#last90days

Day 3 of me doing the #90lastdays challenge..and day 2 of me actually waking up on time to do my version. I should probably figure out what I want the other 4 items on my daily to do list are. It's Rachel Hollis' newest motivational idea. 90 days left of the year...spend them on an upward climb instead of a downward spiral. In a nut shell. 

She has 5 items on the daily check list. And now that I'm trying to find said checklist at 545am I realize I must be using the wrong hashtag. Oiy. Need.More.Coffee. 

So it's like...get up an hour early. Drink an assload of water. Exercise at least 30 minutes a day. Write down 10 things you are grateful for. and one more thing...I only have like 25 more minutes until my monsters may wake up..I don't have time to research it right now. 

I figure, I should already be drinking that much water and moving for 30 minutes a day...but ok I'll admit I'm not. Maybe I'll try to do all those and my blogging/reading routine will take place of the grateful part. I've never been good at that. I'm not a deep person and I feel like it puts so much pressure on me to have these deep things I'm grateful for. I don't think I can focus that much and that long on one task to really write something profound. 

I mean right now...I'm grateful Jensen went back to sleep. I'm standing outside his door at 5:32 hanging birthday streamers and he throws open his door. I don't have his birthday balloons out yet...the streamers are all in my hand...not a fun birthday surprise. AND I wanted to blog and drink coffee. So yes. I am grateful he went back to bed. 

I don't feel that is deep enough to write on paper and look back at in a few weeks and think "Woowww Pam. You really get life." I'd look back and roll my eyes and think "Yup. You got lucky Sutter. You almost legit had to start your day at 530...and end up with a crabby 3 year old by noon."

FOUND IT!! It's #last90days.

God that'd be embarrassing to base my stuff on the wrong hashtag. I should probably tell the other 2 people I found on Facebook that are also doing it wrong. Then we can join the 15K other people who have their lives together. 

Weird how I forgot the food one. 

I saw someone was giving up coffee creamer. Ummmmmmmm. No. How does one drink their coffee with no flavor and close their eyes and pretend they are in a hotel room on a beach with no one bothering them? Not that I do that. I'm just saying hypothetically how would one do that?

I suppose I should just stick to her 5 huh? I mean this women has sold 9 million copies of Girl WasYour Face (those are my estimated numbers not actual fact.). I think she knows what is going on.

Fun fact: When I started this blog it was titled: Why We Sold Our House. Clearly my brain didn't like that.  

I should have some catch phrase to end my blogs. Like Al Roker "Let's see what's happening outside your window!" or "Stay Classy San Diego!" 

If you want to laugh right now..please go google Anchor Man Quotes. 

Have a good day everyone! Make someone smile today. 

Adjustments

We have been at my parent's for about 2 weeks now and everyone is finally starting to adjust.

I would say Jensen had the hardest time with the move..followed by Bernie. When we got here Bugs kept saying he wanted to go home. We would tell him we were home and his would just shake his head and say "no...my home!"

Ugh. If anything makes you cry...it's your kid not understanding what huge life event you're all going through.

He is up almost every night. My parents have two ways to get downstairs from our rooms and we have one gated off because I have pictured him sleeping walking and falling down it more times than I can count. Pretty much every night the first week he would end up screaming somewhere between 230 and 330. One night Thane found him downstairs on the other side of the house screaming "Mooooommmmmmmyyyyyyyy!!!!" He couldn't find me. Thane's response apparently was "Well..a good place to start to find mommy would be in our room buddy." If only you could reason with a half asleep almost 3 year old. Or just a 3 year old in general...

Since that night we blocked the hallway going down the back stairs too with our laundry hamper. The next night we woke up to him wailing outside our room. I threw open the door and he was walking back and forth in the hallway crying for me. I thought maybe he just doesn't understand where our room is...but nope. I woke up a few hours later with him in my face asking about his Nuk. He defiantly knows where our room is.

Bernie. Did you know our dog could tap dance?

Me either. Until I heard him pacing in my parent's tiled kitchen at 430am. His toe nails. Ugh we need to get them cut.

For a few days he was so restless. He likes to follow me everywhere in general but now he has a substantial amount of square footage to cover to do so. Poor guy. He would sit down..settle his old bones..and then I would hop up to do something and he would slowly stand up to follow me. He didn't seem to relax until I found his blankets to cover his toddler mattress that is in our room. Because yes...that is his dog bed. He's huge. I posted a picture of him the day I found them...he laid down and instantly passed out.

We are slowly getting things unpacked or put away in the storage area.

Lesson learned: It doesn't matter if you are exhausted and want to just throw all your shit away instead of unpacking it...just unpack the damn boxes. ASAP.

and hire movers.

We have been SO busy since we moved. It seems like we have something every night. It is making it impossible to unpack.

I could unpack during the day but on top of trying to get ready for 2 birthday parties I have to do laundry.

Yes laundry.

We took our washer and dryer out the Saturday before we moved. No, we didn't sell it with the house because the washer took a shit 2 days after we decided to list and instead of taking the risk that Thane couldn't fix it and we would have to buy a new one...we just took it off the listing and it is now in storage. Also, want to know a really fantastic time for your washer to break? When you are trying to potty train a super stubborn 2 year old.

So anyways. Washer was out a few days before we were..oh wait best part.

Two Saturdays before closing was our "move big stuff day" including the wash but we had my nephew's birthday party before hand. So we all get back in the car after the park party to rush home to get going and Camden has a Gatorade bottle he is playing with. Driving along....."MOM!!!! Camden took off his cap!!!!!!"

We are 20 minutes from moving our washer and dryer and our kid had just taken the cap off and was spilling a pretty much full bottle of sticky liquid all over himself and the car seat.

Story of our lives with 3 boys.

So we get home and my brother-in-law was ever so gracious as to spend the next 20 minutes tearing apart the car seat so we could wash it on the fastest cycle possible. They just had to move the washer and dryer last. Not the end of the world...but just really bad timing. Wondering the amount of Gatorade in the seat? He picked up the car seat and it was dripping blue. Huge puddle on the table.

So..no washer with a family of 5 means that in like 2 days you have 9 loads to do. I had to roll into my mom's like a college kid and hand her a GIANT box marked "dirty laundry." Made her laugh...until Sunday when she was being awesome and trying to do our laundry and the wash machine broke.

Apparently bad luck follows us around.

It's actually ok to use we found out. Thane was down to his last pair of man undies...ya know..the reserve ones...and I was not about to go to the laundry mat in the pouring rain so we tested it out. After 2 days of thinking the washer didn't work...it worked swimmingly. I spent the next 2 days straight doing our laundry with no problems. It was all fine until Monday when a load of my LuLaRoe became trapped in the washer and it wouldn't unlock. But positive note to this story: I sat down and designed my perfect laundry room. I knew exactly what I wanted. Now to just talk Thane into letting me get the flooring I think I want.

The weekend before our closing was crazy. We had been staying with our new roommates and it was Thane's 15 year reunion Saturday night. So we were going to stay at the house after the party and finish packing and cleaning Sunday and call it good. We hadn't moved the boy's beds yet since they don't need them at mom and dad's so we threw them in the living room to sleep on. Another lesson learned:buying a cheap mattress from Menards is really bad. I mean I slept amazing on Parker's memory foam bed. Thane camped out on Jensen's....and he filled me in on this life lesson. (Confession: I knew Parker's bed would be more comfortable since I had just laid in J's bed a few nights before. I let the drunk guy sleep on it on purpose.)

 I called my mom at like 830 on Sunday to check on the boys and told her we would be home for lunch. She seemed surprised that we would be done that quickly. I rolled my eyes...moms.

Ya. 4:30 rolls around and we were FINALLY leaving.

I was a wreck.

Not so much because I was sad about leaving but  more so because I have never been so sick of doing a task than I was of packing up that damn house.

I swear things just kept appearing. I would think I had a room clean and then I would walk by and see something in the corner I hadn't seen since we moved in 4 years before.

By 4 I was ready to have a meltdown.

Total random side note. We were sitting at the bar before closing, enjoying the Brewer game (well one of us was enjoying it..I was staring at my phone) and eating a lunch by ourselves when I came across this in my Facebook Timehop:

I mean...come on. The timing of this post is pretty crazy. I will say...everything has been falling into place for all of this. Building has always been our dream but deep down I had my doubts it would actually happen. It's crazy expensive. Ok...I'm going to stop. This is another blog post. 

Dreams Do Come True

It seems like an appropriate title for what I hope to be a series of blogs about our lives while building our dream home. I'd love to make a Blurb book about our journey so we can look back on it in 15 years and laugh at how ridiculous I was. 

Well...hopefully while we build our dream home.

I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. (That's a saying right?)

I keep waiting for the phone call saying..."yaaa....the sale fell through. They aren't buying your home anymore. Delete you Pinterest board and enjoy picking up the pieces of those shattered dreams."

We close in 19 days. I hope to hell that doesn't actually happen. 

I have put off packing because I don't want to get it all packed and then not move. I didn't want to jinx it. 

Well there is that and the fact that I can't get much packed during the day and by time bedtime stories are over I'm ready for bed. Parker now has his own room in the basement thanks to his brother being too big of  a distraction at night so I'm not able to work down there when the kids go down. (good excuse right? Don't mention to me that I have a whole second level to get packed.) 

So what is the status of our life right now? 

Crazy town. 

I am currently driving Parker to a bus stop 17 minutes away and picking him up from said bus stop. We had been debating on where he was going to start the year for what seems like forever. Our home inspection results didn't come back until a few days after Barneveld registration so being the pessimist that I am...I enrolled him there.  You may be wondering why that has anything to do with registration. We have had *awful* luck with home inspections. Ok..just when we were trying to buy a house. But still. Scared. 

I was still trying to figure out how I could open enroll him to River Valley for 3 weeks and not totally over extend myself in the process of getting him to school. There was an option of driving him to Spring Green to get on the shuttle bus up the the Early Learning Center...which was doable since I'm at home but that is a 25 minute drive...at least. Which in the morning that is hard enough..but cutting into nap time at the end of the day would totally suck. (Didn't know at that point that we would have to cut Jensen's naps out the day school started. Ya...that has been fun.) 

My old friend Erin suggested that I look into a bus stop in Arena...and low and behold there is a stop 17 minutes from our house! She literally solved this problem and made all the anxiety about his school melt away. Well that is not true...my anxiety about his school trip could be its own blog post. #eyeroll

I find myself just standing in the kitchen staring at everything. There is so much to do and I'm such a procrastinator. 

I'm not ready to take the pictures off our walls yet. I mean..now that I just realized we only have 19 more days I am kind of itching to get out of bed and start throwing things in boxes. But the thought of taking down all the pictures I love looking at every day..and then not seeing them for a year makes me want to cry. 

Yes. Im a dramatic hoarder. 

I'm aware. 

Marriage status: Still going strong. I'd give us a solid 8.9 right now. Not a 10 because I'm annoyed that he'd rather watch the Brewers than lay on the couch and watch Justified with me. Give my about 15 more days and I'm sure we will be a solid 6.2. I'll probably be yelling  a lot and throwing bubble wrap around like confetti. He will be calmly telling me to calm down because we still have 4 more days to pack. I'll yell at him for being so calm. He will roll his eyes and give me a cape and tell me that I'm super mad now. Totally joking but have you guys seen that floating around Facebook? I laugh every time I see it. 

Anyways...stay tuned for more. There is a lot to come. Wish us luck. 

Blame it on the Rain

The storm last night. 

It was a good one. 

I used to love sleeping while it was raining. The sound of the rain was relaxing..especially on a Sunday morning when I was going to sleep in. 

A loud clap of thunder would wake me up at let's say...7 and I would get to roll back over and fall asleep to the sound of the rain. Maybe snuggle in with Thane and call it good til 10am. The perfect Sunday.

Then we had kids. 

Now a storm at night is nice to fall asleep to...but I lay there wondering if one of the kids will wake up screaming. 

Last night went like this. 

Me passed the F out..because that is how I sleep now. Hard. Yet any little sound usually wakes me up. 

and all of a sudden....BOOM!!!!! Downpour.

My eyes fly open and I lay really still to listen to see if anyone is crying. I thought I heard Jensen so I lay awake listening as hard as I could. 

He is on the top bunk so if he wakes up and wants to get down..he can't. I guess the other night he had a nightmare and was crying out for me. I say "I guess" because I am Mom of the Year and didn't wake up to it. So I think that guilt played a factor in how often I was up last night listening for anyone to wake up terrified. 

Once I was sure no one was awake and scared I drifted off to sleep only to be woke up by another BOOM and more pouring rain. 

Now I laid there trying to figure out how we will fit two kids and Bernie in our Queen sized bed. Parker alone is too much but now what if Jensen needs to come in? Maybe someone could use Bernie as a pillow...

I feel back asleep without a solution to that one. 

The last time I woke up I laid there doing a mental checklist of all the shit we have outside. (Hi..those neighbors here. Nice to meet you!) Racking my brain to make sure all the important stuff was inside. It went something like this:

Battery operated corvette...ya Thane said they pulled it in and I didn't see it when I came home. Not getting up. 

Garage door...down. According to Thane. If it wasn't I could bitch at him in the morning when all the garage sale stuff was wet. Not getting up. 

Water table on the deck. Well Pam..it's a water table. It's ok to be out in the rain..but shit the lid. I had the lid laying on the deck full of water for Camden to splash in. Ehh...if it blows away it will just end up against the deck railing. Not getting up. 

Kitchen window closed? What if I didn't close it and Alexa gets wet!? How will we set the bedtime timers? How will we find out the weather?! How will we play Eric Church Pandora Radio when I need a mental break?! Oh wait..ya no. It's closed. 

Rugs I cleaned yesterday and laid out on the deck to dry. Well shit. 

Those were out there still. 

I laid there wondering if they had already blown away. I finally decided that they would be too water logged to go anywhere. Then I got pissed that I'm going to have to wash them again. Unless they did blow away...I almost got up.

Then I decided no. I'll just buy a new damn rug for the bathroom because gray was boring anyways. And we don't use the one in front of the toilet anymore because with two little boys...its a really gross idea. So who cares if that one is gone?

Then I realized that no..I can't buy a new one. If we ever want to build a house I can't keep buying shit we don't need like a $14 rug from Target. ....Unless they are on sale next week or on CartWheel. Then it's meant to be. 

I almost got up and then nope. I decided if both of the rugs had been taken in the storm we will just use a towel to step on when we get out of the shower so no one dies. The new rug can come when we redo the bathroom.

I know you're all dying to know by now...both rugs made it through the storm. Yet...as concerned as I was about them last night...

they are still on the deck. 

Never Miss a Monday

I did it. 

I set my alarm and I got up at 5:45 today. 

It is a little easier when you husband comes in to say goodbye and wakes you up at that time but still. I didn't fall back asleep. I tricked myself and took a few minutes to check my phone which usually tells my body its time to get up. Because morning routine and all. 

Thane still called me at 6:15 to get me up to workout..ya I make him do that. It was actually super helpful though because he made me feel guilty for thinking about quitting halfway through. All he said was "Oh ya? Good job! K love you." But I felt guilty...you know how it is.

Was my workout pretty? Oh God no. I will admit I stopped the last round because I was just done.  I was so excited to still have almost an hour to myself to drink coffee and blog that it pulled my head out of the game.  I did make it through 2/3 of the my workout though! That is more than I did last week! 

I didn't do anything last week and I could tell. I felt flubby and crabby. Hence my vodka post. So it was actually good to take a week off and recognize how not working out makes me feel. I didn't like it. 

It was my goal to lose 40 pounds by much next month. 

I have lost 13. 

While that makes me want to cry...a lot. I am also pretty happy with where I have come so far. This is the longest I have "consistently" been active. I use quotes because if I had actually been consistently active I would have lost that 40 pounds. 

This is the longest I have been focused on becoming more fit. I may not do something every day...which is not my goal but it is life...but it is always on my mind.

I had a quick chat with Grandma Boo yesterday. She isn't actually my grandma but my kids love her and she is the most fantastic person you'll ever meet...so if you haven't met her you should. I was telling her how I have been slacking this past week and I can feel it. 

And then something amazing happened. 

The words, "I'm pretty ok with my body right now" *actually* came out of my mouth...and I meant it. I then followed up with "well we will see how I feel once I have to get into a swim suit." Why? Why do we always do that? I brought myself up..and then bam. Mentioned a swimsuit. I then came full circle with "but pssh...who ever feels confident in a swimsuit?"  I'm telling you..talk to Boo and you figure your life out. 

So, I have decided to keep my life on track by attempting to workout twice a day. If I get up early, which is totally reliant on Camden sleeping all night, it will be a lot easier to do. I will work on eating on the 21 day fix every chance I get but I will not miss out on fun things that always seem to involve food. 80/20 baby. 

Cinco de Mayo party? Sure I'll eat tacos and hell yes I'll have one of the best margaritas I've ever tasted. Culvers for ice cream? Pssh...I'll get lemon ice (cause that is better right?) but I'm still going to have a french fry for the mom tax. 

I think I'd rather have my boys see me make healthy choices but not restrict everything I do. I love it when they see me working out and then mimic me a few days later by doing squats or something. Parker sometimes gets bummed out when I told him I already worked out for the day and he isn't able to join me. Jensen usually just tries to climb on my back but I am getting strong enough to do a push up with him hanging on me. I actually did a glute bridge set with him laying on my the other day. 

So anyways. Now that I am frozen because I made myself sit on the deck while typing this to enjoy my coffee (because that is a thing you can do when you wake up waaaaay before your kids do) I think it's time to go make my to-do list for the day.

I think after 9 months of being a stay at home mom I may have figured out how to do it like a boss. Which is why my house looks like hoarders live here. Who has time to clean and finish organization projects when we just had this beautiful weekend?!

Happy Monday friends! Make it great. 

Grandma's Cookies

My husband is the chocolate chip cookie maker of the house. He makes them perfect every time.

Me? Epic fail. Every. Single. Time.

I have tried SO many times. Different recipes. Turning the oven up. Turning it down. Letting them cool on the pan. On a cooling rack. I've given up and just let him wear that hat.

Last night I pretty much wanted to eat everything in the house. Problem with that is that we didn't have any food in the house to actually eat. I somehow managed to convince Thane to whip up a batch and of course they were the best things ever. (In reality I just wanted to eat some cookie dough but didn't want to load up the kids to go to Culvers.) 

I'd like to brag on us for a second and let you know that we made healthy chocolate chip cookies. That's right. Healthy. 

We ran out of regular flour so we had to use wheat flour for at least half of the flour mixture. 

Boom. #healthnuts

My grandma made the most amazing cookies. She was famous for them. She always had some on hand because it seemed that there was always someone at her kitchen table to eat them.

The key to her cookies was that she made them into bars. I'm sure in reality it was just easier because this woman had to make like 2 or 3 batches a week. I can guarantee that everyone who came over had at least one cookie if not two, and then wished they could have 3. Whenever we would go up there it would be surprising if someone wasn't already at the kitchen table with cookie crumbs in front of them.

I remember sitting at their table dipping my cookie in milk or just shoving it in my mouth quickly and trying to sneak another one while the grown ups all dipped theirs in coffee while they talked. Let me tell you the life crushing disappointment the 4 times in my life that Grandma didn't have cookies made. It was pretty much the most rare and saddest time in my childhood. 

 I have always wished I could make cookies like her, which is probably why it has been so annoying for me that my husband is the one who can make cookies and not me. I remember the time I posted my frustration about it on Facebook...I wished I had Grandma's recipe. My sister dropped a bombshell on me right there in the comments section. Grandma's "secret recipe" could be found....

on the side of the Toll House Bag.

Mind. 

Blown. 

So anyways, whenever Thane makes cookies I make sure there will be some left so that I can have one with my coffee in the morning. I can't help but smile and think about Grandma when I dip my cookie. I feel like I've finally grown up. I just wish I could be sitting at her kitchen table.

So this morning I was standing in front of our coffee maker zoning out as I dipped my cookie when I hear Jensen asking for a cookie. Thane told him no and he got mad.

I said, "Bugs, when you help pay the mortgage you can have a cookie for breakfast."

Parker came over to me with hope filled eyes and said..."I have a wallet....."

I should have reminded him that he doesn't have any money in it anymore because he has to help pay the water bill since they left the water running outside for FOUR hours on the snow storm day. But that's another story...

Things I Learned at Workout Class Tonight

1. I can now do jumping jacks without holding my belly. It doesn't hurt anymore. Huge win.

2. I am way too invested in my Netfliks show. I found my mind wandering while I was doing lunge kickback pulses (they sound as awful as they were) and I was genuinely cornered about when Amy and Ty would figure their lives out and get back together. I may need to take a step back from Heartland and watch the Santa Clara Diet. 

3. I am still not able to do more than about 20 seconds planking without it feeling like my c-section scar is going to rip open. Like violently rip open. I discovered there are a few ab workouts that I still can't do 5.5 months post c-section and I am definitely listening to my body. I tried to push through the pain last time it hurt and I regretted it for about a week. So not worth it and the vision of the violent rip was a bit too vivid in my mind. 

4. I really like working out! Tonight however, I was not in the mental state to workout. If my friend had text me 10 minutes sooner than she did saying she wasn't going to class...I probably would have bailed too. I'm glad I didn't but I was a bit of a robot for a while. Just going through the motions and getting sweaty. 

5. I needed class tonight. I left feeling refreshed and ready to face my kids again. (Today was rough. Mix the 2's with said 2 year old getting little sleep at night..it's not pretty.) I needed that hour of me time to come home and be a halfway decent mom again. The best part of the whole class was the last 4 minutes of instrumental music where we got to stretch laying on our mats.

I'm lying. The best part of the class was that I was able to push through almost all of the workout and even add an extra move or 2 to challenge myself without stopping. Almost all of it. All the jumping killed me on round 2. I would not have been able to do that in December. Or even before I got pregnant with Cam. 

Baby steps. I got this. 

Jensen and the Corn Dog

Yesterday was beautiful. A little windy but to 2 little boys it was flip flop weather. (Parker's quote not mine. I swear!)

So bedtime is a little rough in our home right now. Jensen has figured out how to crawl out of his bunk bed the one way that we can't do anything about so they have been falling asleep around 10pm. It's insane. They are SO crabby. But to them..playing is life. Who needs sleep?!!?

Well..they do.

So we decided yesterday that sure they can stay up til 10..but they can only nap an hour during the day.

This decision was really fun for me around lunch time. Jensen has huge bags under his eyes. He's crabby. Parker's attitude, which also happens to be my attitude, is in prime form.

So anyways, they were playing outside like rock stars. Not fighting..a lot. Just happy to be outside and digging in the dirt I need to landscape. Jensen decided he wanted to have lunch and once this kid wants food...game over. Get him food. (He gets that from me.)

So I grabbed some yummy Costco sandwich and get him lunch. He shovels that down and I get him another. While he was eating this...Cam decided to poop.

When Cam poops...you best take care of it. He haaaates having a dirty diaper...and I hate smelling it. He is all man let me tell you. So stinky.

So, against my better judgement, I leave Jensen in the kitchen not buckled in his booster seat to go change Cam. It actually worked in my benefit that Jensen won't stay sitting down because the second I got Cam's diaper open I realized I had approx one wipe in the pack. Jensen happened to be prancing by, I'm serious..he was prancing, the door so I asked him to grab some out of the bathroom.

He handed me the wipes and I warned him that he better get back to his food before ate it. His eyes got wide and he bolted. Insert blood curling rabbit scream.

He appeared in the doorway with crocodile tears and wailing. "Bugs!! Did Bernie eat your sandwich?"

"Uh-huuuuuhhhhhhhhh"

"It's ok..mommy will get you something else when I get done here. Just hold on ok?" 

"Ooooooooooookkkkkkkaaaaaaayyyyyyyy."

I finish up with Cam and head to the kitchen. Jensen says "Mommy look!!!" He holds up the frost covered corn dog, takes a big bite, and breaks out into a huge smile. I burst out laughing, thank him for being independent and take it away to warm it up. Insert blood curling rabbit scream. (He does this a lot and I swear if Camden loses some hearing because of it I'll be so angry. ) He was SO upset that I warmed it up for him. 

Anyways, the whole point about this post is that he is growing up. Bet you didn't see that coming!

It is so hard for me to see that he is growing up and becoming more independent. Some of the things he does makes me just stop and stare at him and realize..no he isn't a baby anymore. He and Parker are inseparable most of the time so P talks for him a lot and does stuff for him so we don't always get to see what he can do.

He has the kindest heart.

 Yesterday he spent some time looking for the perfect leaf on the ground..found two...and offered Parker one. The other day he saw the snack cups from the zoo that we didn't use. He grabbed both of them and ran to give one to P before he dug into his. One day the world was ending for Parker because Jensen had a flashlight that he wanted, so while I tried to calm him down Bugs ran and searched the house for another flashlight.

Situations like that give me hope that we are doing something right. We aren't totally messing up all 3 kids at least.

Getting Up Early

I have always had issues with the morning. I hate it.

My dad used to have to push my mattress off my bed and tip me off of it to get me up for school on time. Maybe I should have Thane start doing that so I get up...

I have a few things I'd like to do in the morning before the kids get up. Like have at least a cup of coffee so I can handle my kids when they get up like the mom I strive to be...not the mom that yells when their kid won't get out of bed until they have gathered all 10 of their stinkies and 3 stuffed dinos just to drop them outside the bathroom door. The boys may or may not have inherited my love of the morning. We all mesh really well with our awesome attitudes right after we get up...and before I've had coffee. 

I'd like to workout to start my day.  This one is the biggest mental game. I want to just get my workout out of the way. Not sure how I will do it wearing my glasses though...I loath working out in my glasses. So there ya go..just one more excuse to not workout. But the longer I wait in my day..the more excuses that pop up. 

I want to start blogging again. I've been thinking about when I would have time to sit down and think through sentences and not feel guilty about just sitting here. Or a time when I would be able to reread what I wrote without breaking up a fight. Ya..that would have to be in the morning too.

So that is a lot to pack in to the morning for someone who hates leaving her bed. At the moment I blame Costco. I just got us all new memory foam pillows...2 for $10 which is an insane price..and I have never slept this good in my life. I made Thane watch TV in bed the other night just so I could lay on it longer. I of course always find the *most* comfortable spot on said pillow about 1 second after the alarm goes off. <insert snooze button x3>

So this morning I had 3 alarms set. I won't even tell you for what time because that is a whole new blog post. Let's just say...its a normal time. A time that I used to have to get up when I was in the working world. Which is why it's so annoying to me that I can't get up now!  Anyways..I snoozed them all. I told myself I'll workout at 9, which now that I'm thinking of it I can't. We are going to the park today because it will be like 65 degrees or something amazing..and we are leaving to be there at 10. Which means prep starts at 9:30...

But! I did get up 22 minutes early to drink my coffee and start this blog. #babysteps

Edit to add...I got my work out tin his morning. I sat Jensen in front of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and put Camden on his favorite mat and went to work. #momoftheyear Do what you gotta do to survive. 

Gym Day and Getting 2 Kids and a Baby There.

I have made it my goal to lose 40 pounds before the pool opens. I even bought the most adorable swimsuit ever. It only came in a Large and after consulting two friends who took forever to answer I just bought the damn thing. I took that as a sign that it was meant to be. 

I was going to get a bikini. Dead set on it.

Then I remembered. I am 33 and have had 3 babies via C-Section. Maybe next summer...

Anyways, I am on week 2 of eating good and working out. I'm not letting myself go more than one day without doing cardio. I figure if I do...I'll fall off the train right into a Dorito bag.

I am using MyFitnessPal as a tracker and I absolutely love it. Add me as a friend!! pamelam2. Hit me up.

Thane has started teaching Code Class. Which means twice a week for 2 months he gets home at like 930. Yes..at night.

My max of being a single parent is about 12 hours. After that..I lose my shit.

So thankfully I still have my gym membership!! On the nights he has class, I pack up the kids right after nap and head into Madison to work out. The process is insane.

First...I need to time it correctly. We have to leave about 5 minutes after I'm done feeding Camden. I have a 3ish hour window between feedings and I don't want to waste a second.

I usually aim to leave between 230 and 3. So before I  feed C I need to pack our bags. I take 3 of them. Yes...3.

1..the gym diaper bag.
2. The main diaper bag for the car
3. My gym bag

I have to pack 2 snacks for the kids. One for the car ride in and one for after I'm done working out. I pack something for me too so I don't straight binge when I get near food at home. 

I mix up my Spark...and 2 bottles with water for Cam and put everything in the car.

Oh don't forget the water bottles for the boys to drink from on the way home...because if you do shit will hit the fan and our evening is shot. 

Also, before nap I have to grab clothes for Camden so that when I change his diaper before we go I Can get him dressed for the day. Because let's be real...if we don't go somewhere he stays in jammies all day. Stay at home life. 

Jensen must be dressed in real clothes before nap time..and socks and shoes in the bathroom ready to go.  Parker too.

So, once all this is done, I go start to wake up Parker (yes start because if he fell asleep is like a 25 minute process to wake him up), I wake up Camden, feed him, burp him, hold him upright so he doesn't puke for a bit, I go wake up Parker again, put Camden somewhere where he isn't laying flat. 

Usually by this time P is kinda up? Maybe sitting up in bed? I get Jensen up. Do the potty. Put on socks and shoe. 

We head to the kitchen. Tell Parker to put on his shoes as I'm getting Cam in the car seat. Once all kids have shoes on we load up.

The key is to make sure the boys don't have too much time to play after nap. If they start building something or rolling something along the kitchen floor...its ridiculous to get out of the house. I have a veeerrrrry tiny time frame here. 

I get all kids in the car. Give the 2 with teeth a snack and pray they don't demand water. I refuse to pack 4 water bottles damnit. 

We get to the gym. 

Parker gets his coat on and grabs the gym diaper bag. I get Camden out and put his carseat on the passenger side seat. Get Jensen out..have him focus on shutting his door while I snag Cam quickly so I can grab Jensen's hand and he doesn't bolt in front of a car. (Yes. This is my life. Every time we go somewhere.)

I navigate the kids through the parking lot..haven't lost one yet!!! Get in, hang up coats and take off shoes. Check them into the Kids Place. Put Cam in a swing. Kiss Jensen goodbye. (He is the only one that cares I'm leaving. Parker bolts.) and RUN downstairs to start my workout. 

If the Kids Place needs you while you workout, like your kid poops or is going crazy, they either page you or text you. The first workout with all 3 there I obsessively checked my phone. I do not want to be that parent that they have to come down and get.  

I rush through my workout hitting all the important things first because I know that at any moment I'll have to go upstairs. And we all know..once my kids see me there is no going back. 

So far so good. I haven't been called back up. It seems every time I get back though Cam  was "just starting to get fussy." By time we get home he is losing his mind screaming. So far I have been timing it perfect.

We now wash our hands with soap before we leave...and I don't let them touch anything. I forgot to mention that before we leave I have to have dinner done so that when we get home we can just eat. While they eat I shower quick. Sometimes if it is too late or I didn't have time to prep we hit the drive through. 

Either way, I guess I'm writing this so in a year I can look back and laugh at the gigantic process it was to get the kids to the gym. It will be worth it though cause I'll be reading it sitting in that swimsuit top. 

Ya I know in a year it will be January again, but I'l be looking so good in it I'll want to wear it all the time. 

First Outing with Three

At this point I don't remember how old Camden was but I still was in some pain and not able to lift his car seat.

So I was beyond anxious to drive. To get out of our house. To be around other adults that weren't trying to diagnose why I was in pain.

So I had this huge plan. Thane gets done with work at 3:30 and he would meet us at Target to help me get the kids out of the car, into the store, and just survive shopping in general.

We roll in at 3:27 and I call him excitedly to see where he was because usually he was early........he hadn't even left his left job yet. He was just finishing up a chat with a co worker...

Livid.

Juuuuuuuuuust livid.

He was at least 10 minutes out and I had 2 hyper kids and a newborn in the car. What the hell was I supposed to do?

I couldn't lift the car seat.

 I couldn't lift Jensen into a cart when we got inside.

I did toy with the idea that maybe there would some sweet stranger standing there that I could ask..but decided against that one. #momoftheyear There is no way I could just hold Jensen's hand in the store. He would run...and I would have to send Parker after him. They would wrestle on the dirty floor...screaming...Jensen would bite Parker...Parker would dramatically scream...I would yell loudly. People would judge.

 I had to figure something out.

So I sat there angry for like a minute and then started to form a plan.

It was super windy and cold. Cause ya know..it's November. It was colder then than it is today. January 12th. But whatever.

So..here we go.

I tell Parker to unbuckle and get his coat on because I will need his help.

I sit in the car putting on the wrap that I will need to wear Camden. I get it on as far as I can without a baby in it...get out...get Camden out and put him in the wrap and pray to god I did it right. I throw a blanket over him and head to Jensen.

I manage to get his coat on while he is sitting in his car seat and then send him to the back of the car with Parker. Where they promptly start laughing, screaming, and jumping around.

I go grab a cart, which we had parked right next to a car corral (perfect planning on accident), open the hatch to the extenda car, put the cart as close as possible to the back of the van and instruct Jensen to climb in the big part of the cart.

I was nervous that once he stepped over the side of the cart that the bottom would be to deep and he would fall and I would obviously reach out quickly to catch him..which would be one of the top 10 most painful things for me to do. Thankfully,  it was perfect. So I held the cart tightly with one hand... Jensen's hand with the other..and prayed I had Camden wrapped right.

Jensen was in the cart, Parker was climbing out of the car to close the door, and then we were running in the store.

Mind you, I had this illusion that Thane would meet us there on time and I would be able to get a Starbucks to enjoy while shopping with my family.

We got in the store and I bravely eyed up the Starbucks line which was about 2 people deep. I decided that after we gathered in the aisle behind the carts and recombobulated I would be brave and stand in line like it wasn't my first time in a store alone with 3 kids.

So we walk past the carts and I bend down to grab 2 baskets to put under the cart so I can actually get groceries; they make those carts so damn small you can only fit a car seat in them and this time...a 2 year old. So that took what? 9 seconds? I look up...no Parker.

The first of many times I mumbled "are you fucking kidding me?" and I say his name..and then I say his name again....and a third time I snap his name.

"HA!!! HAAAA!!!  Mommy I was hiding!!!!"

Ya. That didn't go over well.

I make him come stand by me while I check my work on the wrap, drooling over the thought of Starbucks, stressed to the max because Parker won't stay by me and I have this stupid need for my kids to act perfect in public. (I'm slowly letting that go..don't lecture me)

I look up and Thane is walking in the doors. There is a light shining from him...like the Angels themselves sent him. Pretty sure I heard music. All my anger and anxiety melts away...and then he point to the left and mouths "Bathroom" and is gone.

Cue anger and anxiety.

I stand there staring at the spot he was just standing. I took a deep breath and tell myself I will not take it out on my kids. I will not be an anxiety ridden stressed mom and we start to shop. I got this.

I have Parker helping me pick out cans of soup when Thane reappears. I gladly shove the two children who aren't attached to me at him and tell him to go check out the toys..Parker has money to spend. I'm off to grocery shop.

I got all my groceries and met up with the boys...who were still in the toy aisle. P had approximately $7 to spend and was only looking at the things that pretty much cost $70 and up. He was inspecting every toy veeeeeeeeeeerry closely and taking his sweet time. Mind you a 7lb baby was starting to feel like 70.

Some things he would point to and I would sadly inform him that he would be 6 by time he had enough allowance to buy that. An idea he quickly caught on to.

He stood staring at a giant gorilla Hot Wheels track, practically drooling. "Mommy..I would be like 100 before I could buy this." So matter of factly.

Thane and I laughed because he was right. By time he earned enough money for it he won't care anymore. Maybe when he is 100 he will come across it on EBay...or whatever site it is in 100 years..and buy it because he is being nostalgic.

Then he will play with it for about 5 minutes and move on..just like the 4 year old version of himself would do.

So anyways...we successfully survived our first errand as a family of 5. I got lots of those "been there" smiles from people. Zero judgey looks that I'm aware of..and that makes me happy. Don't judge a mom. You haven't witnessed her entire day..her week...you don't know what is going on.

I'm learning this stay at home mom job is legit hard. I am currently sitting in the playroom on the floor typing because at this level I can only see the floor that is slightly covered in toys. If I turn around I see hoooooooours of things to do like dishes and sweeping.

I'm going to stay unaware for just a few more minutes.