Anxiety...

I had to let the "I'm in Charge at Night" reins go to Thane this weekend.

He was in charge Friday night, because I was going to have a long day on Saturday. 

Dream: Sleeping in my own bed..all night! I knew that I'd wake up when Parker cried, but then Thane would get up with him..close the door..and I would be sound asleep again.

Reality: I slept like shit. Literally the worst night of sleep ever. 

To start the night- we moved the bassinet from my side of the bed to a more central location in the room so Thane could get to it easier. Wow- I only checked on him 18 times before I was convinced he was ok and I could lay down without worrying. 

Seriously? How am I going to be when he moves to his crib!?

Apparently my body has adjusted to staying awake until at least midnight, so for his 11pm feeding...I was still wide awake. So I got up too...and threw away the diapers that I had been meaning to take out for a day or two. 

I stayed up long enough to laugh at Thane for having to change a super poopey diaper..and then I tried to go to sleep. 

I finally fell asleep around midnight, and then proceeded to wake up on and off again the entire night. 

In no way did I think Thane couldn't do it...he just does it different than me. Maybe I'm a control freak who is way more attached to her child than she realized until this weekend. 

Big deal. 

I got up with him at 3 to feed him and looked over at the TV tray that is next to our recliner and saw Oreos and an empty glass. Really? I asked Thane about it and he told me that he got hungry watching Parker eat..so he needed a snack too. Oiy.

I passed the baby duty off at 4:30 when I woke up in the chair, and headed back to bed. I woke up again around 5 to Thane coming back in the room and going straight to the bathroom...with no baby?

Well my anxiety kicked in. Where was Parker? There is no way Thane left him laying in the living room somewhere while Bernie was chillin out there too? I could only picture my baby laying on the couch and Bernie sprawled out next to him. 

My anxiety was equally matched with my need to show Thane that I was fine with not being in charge. I didn't want to be checking up on him because I knew in my rational side of my brain that Parker was fine. If he was in the living room, obviously he'd be in his swing. 

Well...anxiety won. 

I grabbed my glasses and slid out of bed as quietly as possible. Just as I reached the door....Parker made a noise in his bassinet. Lord knows why I wouldn't have just checked there first?

Thane came to bed and I asked what he was doing and he informed me that he had put Parker back in his bed, and then went back out to finish a movie he was watching.

Really babe? It's like 5am and you are staying up to watch a movie??

6:30 finally came and I could get up to get ready for my day...Thane's first day all alone with Parker.

I will say, I am proud of myself. I only had slight anxiety once...and I really enjoyed my day alone. And bonus: When I came home...my baby was still alive and happy ;)