A Gift from the Baby Gods...

is a pacifier.

My god.....what an amazing invention.

Thane and I decided last night to stick to bottle feeding, since the alternative is not going well at all. :/ My goodness, talk about mommy guilt of the year.

I know that many babies are raised on formula, and they are fine, but still. It's so hard to accept that it's not working...and it makes me feel horrible.

So anyways, Parker was having an intense meltdown this morning that started at 2am. My mom has been staying here, so she had him for an hour and a half before I even heard him. I woke up at 3:30 and got up to see if mom wanted help.

She said he had been crying for a while, had eaten a ton, and she was just about to wake me up. So I tried to breast feed him. Which totally tore at me...how in god's name would I make him stop fussing if I stop feeding him like that.

I looked at my mom, and asked her that question. She said...you can try a pacifier?

I thought about it for a minute, and since Thane and I had just decided we were going to bottle feed not 5 hours earlier...I got up and got his pacifier.

I had my mom clean it off quick, and popped it in his mouth......silence.

Holy crap. I'm buying more. I don't want to ever not have one.

Sidenote: I looove how my mom made me think that it was my idea to use the pacifier. I felt all proud of myself as he was sucking away super happy...and then it hit me. My mom totally suggested, but let me make the decision and had me thinking it was my idea. Smart move mom...smart move. :)

My mom has been here since Wednesday, and I have gotten 2 full nights of sleep. I feel human again.

Thank you mom!!!!!!!

Today Parker is officially 2 weeks old!! (or would be 37 weeks if I still had a bump.)

I'm so glad he's here.

Pinteret Find:

You Know You're a New Parent When...

• You're baby projectile vomits on your chin and chest, and you just laugh in shock.
• It's even better when this happens at midnight, and you were trying to let your husband sleep, but now you need him to clean up the baby so you can shower. I passed Parker off to Thane and went to rinse off quick, came back and Thane just looks at me, "He got me too. It's in my boxers."
• So back story: Parker eats every night at 11. No exceptions. It wouldn't matter if he just ate at 10:30....his little body wants food at 11. So last night he woke up at 10:15 screaming...so we fed him. Thane called me back in the bedroom to see what he was doing. He was taking a breather from drinking and Thane had him sitting up, his fingers were intertwined and he looked like Dr. Evil from Austin Powers. We were laughing, but I was like, "Oh Thane...he is thinking sumthin up..somehow he will get his 11pm feeding in." So I take him to rock him to sleep...throw up ensues...whole ordeal ends around 10:40. I just looked at Thane shocked. He had figured out how to make room in his stomach for his 11pm feeding. ;) (Note...he didn't actually eat at 11. nope. 12:30 for the record.)
• The most exciting thing to happen in your day is that your baby's umbilical cord falls off.
• I literally got excited. Now we don't have to worry about folding down his diapers anymore..which is a huge pain when your baby's legs naturally fold up and are totally in your way when trying to change him.
• You check to make sure your baby is breathing...every 5 minutes.
• I sometimes mess with his ear while he is napping...just to make his arm flail or hear him make an annoyed noise. In fact, after his first night I went to check on him before I got ready for my day. He didn't move so I panicked and tried again. I don't remember what I did, but finally he moved. I just laughed at myself and was getting something off the bed when Thane got up. I laughed and said, "Babe, is it normal to check you baby to make sure they are still breathing when you wake up in the morning?" As I say it, I'm turning just in time watch Thane try....and then his entire body spasm and Parker didn't move. So Thane freaked out and moved closer to the bassinet to poke him harder, or do whatever I just did. I instantly touched his back and told him I had just watched Parker move,.he was fine. The biggest sigh of relief came out him. So I am guessing it is normal for parent's to freak out and check. :)
• You sleep with your glasses on your face.
• This may not be true for everyone...but I have slept with my glasses on since January 11th. I am also propped up on pillows every night and can't move, but it is so much easier. If I need to get out of bed quick, I don't have to bother grasping for my glasses. Chances are if I did have to..they would end up on the floor...under his bassinet.

That's all I got right now..I'm sure there will be more later. :)

Pinterest Find:

"No Thanks Mom...I'm More of an Ass Man..."

If you don't want to hear about boobs....stop reading now.

If you have a huge moral issue with breastfeeding...pick a new issue because really? Really?

If you feel that hearing someone talk about breastfeeding is TMI...then do NOT read this post. I have talked about it so many times to so many people I could care less if I share it with the whole FB world.

So because Parker was 5 weeks early, even though I wanted to feed him myself we had to supplement with a bottle to make sure he was getting enough food for his tiny body.

So first off, in my head this take a lot of stress off of me.

It is stressful to know that all your baby is getting the "fake" milk, and it could take days until they get the real goods. And while he waits he is super hungry.

In reality, mixing a bottle and a boob right from the start...noooot a good idea. The baby classes didn't lie.

Because he is so young, they said he will have problems latching on and I will have to be patient and wait for my milk to come in.

His first feeding went great. When I cried out in pain, the nurse smiled all evil like and said, "Oh good! That was easy." Ya, thanks for the false hope. It's anything but easy!

He only likes my boobs when he decides he wants to like them.

When he doesn't like them he lets me know in a few subtle ways. 

1. He screams. Bloody murder. If he could talk I'm pretty sure he'd be saying, "Get that damn thing out of my face!!!! I just want that rubber nipple that isn't any work at all!!!! WAAAAA!!!!"
2. Turns his head away, as if he can't even be bothered to look at my boob, with his mouth hanging open. When he does this, I can't help but laugh. Is he shunning my boob, or is he confused about what he needs to do? He's cute.
3. Punches my boob. Not joking. He balls up his fist and swings. and I swear..sometimes he smiles.

When he thinks, "Hmm...I think I'll make mom feel good about herself." He literally latches on in less than 5 tries and rocks out.

My son is so stubborn, but I love him anyways. ;)

I fully understand that it is not easy for anyone to breastfeed, and in no way am I being all "woe is me," but it is frustrating. SO frustrating. I know that if it doesn't work, it doesn't work and he will be totally fine drinking formula. I am not hugely passionate either way, but I am going to keep trying. I don't like to give up on things.

I just think its funny how he reacts.

I'm sure he will enjoy reading this post when he is 8. Sorry buddy.

Ok, I need a nap.

These Are The Moments...

First day home alone.
 
So far so good!!!
 
We have a play date at noon with Julie and her adooooorable son Ryan. (when I say play date, I mean Julie will hold Parker while Bernie sniffs Ryan. :)
 
I was feeding him this morning while watching the Today show. I had assumed my rocking had made him fall asleep so when I looked down at him, I realized I was totally wrong.
 
He had twisted his head to the side, and was staring right at me.
 
Ohhhhhhh those are the moments ehh?
 
I cried.
 
True story, I know its hard to believe.
 
His eyes are becoming less cloudy, and he was that perfect distance from me...so he was looking at me. Just studying me.
 
I put him in his swing today. Yaaa me!! (Of course I put blankets under his butt so the angle wasn't much.) He started to fuss and I went over to discover his hat had fallen over his eyes and he couldn't feel the sunshine on his eyes. I moved his hat...and he was good.

I laughed...annnd then teared up.

Thane is so perplexed why I cry all the time. I think its just the Baby Blues and hormones, and as my cousin Linds said, "I just love him so much." It's overwhelming.

K...I have things I have to do while he is sleeping.

First "F" on a Test...

So the next couple of posts are going to be about our time in the hospital. I know I have said it before, but I plan to make a book out of these blogs. I have attempted to write in a journal for Parker, but in the end...I like blogging a lot better. So if your wondering, "why the hell did she write about something so insignificant??" It's cause it was part of our experience and I don't want to forget it.

Sorry for the swear words Parker...don't repeat them.

So, as you already know, our baby burrito came at 35 weeks. On the dot.

If my water had broke 12 hours sooner, there is no doubt he would have been in the NICU. We were told that there was a 50/50 chance that he would be in the NICU or stay with us. It really depended on his vitals when they tore him from my body.

So we got the lucky end of that, and he got to stay with us. Thank god.

He passed his hearing test, with flying colors. I think? I have no idea how they even do that test. Thane was holding him and I was in a sleep/awake coma. All I remember is that I was praying, in my own way, that he passed.

The next test he had was a "car seat" test. Our nurse came and took him to the nursery for a 90 minute test to see if he could use a car seat, or if he would have to use a special car bed from the NICU.

So they wheeled him away, and we settled down for 90 minutes of uninterrupted sleep.

He was back in 15 minutes.

 He failed the test.

Apparently the tests sole purpose is to see is a premature baby is able to breath while in their car seat. Parker's neck is not strong enough to hold his head up even a little bit so he can breath. His oxygen levels were not where they were supposed to be, so they stopped the test.

My response? "Aww man Parker! You're failing tests already!? This is not setting yourself up for a lifetime of learning." ;) Ya, that's the teacher in me.

I am so thankful they do a car seat test. What a horrible surprise if they didn't do it. Oiy. So scary to even think about.

My favorite part of the test was our stupid pediatrician's response to it. (Stupid? you say..ya its a whole different post.)

Her response, "Ya, its so great that they do the test here at Meriter. I have never even heard of it until I got here. In Fort Atkinson they don't do car seat tests, so I'm not sure if it's ok for your baby to use his swing." Really?? Really?? Our nurse, who was also dumb, was the one to say that the swing should be ok because a lot of them have a recline feature. Ugh.

Speaking of a swing, we have an amazing one that Thane's sisters and aunt all went in on. It plays 5 different songs, has a mobile, a puppy ear pillow. Its great. We asked our real pediatrician if it was ok to use even if he failed the car seat test, and he gave us the ok. so we came home and decided to put him in it while we put laundry away.

Ya, he stayed in it for maaaaybe 5 minutes before I had an anxiety attack about it and took him out. I think we will wait a little bit longer so I know he is safe and his neck is ok. :)

So while I am thankful for the car seat test and the car bed, it makes taking Parker anywhere an ordeal.

He had trouble regulating his temperature, due to him being premature. Nothing too serious, but trust me...that post is coming too. So because the bed is buckled into my car already we have to take him out to it and put him in the bed in the garage...not in the warmth of our home. Same deal when we are going in or out of a building.

We have to carry him every where, and if we are outside I have him wrapped in a blanket, while I throw another one over his head. Of course we had to go out today, the coldest day so far this winter.

Here is a picture of the car bed. It's pretty cool.

Pinterest Find:

Dictionary necklaces...find a word that describes the recipient & frame it..

What a cool gift!

Here He Comes! Ready or Not! Part 4.

 So we left off with me panicking because I was pretty positive they forgot about Thane...

Thankfully, my friend with the good drugs musta realized it because he was all like, "We can bring in dad now...." all like, um guys?

So they went and got my baby daddy and I could relax a bit. My friend with the drugs told Thane he could look anytime he wanted to....gross. He didn't.

I felt absolutely nothing during the entire process. Just a few tugs. The noises though? Oh the noises. Were horrible. The saw....that was the worst. and the sucking. *shudder*

I don't think I have ever held Thane's hand so tightly. Literally for dear life. I just needed Parker out..and safe. I needed to see him and know he was ok. Considering all I have worried about the entire pregnancy is that he will be totally ok (all fingers n toes etc)...I had to see him.

I will never forget the anesthesiologist talking us through it. "Ok, now you're going to feel pressure by your ribs. That is them pushing him down so they can get him out." Barely felt it. Thank god...it sounded horrible.

Then it was, "OH!!! Here comes his butt!" yes, he was *that* excited...and yes he came out butt first. His butt was in my pelvis.

Then.....I heard him cry. So amazing. Soooooo life changing. 

At this point they took him to the warming station, and Thane got to go over. 

Another nurse came in to tell the anesthesiologist that he was needed in another room. He got super annoyed with her and pretty much said, "I'm busy..I'll be there when this is over." The nurse kinda stood there for a minute, and went..."ok.....I'll go prep it myself?" He then said, "Sounds good!" and turned away from her. If I could remember that man's name, I'd send him a thank you card.

So Thane was gone forever, and they started to stitch me up. No one was telling me anything about Parker except that he was healthy. So finally I was like, "Um...he's a boy right?'

Everyone stopped what they were doing, I hope, and busted up. A nurse came around the curtain and laughing told me that he was a boy. To which I said, "Thank god...we don't have a girl's name."

Finally my friend with the drugs whispered, "Here he comes." and my heart stopped. (figuratively not literally..that'd be a WHOLE nother blog post...)

Then Thane came back with him, his eyes totally wide and a big ole grin on his face. He moved so I could see our baby for the first time and he literally took my breath away.

 He was perfect. Totally perfect. Adorable. Mine. I cried....sooo much crying in such little time. :) 

They finally were done stitching up my layers, rolled me onto a different bed, and off we were to recovery. I asked what time it was, and it was like 8:30. Totally pumped, because then I could watch The View. The nurses thought that was funny too. 

We got to recovery, I'm gettin drugs and I look down to the foot of my bed and see my husband.

Head down, gigantic grin on his face, phone in hand, fingers flying. He was texting "everyone in his phone."

I love this man so much.

My favorite part of this room..the drugs button. God it was good.

 

Then, after almost 2 hours and missing The View, we were off to our room.

 

Room 592.

 

The room where Parker met all the important people in his life for the first time.

 

I don't even have a word for the support and love that we got from everyone. It is beyond spectacular...is there a word for that?

 

My friends are some of the most amazing people ever, and Parker is SO luck to have them as aunties. It's so awesome to see all of them with my little burrito. If you could ooze love...he'd have that goo all over him.

 

My family...he couldn't have been born into a more amazing group. They are all so excited about him. I can't wait for Easter so my cousins can meet him. :)

 

So that is pretty much it! Hope you enjoyed. It went a LOT smoother than I thought it would, that's for sure!! 

 

Pinterest Find:

Here He Comes! Ready or Not! Part 3

So what I have forgotten to mention is that apparently its super rare for your water to break. I actually go to see my doctor on the last day we were there and I asked her about it. 

Ya, 3% of women's water actually breaks unexpectedly. Thank god mine did.and Thank god I knew he was breech. This whole story could have been a lot different if I hadn't just started my weekly appointments.

We get into the triage room and the first thing the nurse did was grab an ultrasound machine, to see if he had turned yet. Nope. Not at all. Of course not, he's my son. Stubborn.

I also forgot to mention that he was Franklin Breech. Ya. His legs were up by his head..like this:

Soooo ya. There was no way I wasn't having a C-Section. Even if they had offered to try and turn him...I would have said, "Keep your hands to yourself...they are NOT pushing on him and/or going in my va-ja-ja." Thanks but no.

I was hooked up to an IV. I HATE needles. HATE them. I couldn't watch...and of course the first didn't take, so she had to do my other arm. THEN they had to draw a LOT of blood. a lot. Queeesey.

They hooked up the heart rate monitor and told me I was for sure having a C-Section. Someone was literally pushing her child out as we were speaking, and there were other women waiting to be sliced open as well. Since I wasn't having contractions, and he wasn't in distress, I was not a main priority. Which was fine with me! All I asked is that they give me a heads up when they know the time frame bc otherwise I would freak out if they sprung it on me.

They left us alone then, and I texted a few of his aunties saying, "Um...I'm having my kid today." or something to that effect. Apparently they all thought I was messing with them, until they realized what time of day it was..silly girls, I wouldn't mess with you like that. Besides, I had started to panic...no time for jokes.

They came in and told me I'd be having Parker in 3o minutes. Which in reality was like 15. They came back in, had Thane grab our stuff and we walked to the OR.

Yes. I had to WALK. Without underwear. Still had enough sense/modesty to worry that I was going to leak pregnancy goo everywhere. I had to walk..that was the worst part.

We got back to the recovery room, and that is where I had to leave Thane. That was horrible. I was so scared...I really needed him with me. But I understand why he couldn't come.

One plus...at this point it was 7 am and it was shift change. Bad- I got an old nurse who I don't feel was totally away yet. Good- I got a new drug guy.,,and I liked him WAY better than the one who had talked to me in the triage room. The new guy didn't have chest hair curling out of his scrubs and didn't crack stupid jokes and then laugh at them. It's like he was posting "funny" status updates and then liking it himself.

Soo we walk back to the OR and my new 80 yr old nurse leads me over to a station so she can scrub up and get a mask. It took her 3 minutes to pick a mask. Then the anesthesiologist came over and was like, "Ok! This room? and started to open the doors to OR 2." The nurse was like, "oh..I don't know. I don't think so?"

Ya...I may have panicked a little bit? Looking back, they had literally just been thrown onto my surgery..so I'm guessing that little tidbit was overlooked by other important info, but still.

We walked into OR 1 and I freaked out. I have never had surgery before. Ever. The room looked like an alien probing room on the X-Files. I really wanted Thane.

They had me get up on the bed, and the anesthesiologist began his deal, and I began to sob.

I was so scared. I know I sound like a total baby...but I was so nervous. The nurses though, my god they were great. I literally began crying and they came out of the woodwork to talk to me. I think we talked about my job, which since it's with kids everyone had a lot to say. They asked me about the baby. They totally got me through it. I will forever be grateful for that. They were so sweet.

Sooo I stop crying for a bit, my body is going numb, they have to lay me down. Oiy. All I can think is, man..I weighed a lot before he started growing, and now I weigh 31 more pounds....I hope they don't drop me. Of course they didn't, but it wasn't fun.

So now I'm laying down, and they start doing things. Most importantly...they put up the big blue curtain so I can't see. Thank god. Of course, tears start again. But this time the anesthesiologist stepped up. He explained his job, but then kept talking to me about the most random things about my life...totally distracting. Once again...thank you Mr. anesthesiologist. You were my favorite person in that room. For so many reasons.

So anyways, things are moving along. They are about ready to start. Thane still isn't in the room. I'm pretty sure they forgot about him.

Oiy.....soooooooooooooo long!!!

Stay tuned for Part FOUR! 

Pinterest Find: