have a birth story like that in our family..we don't need another one!

I went out to the car to check it one more time and when I got back inside I told Thane to call Jill. My sister in-law who lives down the street, who I had warned we may be calling her at some point to come..and who has been a lifesaver since Camden arrived. We had to get on the road before I had a panic attack.

Thane looked at me like "are you sure?" I may have slung a few swear words at him and then he called her. The convo pretty much went like this on his end, "Hey uh...Jill? It's Thane, um ya. Her water broke, can you...ok ya thanks!" Apparently she knew why he was calling her at 3:30 in the morning.

Jill showed up like 3 seconds later with her cape on...cause I'm pretty sure she flew over to the rescue, I ran over the boy's Halloween costumes quick, and we bolted.

We got on the road not saying much. I started to get a little upset because once body went into labor early. It's a really shitty feeling knowing your body fails you at the end of each pregnancy. It was earlier than I was ok with but at least farther than Parker. Finally Thane was like, "So...we should probably agree on a name."

We had a girl name that we both agreed on, but as our due date came closer I was wavering on "Camden."

It is SO hard to pick a name when you have had a career in the child care field. Almost *every* name has someone associated with it for me.  I was worried Camden was too common. I told Thane we would decide when the baby came...if it was a boy. One of those "you will know when you see them" kind of things.

I was trying to time my contractions in the car so that when I got to the hospital and they asked me I could act like I  actually had my shit together...ya know like a seasoned pro. "Oh contractions? Pssh...this is round 3..they are blah blah apart." In reality..I couldn't focus long enough to comprehend what the clock said when one would start and then actually remember to look again when then ended.

At one point I went, "Thane! When did my last contraction end?!?!?!"

"I don't know!! What contraction!? I didn't 'know you were having one!?!"

Sigh...apparently I should have actually said something out a swear word since that was my theme for this labor.

We were just turning onto the street for Meriter when my mom called, "ok! Jill just left!" I don't know how long she waited to call..but either way I'm glad we didn't wait for her to get to our house before we left!

Thane dropped me off at the front doors and I waddled in while he went to park. Two security guards descended on me like they were super helpful bored men, "Miss?! Are you headed to Triage?"

I laughed..."How'd ya guess?"

They offered me a wheelchair and a ride but I said I was going to wait for Thane but did ask for directions. Getting lost was the last thing I needed.

Thane finally came in about 3 years later and we headed to check in at Triage.