Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Camden- the NICU

We arrived in our temporary home and I couldn't wait to just spend some time with our newest addition and my husband. 

My sisters were texting and trying to figure out when they could come meet him. My sister was the first person to meet my first nephew when he was born...even before my mom. As you can imagine..that still makes us all laugh. She still gloats about it and my mom still pretends to not be annoyed by it. 

Looks like it was going to happen again. 

J rolled in and snatched him up and about 3 minutes later K walked in. There was a slight competition on who got to meet him first..and once again J won. The memory of them both looking at him for the first time is a pretty fantastic one....I probably won't even forget it. Some funny stuff happened...that I will add in here before I print this book because I definitely don't want to forget it. 

Mom, dad, and the boys were not far behind. 

So at this one, besides Thane's mom and now my sisters, knew that Camden was a boy. People thought my mom knew so they were threatening to just call her and ask but jokes on didn't know either. My mom is the biggest reason we decided to not find out the gender this round and I couldn't wait for her to find out. 

I had a plan that if BS3 was a girl..I was going to mess with mom. The original plan was that I was going to have a blue hat on the baby when she walked in but then have a onesie that said something like "Just kidding! I'm a girl!" But let's be real..I didn't get around to making the onesie and thankfully I didn't need it. 

So they walk in..our boys are super pumped to see us and holding balloons so excited to meet their new sibling. Mom is all smiles and anxiously looking at us...we don't announce it. I told mom that the baby needed a diaper change and asked if she could do it. I made Thane record it as she took Camden over to his bed to change him and she asked Parker if he wanted to help. He of course didn't know either and was reeeeeeeeeally hoping for a sister so he ran over quickly. 

I think they were both moral support for each other when they took the diaper off. Not the reaction I was expecting from either of them because they were both really happy...and sworn to secrecy. 

In the meantime, C still wasn't eating well. 

I am always honestly a little nervous to feed our kids right away so I was leaving that up to Thane. It's not the most comfortable to figure out how to bottle feed a baby when you can't sit up comfortably. Thane tried a few times and Camden wasn't taking much food at all. He wasn't doing a good job latching on the bottle. Every blood sugar test they took was lower than it needed to be and they started throwing out "NICU" if it didn't go back up. 

I still wasn't worried. I was so naive. Parker had been fine. Camden will be fine too. 

Finally our nurse nervously asked if she could try to feed him. I'm sure she was worried we would be upset or something but I gladly told her to try. C needed to eat and I didn't care who got him to. She did a few trick and finally got him to latch and take more mls than he had had all day. They were hopeful that would help his blood sugar and we wouldn't have to worry. 

Near the end of the boy's and grandparent's visit the nurses came back in to test him and warned me that if it came back low...this was the last test. He would have to go to the NICU.

They pricked his foot, did the test, and looked up at me to shake their head. 

He had to go. 

I felt like I had been hit by a truck. My biggest fear was coming of my babies was going to the NICU. What if he couldn't come home with us? I didn't have daycare for the boys was I going to come in and be with him? How do people even do that with little ones at home?

Thane left with Camden and the nurse and I stayed behind with our family trying to process what was going on while not losing it in front of the boys. I watched them walk out and I was just thankful the boys were able to meet their brother before he had to leave. 

I expected Thane to be back quickly but I swear he was gone for more than an hour. I had no idea where he was or what they were doing... talk about anxiety. 

He finally came back and gave me the low down. Camden would have to have consistent passing numbers on his blood sugar test and be able to hold his temperature before he could come back. Those numbers were *much* higher in the NICU than on our floor. He would be there for at least 24 hours and then as long as it took. 

I cried. 

I had this illusion that he was just going up there to get some tests done and he'd be right back. What was I thinking? Of course he'd have to stay and be monitored. We got a wheel chair and Thane took me up. I was obviously not able to walk yet and even getting out of bed at that point was ridiculous. 

He took me up, showed me how to get the hand sanitizer and sign in, and showed me to Camden's new room. I was not prepared for what I saw. many cords. An IV stand. A monitor beeping with his breathing and heart rate. It was like we were in a bad movie. My tiny baby laying there hooked up to all those cords. Overwhelmingly awful. 

I was able to hold him thankfully but could only do it for a little bit because it hurt how I sitting. Then I just got to stare at Thane holding him. 

After about an hour I was dying. My butt was numb from the wheelchair and I was in pain, due for meds. Thane offered the recliner he was sitting in but I had already been eyeing it up for that hour. It looked way too low for me to get into without tearing something open..and then it may take the whole staff to get me out. I was stuck in my chair. 

We gave him back and had to head back down. 

That night around 3am I woke up. Everything about this was wrong. My baby wasn't at the foot of my bed. He was up on another floor all alone. My anxiety level was through the roof and I had to go see him. 

I called my nurse and she happily took me up in a wheel chair. She wheeled me into his room, told me to give her a call when I needed to go back, and left me. 

I just sat there sobbing.

I have never felt like that before and I don't even know how to describe it. Seeing my baby hooked up to all those cords...watching a monitor beep with all his vital information...knowing there was literally nothing I could do to help him. Fuck it was awful. 

He was supposed to be waking me up to feed him. I was supposed to be annoyed with Thane for sleeping through his cries while I try to get up out of bed without screaming. I was supposed to be in that hospital bed snuggling him with nurses coming in to yell at me for falling asleep while holding him. 

Instead, he was in a little bed on a pillow with an IV in and I was just staring at him. 

The nurse finally let me hold him and I just sat there with him on my chest telling him how sorry I was. It was my fault he was in there. My body once again couldn't get my baby to full term and now he was in here with a needle in him. Mom guilt to a whole new level. 

I know now that we are lucky. We were in there for reasons they knew and understood how to fix. Camden was also having problems regulating his body temperature so we also had to keep an eye on that the entire stay also but up there he was nice and cozy in his little bed. I know now that our little stay in the NICU is nothing compared to what the other families who were up there were going through. Their babies were going through much more serious issues than temperature regulation and low blood sugar but try telling me that then. 

I couldn't stop crying. I don't know if I have ever cried that much. Add a stressful situation to the state of my hormones and watch out. Constant tears. Constant anxiety. I just wanted to get my baby off that floor and back in our room as soon as we could. 

Thursday, December 7, 2017

Camden- Recovery Room

I got wheeled out of the Delivery room and it was time to start recovery. 

I couldn't wait to get my hands on Camden and just snuggle. Ohh the snuggles. 

This is the part I don't remember a lot about.

I told Thane he could text people but he could NOT tell anyone via text the sex of our baby. I wanted anyone that was going to come see us to find out in person. We had waited this long for people to find out..what's a few more days? 

With the other boys I remember opening my eyes the first time in recovery and seeing my amazing husband nose to his phone with the biggest grin on his face ever. Just texting everyone he knew. 

I got wheeled in, they got me all set up, and then I had a baby on my chest...finally! 

This is the first place where the word "NICU" got thrown around. Camden's nurse in recovery was so amazing. Super sweet and beyond attentive to him. 

She noticed him grunting a lot or making some weird noise. She warned us that it could very well just be him trying to clear all the baby gunk out of this throat but it could also be a sign he wasn't breathing the best on his own. She was keeping a very close eye on him.

I only got to hold him for a few minutes because then one of my nurses came in and announced she had to push on me. 

For the love of God this part is horrendous. I wanted to cry before she even touched me because I knew what kind of pain was coming. 

I had to reluctantly give Camden back to Thane as I didn't want to like throw him in the air as a reaction to her pushing on my uterus. I call that "being a good mom." (Lesson one for new moms..don't throw a newborn in the air.)   

They took C off of me and we found out he pooped all over me. Nice. Thank man. They quickly got him a diaper...and me a new beautiful hospital gown. 

The pushing on me began and kept up about every 15 minutes. 

I'm so naive. I had no idea what was going on when they was going on. After 3 C-Sections I just thought they were pushing on my stomach to make sure my uterus was going down...until my friend Sara was like "" 

She looked at me like I was insane and then told me was actually happening while they pushed on me. I almost gagged. We determined that since I literally couldn't feel anything past my chest... that is why I had never noticed the um..outcome of their pushing. I feel really dumb that I didn't know that was happening...but I'm thankful too because Lord knows between the pain and and visualizing that I probably would have passed out.

While all this was happening, Thane attempted to feed C for the first time. He only took 3mls. They were hoping for like 5 to 10 I think but since it was the first feeding..not too much of a concern.

So this went on..every 15 minutes my nurse would come some stuff on the computer..and then make me swear. 

At one point about an hour into recovery, the charge nurse (I'm assuming? or just a head nurse whatever their title is) came in to check on my uterus pushing progress. "Ok..this is how I like to do it." She turns to me..."Focus on a spot on the ceiling and blow really hard like you're blowing out a birthday candle."

I biggie. I fixated on a spot and she put her hands like she was about to give CPR to my uterus and when I blew she pushed on me....and I screamed the F word so loud I'm pretty sure I scared the new dad next door waiting on his wife. Ya buddy...get ready to listen to your wife scream too. Cripes. 

She checked me and was like "There we go! I like to have them breath hard!" I wanted to punch her. Every time she walked in after that I flinched. Not that it mattered because then my nurse began to push on me like I was a CPR dummy. 

I kept doing skin to skin on and off with C because he was a tad chilly and I just wanted to hold him. 

His nurse kept checking on him and his breathing and so far she wasn't very concerned. She explained to us that since he was "Late term Preemie" she wanted to keep an extra eye on him just to make sure he was doing ok. I wasn't worried one bit. 

Parker had been born almost a week and a half earlier than Camden and he was fine! His only problem was his temperature, which provided a whole new set of stressful problems for us as 1st time parents, but it was minor. I knew Camden would be ok and we could start our snuggle fest really really soon. 

I was looking forward to my recovery time in the hospital just the 3 of us. I knew that once I got home I wouldn't have much time alone with C so I planned on soaking up all the skin to skin I could and relaxing with my husband. Yes...I was looking forward to my C-Section recovery as a type of vacation. Ha! 

I forgot to mention pretty much everyone was impressed with my consistency as a mom. 3 breech babies. 3 babies who came earlier than expected. 3 boys. 

I think those are 3 good reasons to be done having babies. 

Sunday, December 3, 2017

Camden- Part 4

So I'm walking into the hustle and bustle of the OR and I begin to panic a little bit. 

I stated to remember the surgery...the aftermath...the recovery. 

I feel a little bit like a kid who just wants to run the other way but Lord knows that wouldn't help this situation. 

I sat down on the table and started to cry. 

My nurse grabbed my hand, "What's wrong!? Are you ok!?"

I nodded and said, "I just really hate all of this. I hate this part." I waved my hand around...and realized it looked like I was being a baby about the giant needle that was about to get pushed into my back. "Oh wait, no not you!" to the anesthesiologist, "You're my favorite."

My nurse and doctor stood there helping me through my contractions, making sure I was calm and talking me through what he was doing behind me. I still am so thankful my doctor took the time to stand there with me and comfort me. I know she didn't have anything else going on at that exact moment, but still. She took the time to rub my shoulder and make sure I was doing ok and it meant the world. Once again...Madison Women's Health. Can't say enough good things about them!! 

Drugs were in and and introductions started. I had officially hit the shift change. Everyone I had just met and spent the last few hours with were going home. My anesthesiologist was going home. My nurses whom I had come to really like were going home. At least my doctor was staying. 

The anesthesiologist I had met and talked with before was the one to put in my epidural which was good but now he was heading out. I was a little concerned until I heard him talking with the new guy. The new guy didn't just trust everything he was saying, they both walked through everything that had just been done and he was checking my previous guy's work. Comforting when you know he was at the end of his night shift and probably super tired. 

Time to lay down. A bunch of people came over to help me lay down. Ever try to lay down when you can't feel the bottom half of your body?'s interesting. 

Surgery prep began.

My anesthesiologist took a crazy cold instrument and put it on my face. "Feel how cold this is? Let me know when you feel that again." He started somewhere down where it was numb and slowly drug it up.  

I have never been so focused on what a doctor was doing. 

I needed to make sure that I couldn't feel that shit...can you imagine!? Talk about stressful. I could kind of feel it but not the coldness. I didn't feel the cold until up by my chest and then I was worried that it was to far up. Did the anesthetic work *too* well?? Why could I not feel anything until my chest??

Seriously...I worry about *everything.*

Sheet went up and I began to feel awful. 

They asked how I was doing and I let them know that I felt very light headed and was seeing black. I was about to pass out. That was new. 

Thane walked in as they were shoving a puke bag next to my head. He was a bit confused and I instructed him that if I yelled "BAG" he needed to be on his game. I'm not sure how that goes. How does one vomit into a bag while laying flat on their back unable to move at all without chocking and dying?

Surgery started and thankfully I didn't feel a thing. Phew.

I was still light headed and nauseous for a little bit but that went away and I tried to think about other if I die on the table will Thane be ok with 3 babies? How will he afford daycare? Would he qualify for assistance? Yes....I'm dramatic. 

C-Sections are so strange. 

You can't feel anything but you can hear everything. It's suuuuuuuuuuuuuper gross. I feel them tugging on things and my body is moving but I have no idea what they are doing. I tried really hard to not focus on what they were saying. I didn't want to know when they were moving things..or taking things out until it was my baby. 

Camden apparently started to cry before they took him out. Our nurse commented on how crazy it sounds when that happens. I finally heard him when they pulled him out all the way. 

Talk about an awesome moment. The moment I feel like everyone holds their breath for. "Is my baby ok??" Insert baby cry and *huge* exhale from mom. 

A nurse brought him over so we could see and said, "Here he is!!!!" and then her eyes got really wide.

I had been asked approximately 800 times who was going to tell me the sex of our baby. I wanted Thane too and was looking forward to it. What a cool moment for my husband!

The moment the nurse walked past the curtain Thane spun around to see him and look. The nurse announced it on accident and he then spun back to me with a huge grin on his face, "It's a boy!!!!"

At that moment, I could care less that she said it. I almost didn't even catch it. I was waiting for Thane to tell me and I was so focused on him.

The second I saw him I knew his name was Camden. It had to be. It's was such a strange moment. I saw him and had no doubt. I wasn't so sure driving in and I told Thane we would have like 4 days to figure out a name so he could just calm the f down (remember...the theme of this labor was swearing)...but at that moment I knew. His name was perfect for him. 

And no, I was not surprised Cam was a boy. 

I had a total mom moment where something told me he was a boy. It was one of the most calming experiences I've ever had. I was putting away a vacuum at work after cleaning up a kid's projectile vomit and as I walked back to the store room I head a voice, "It's a boy." I stopped walked, tears came to my eyes, and I smiled. Considering the owner has a direct line to's very likely that God himself was hanging out in our break room enjoying one of the massage chairs and felt the need to tell me. I know that sounds insane...and I agree...but it really did happen! And wasn't Bob whispering from his desk. 

Anyways...Thane walked over with the nurse to get him cleaned up and they started to put me back together. 

Remember my birth plan? Get my baby out and don't leave anything behind? I heard one of the nurses begin their inventory count. 

She would announce something, say how many they needed, and start counting. One of the times she said, "Blah blah, 5. 1,2,3,4..............................................................."

I almost died. 

"Where was 5!?!?!? Where was it!?!? Ohmygod they left it in me." (All of that was in my head..I didn't freak out out loud.)

About 7 minutes later, ok it was probably actually like 3 seconds, she goes "Oh! 5. It's in her hand still. Ha ha."

Ya ha ha lady. 

Thane got to bring Camden back over to me once he was cleanish and such. I started to cry and my glasses fogged up but I was still able to see him...kinda. 

"We have another boy! Congrats momma!"

I said, "Hi Camden!!!" and touched his head. Thane just looked at "You sure about his name??" I nodded..."No doubt."

Thane sat holding him and I just stared crying. Hormones you guys. Hormones. A nurse came over and asked me if I wanted to hold him. 

Originally I had and I had even asked our nurse to make sure it happened. It's super awkward to hold a newborn on you when you are laying flat on your back with a huge sheet basically at your shoulders.  The baby lays almost on your neck and you can't see them very well. It's also super awkward for your husband to figure out how to lay said newborn safely on you. Nurses are pros though. They can flop your baby on you like a no other. 

I wasn't feeling the best so I opted out of holding him but told Thane to get his fill because once we got to recovery I wasn't letting go. The nurse nodded and looked at Thane and was like, "Well geesh, at least hold him so she can see him!!" She adjusted him in Thane's arms and I finally got to really see my baby. 

Kid had SO much hair. No wonder I had heart burn the last few weeks. 

It would be another few hours before I could really look at him. Half the time he was snuggled up by my face or Thane was holding him. The entire time he was totally covered up because A. he was just born and B. he was a "late term premie." 

They finished sewing me up and they sent Thane and Camden out to our recovery room. Instead of picking up the blanket and having like 15 people move me to a new bed (something that had terrified me every surgery. I'm not a light person..) they now have like an inflatable raft. Coolest thing ever. They just blew it up and gently shoved me over.

Game over....time to head to the recovery room. 

I'm officially a mom to 3 boys. 

Friday, December 1, 2017

Camden's Story- Part 3

Triage is so frustrating. 

I know you have to go...I know they have a ton of stuff to do. But damnit...just get my kid out.

We checked in at the desk, while having contractions, and the guy was asking me all sorts of complicated questions. "Whats my name? My birthday? My address?"

Dude. I have a human attempting to push his way out of my insides as you ask me all these questions. We both know my info is right. I called ahead the other week and did this. I know it' you job..but shut up and give me my wristband so I can get meds. Thanks.

We get checked in and Thane promptly finds a chair to sit...and then looks up and is like "Oh! Do you want to sit?"

I just stare at him while I'm breathing through a contraction.

 No. I'm good.

They get us in and hooked up to all the monitors and the waiting game begins. I have no idea how women who do childbirth the old fashioned way do it. I was SO anxious to hold him. I needed surgery to just start already. I can't imagine having to wait another whole 24 hours like some do! 

My nurses were amazing, per usual at Meriter.

They distracted me with questions about the boys who were already on the outside. We talked about life in general. Halloween. blah blah. Lots of other things that didn't mean a lot but it was helpful.

I called my mom during all this to make sure everything was ok so far. reality I called because I realized I was going to miss the Today show's Halloween costumes and I wanted her to DVR it. Her respose? "Oh! I know! It's Halloween! I thought it was tomorrow. Good thing I turned on the news!!"

*insert forehead slap* 

Thank god we talked and that she saw the news. It would have been awful if Parker had got sent off to school without his Tarantula costume on! 

I however had to give Thane the phone to walk her through setting up the DVR. I couldn't handle that and breathing through contractions. Way too much stress all at once. 

Anyways, one of my nurses brought in the portable ultrasound machine and it was the moment I had been waiting for...was this baby breech?

Not that it mattered. 

C-Section was the only option in my head. Too many risks involved in a V-Bac that it just wasn't worth it for me. As I told people, they used the word "rupture" about 8 times too many in the informational pamphlet that they give you. I pretty much had my mind made up after the first time they used the word and I got all hot and wanted to puke. Nope. Sign me up for C-Section Number 3! 

In fact, when my doctor had asked me my birth plan she was like, "Any music you want? Blah blah." (I don't remember the other options you have while doing surgery.) I told her the only thing I wanted was for no one to try to turn the baby. I know my kids...they would turn them and the kid would be like "HA! Jokes!" and flip right back. She looked at me like I was crazy, "Ya...we won't be doing that to you." Phew. (Yes Leslie..if you're reading this. You have scared me for life with your birth story.) I want you to listen to whatever music you want to. You're the one who needs to focus. I don't need you listening to Eric Church for the first time ever being all distracted like "Wow! Who is this? He's amazing!" listen to your normal stuff thanks. 

My birth plan was as follows: "Get my kid out. Don't leave anything behind. Keep us safe."

Birth plans for me are a joke. My plan for Parker was simple. "Don't have a C-Section." Yup..that turned out great.

Anyways. Breech or not?

She was using the monitor and informed us that Baby 3 was breech. I just laughed. Seriously? 3 breech. At least my kids are consistent? People ended up being super impressed with how alike all my labors went actually.

 I'm a rock star. 

He was in womb like a crescent moon. His head up by my ribs and feet by my belly button. How a 7lb 20 in baby had room to hang out like that is beyond me. Turns out he was in there like a frog..just like P. 

They weren't in the biggest hurry until Breech was confirmed. Things and tests picked up a bit then. My contractions were coming a bit closer and my nurses didn't want to take any chances. 

We were scheduled for surgery around 545 or 6 but for some reason my labs weren't coming back. I know its normal for them to have extra blood on hand during surgeries, but apparently with Jensen I had needed a bit of blood...something else I didn't know til this round. I swear..that kid tried to kill me. So the important test to tell them exactly what my blood was made up of, or something like that, was delayed in coming back. 

Finally when we could go, around 630, my nurse came in cheering. I got my ass in a wheelchair and we were on our way. 

We dropped Thane off at the recovery room and I had to walk into the operation room with just my nurse and doctor for the third time. 

Saturday, November 25, 2017

Camden's Story- Part 2

Mom was still at least 25 minutes out and my contractions seemed to be coming closer together. How women actually time them is beyond me. I was too busy worrying about how fast we could get to the hospital to make sure the baby didn't come in the car or some crazy shit like that. And Lord knows I wasn't about to call 911 and have my neighbors deliver the baby at our house. That would make for an interesting bbq next summer and we already have a birth story like that in our family..we don't need another one!

I went out to the car to check it one more time and when I got back inside I told Thane to call Jill. My sister in-law who lives down the street, who I had warned we may be calling her at some point to come..and who has been a lifesaver since Camden arrived. We had to get on the road before I had a panic attack.

Thane looked at me like "are you sure?" I may have slung a few swear words at him and then he called her. The convo pretty much went like this on his end, "Hey uh...Jill? It's Thane, um ya. Her water broke, can you...ok ya thanks!" Apparently she knew why he was calling her at 3:30 in the morning.

Jill showed up like 3 seconds later with her cape on...cause I'm pretty sure she flew over to the rescue, I ran over the boy's Halloween costumes quick, and we bolted.

We got on the road not saying much. I started to get a little upset because once body went into labor early. It's a really shitty feeling knowing your body fails you at the end of each pregnancy. It was earlier than I was ok with but at least farther than Parker. Finally Thane was like, "So...we should probably agree on a name."

We had a girl name that we both agreed on, but as our due date came closer I was wavering on "Camden."

It is SO hard to pick a name when you have had a career in the child care field. Almost *every* name has someone associated with it for me.  I was worried Camden was too common. I told Thane we would decide when the baby came...if it was a boy. One of those "you will know when you see them" kind of things.

I was trying to time my contractions in the car so that when I got to the hospital and they asked me I could act like I  actually had my shit together...ya know like a seasoned pro. "Oh contractions? Pssh...this is round 3..they are blah blah apart." In reality..I couldn't focus long enough to comprehend what the clock said when one would start and then actually remember to look again when then ended.

At one point I went, "Thane! When did my last contraction end?!?!?!"

"I don't know!! What contraction!? I didn't 'know you were having one!?!"

Sigh...apparently I should have actually said something out a swear word since that was my theme for this labor.

We were just turning onto the street for Meriter when my mom called, "ok! Jill just left!" I don't know how long she waited to call..but either way I'm glad we didn't wait for her to get to our house before we left!

Thane dropped me off at the front doors and I waddled in while he went to park. Two security guards descended on me like they were super helpful bored men, "Miss?! Are you headed to Triage?"

I laughed..."How'd ya guess?"

They offered me a wheelchair and a ride but I said I was going to wait for Thane but did ask for directions. Getting lost was the last thing I needed.

Thane finally came in about 3 years later and we headed to check in at Triage.

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Camden's Story- Part 1

Camden's birth story starts on October 30th.

I posted a status about how I was doing a huge shopping trip to prepare for the baby. The last time I did that, ya know..with water broke about 5 hours later at the end of my work day. I made the status into a joke..not knowing it was going to happen again. This time I had at least gotten home to put the milk away though!

That day I just got my newest shipment of LuLaRoe and it contained my Christmas leggings. I was exhausted but I knew if I didn't go live in my Facebook group that night I wouldn't get to it until after Thanksgiving.

I went live looking like a hot mess and stood there talking to my favorite people for almost an hour. I apologized for breathing heavy and I often lost my train of thought while working. He was moving pretty sharply and making bending over really difficult. People joked about me having a Live Facebook birth. I just prayed my water wouldn't break while in front of the camera!

A few days later my friend text me and asked me if I was having contractions during the live. She said, "Watch minute 24 and like 30!" I didn't actually feel anything but I think she was right...something was definitely happening.

I wrapped up my live show and resisted the urge to go to bed. I knew I needed to bag up everyone's orders, put their names on the packages, and send out invoices before I let myself go to bed. Which thankfully I did because once we got home the kids messed with my buckets downstairs and totally would have messed up my life.

I crawled upstairs and made Thane rub my back because apparently standing on concrete while pregnant is a killer on your back. We went to bed around 10:30 and I woke up at 3am.

I laid there trying to figure out what woke me up. Normally I had to go to the bathroom at that time so I laid there for a minute trying to figure out if the pressure I was feeling was the baby pushing on my bladder or labor.

Ok..keep in mind as I previously stated. I'm paranoid. I pretty much woke up every night when I had to pee thinking "Ohmygod is this it??"

I rolled out of bed, put my feet on the floor and froze.

Either I reeeeally had to pee and couldn't hold it (which if you've been pregnant you know that sadly sometimes that is a thing) or my water was breaking.

I stood there a second with my mind spinning. My water couldn't be breaking. I had *just* talked to someone about how their water broke with their first 2 boys but not their third. My water shouldn't break this time! (Heelllooooo irrational Pam! Welcome back.)

I rushed to the bathroom and yup.

Water broke.

I vividly remember standing in our bathroom looking at the floor and I broke out in the dumbest grin ever and just shook my head as it dawned on me what day it was.

I was literally having a Halloween baby.

I totally had called it.

I decided I had stopped leaking enough to actually move and go get Thane up. I went into our room, hit his feet and said "Babe! Let's do this! Call my mom!" By some grace of God I was calm at that moment. I began to go into robot mode. What needed to be done? This mode lasted about 5 minutes.

I called my doctor and gave Thane my phone to answer for when they called back. I had to shower. I hadn't gotten around to it that day and there was no way I was going into delivery without showering first.

Thane appeared in the doorway. "Ok, your mom wants to know if she should come?"

I stared at him blankly. "Thane. I am *literally* pissing on the bathroom floor. YES she needs to come NOW!" what they both actually meant was should she come to our house or should she meet us at the hospital..but when you are a tad frantic and starting to have minor contractions you don't always process things clearly.

We frantically ran around the house packing up the car and making sure we had everything in our bags. Thank God for lists. If I had forgotten my pillow I would not have been a happy camper.

I slowly opened Jensen's door and just stood there staring at him. Talk about emotional. Looking at your baby, who was about to not be your baby anymore. I stood there crying and rubbing his back and blew him a kiss because I was too huge to actually reach him for a kiss.

I wanted to go say bye to Parker too and when I opened his door, he popped up in bed. I was secretly pumped that we had woken him up so I could actually smooch him and say goodbye. It's hard to say goodbye to your kids when you know you're going to be in the hospital for at least 3 days.

"Parker guess what!!!! The baby is coming!!"

"Whaaaaat?!" He was groggy and excited at the same time. He was pretty excited to meet his "new sister." So excited in fact that I was worried about how he would react if BS3 was a boy...

I told him to go back to sleep and when he got up Grandma would be there to put him on the bus for school.

I made sure their Halloween costumes were laid out and their candy baskets were ready to go. I was disappointed that we wouldn't be able to take them out Trick or Treating that night, but it was only one year. We would have an even better Halloween next year.

I looked at Thane..."ok we need to go."

I was starting to have stronger contractions and it was making my panic. Contractions aren't really the best thing to be having when you live 45 minutes from the hospital and you are having a c-section.

I called my mom to see how close she was. The main road to get to our house from their house was closed. So she was going to have to come through Dodgeville; which meant it would take her an extra 15ish minutes to get to our place.

I got a hold of her and she was just outside of Spring Green heading to Dodgeville. My heart dropped.

She was at least 25 minutes out still.

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Camden Part 2- The Scares

It's my goal to only have one "ohmygod the baby is coming" mistakes each pregnancy and we had one this time too.

I honestly don't even know what week we were...34 maybe?...when I started to feel a lot of pressure. I didn't think it was contractions, but it pretty much had me laying down all day on Friday and it sure as hell made me pack my bag. Saturday I had a LuLaRoe event and I was fine, but Sunday the pressure was back and had me laid out again with a slight panic.

I talked to Thane about it..called my mom crying about it...and everyone's response, if you're worried just call! I don't know about anyone else, but I always feel dumb calling. I know I'm being paranoid, but on day 3 of pressure and worrying I'm missing something..I gave in.

I called and because of my "pre-term" labor history they wanted me to come into Triage. I got hooked up to the baby heart rate monitor and they warned me that anything between 120 and 160 is fine. We will see spikes but as long as they come down or go back we are fine and that is actually what they want to see.

So when I say I felt literally felt like he was right at the edge, kicking his feet to get out. It was a crazy feeling and I knew it wasn't normal. Every time I would feel it in Triage, his heart rate would spike to like 170. Luckily, while there it happened a lot so they could see what I was talking about. Nothing is more frustrating than calling your  mom to come up on a Sunday afternoon and heading in and then the symptoms don't happen. I was glad they were happening  more while we were there..and that I actually had decided to go in. If that had happened while at home I would have been in a straight up panic. They were happening often. Apparently every time he moved it felt like he was coming.

His heart rate also dropped below the 120 mark to like 110. It always came back up pretty quickly but cripes talk about stressful.

They checked to see if I was dilated and I wasn't and ran some other tests. Turns out it was just a pregnancy related UTI and antibiotics would cure it. I made sure there was no Sufla in them because lord knows we didn't 'need a repeat of Jensen. I got my antibiotics and we were on our way home.

Another scare came at my weekly appointment after we had been at the pumpkin patch. My nurse was taking all my vitals etc and when she got to the "have you been feeling the baby move" I hesitated. I thought about our day and I hadn't felt him move much at all. Granted we were walking like all morning so he was probably sleeping..but by now you get it. I'm nervous. She stopped typing and looked at me...and I said, "Well, not so much today but..." She asked me if I was concerned about it and when I hesitated before answering she said, "Too late! Let's go to the monitor." Another reason I love Madison Women's Health. They listen to you...don't rush you...and they honestly care.

She hooked me up to the monitor and his heart rate was very very low. Well, ok no. It was low to me. He was usually like 140s but that day he was like 125. Nurse not super concerned but for me..that wasn't his norm.

I had to be on the monitor for 20 minutes before they could access the situation. The doctor came in, because I had to meet with her anyway that day. She looked at the results and said, "Hmm, ok. Let's stay on a bit longer." My nurse nodded and said, "Ok! Let's get you some juice! and feel free to chug it." Neeever a good sign when they give you juice and tell you to chug.

His heart rate dropped to about 110 or lower a few times.

I cried.

I talked to my nurse about her twins and their NICU experience. Which little did I know we would soon be having one of those experiences as well.

After the juice she came back and frowned. "Let's turn you on your side." Ugggggggh. Crap.

So we adjusted the straps and my body and she stayed with me to watch.

He *finally* started to move more.

She and the doctor were surprised. "Usually that doesn't work! Apparently your baby is very particular."

This kid was already way more stressful than both the boys had been. I was hoping that meant that once he arrived he would be the easiest of the three.