If You Wanna Make God Laugh..

I'm sure you've all heard that saying, "If you want to make God laugh, make a plan." or something like that.

Ya....no. My new saying is, "If you want to give a baby a challenge, plan to be somewhere by a certain time."

We have been doing really good with being places on time. It usually takes me like 2 hrs to get everything ready. Not a solid 2 hours, but a gradual 2 hours. It's crazy.

I planned to leave my house right after his 11:30 feeding today to go home to my mom's. HA!

I fed him, went to finish getting him dressed, put him in his car seat, we were doing awesome on time, and then exorcist showed up.

If they were making a new movie...Parker could be in it. That's how good this was.

I have never seen a baby throw up so far and so much in my entire life.

It was the scariest thing ever.

It even came out of his nose. It had to have been everything he just ate. My poor guy. :( It was horrible. I snatched him out of his car seat and put him on his belly on a blanket in case he had to throw up more. Oiy.

So lesson learned. If I want to be somewhere by a certain time..I can't let Parker know. He will think up a way to make us late.

Well played buddy...you win this time.

You Have to Interact Today People...

I just saw an ad on Facebook for a pregnancy test and they were asking:

"What did you do when your test was positive?"

So comment either on this blog, or on Facebook...I bet there are some good responses. :)

My response: I just stared at it blankly...and threw it away. I figured it was a faulty test...and then went to work and told Molly and began to freak out.

K...your turn. How'd you react?

Disclaimer: no judging happens due to this blog. I promise. :)

 

Ok...besides the last frame, which makes me mad, this is pretty funny. :)

Glitter and Batteries...

I had my first night out last night....it was fantastic.

Even better? The mom anxiety only kicked in for about 20 minutes...and then I was good. :)

Parker spent the evening with the guys of the group at the Sandrock Saloon. Yes...he was at a bar. A bar that boasts it's "home like" atmopshere and even has a living room. :)  (ok, if you don't know its our friend's house..not an actual bar. Stop judging.) So he had his first guy's night...he said it went well.

My girl's night started out with glitter and batteries. Yes...a Pure Romance party. It was such a good time...I'm surprised my nonexistent abs don't hurt from laughing so hard. If you are interested check out her FB page, Pure Romance. I went to school with Katey, like 1st grade til graduated, you should have a party with her...she's pretty cool. :)

Mind you, I didn't buy anything. I'm married...you don't have sex when you're married. Ok..you got me. Once. We did once. Obviously. (too much? Sorry Parker...)

We then went to Le Cork, a cozy little bar (a real bar) in MH, I love this place. It is super cheap because it is attached to the owners liquor store. If they don't have what you want at the bar, they literally go next door and grab it for you. That's service.

What sucks? The length of time it takes to get a martini. Oiy.

I am pretty proud of myself. I feel that I had a few beers, and I don't even have a hangover. Wiiiin!!!

All in all, I had a fantastic night. It was great to get out of the house and spend time with my girlfriends.

Here is a recap of Parker's night:
Went to the Sandrock.
Learned some interesting things from Uncle Bob.
Tried his hand at running the Sandrock, but fell asleep instead.
After a long night, he passed out on Uncle Doug for a while, til dad "stole" him back and went home.

All in all....great night.

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5 weeks ago today..

Today is Parker's Due date....and he is 5 weeks old.

Parker was supposed to be born today.

This kid had other plans.

When you think of it that way, it is totally insane.

It's hard to believe that 5 weeks ago right now, I was sitting in my hospital room, holding my 8ish hour old baby, waiting on all our friends and family to swing by to meet the newest member of our family.

5 weeks ago today, before 4:30am, I thought I had 5 more weeks before I officially became a mom.

5 weeks ago today, before 4:30am, I thought I had 5 more weeks of sleeping. Although, while 4 weeks ago I missed sleep, now on week 5...I am used to sleep deprivation. I pretty much have changing a diaper, making a bottle, and feeding a baby while being juuuuust awake enough to function down to a science. Like I said in a previous status update, I am enjoying our 3am jam sessions.

He opens his eyes a lot during these feedings. He has great eyes, and he usually only shows them to his dad and me. :)

5 weeks ago today, before 4:30am, I thought I would be spending today continuing my prayers that my water wouldn't break at work, I wouldn't poop on the delivery table, and that my baby would be as healthy as healthy can be.

5 weeks ago today, before 4:30am, I was getting beyond anxious to meet Parker. I wanted him here so I could check him over and make sure he was ok. That may have been the scariest part of the whole last trimester. He was real...so real and so close to being here, and who knows how I accidentally messed him up? What if that hot dog I ate during week 28 wasn't warm enough and we are the 1 in a lighting strike chance? (There are SO many food things to worry about!) I needed him here so I could make sure I didn't screw up, I needed to know he was ok. Guess he got sick of my anxiety?

5 weeks ago today, at 4:30am, my world changed- in the best way possible.

How are we spending this important day?

Watching Weeds on Netflicks and cuddling because obviously he realizes what today is and wants to be with me the entire time!

I'm ok with that. :)

Happy Due Date buddy. Love you.

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Anxiety...

I had to let the "I'm in Charge at Night" reins go to Thane this weekend.

He was in charge Friday night, because I was going to have a long day on Saturday. 

Dream: Sleeping in my own bed..all night! I knew that I'd wake up when Parker cried, but then Thane would get up with him..close the door..and I would be sound asleep again.

Reality: I slept like shit. Literally the worst night of sleep ever. 

To start the night- we moved the bassinet from my side of the bed to a more central location in the room so Thane could get to it easier. Wow- I only checked on him 18 times before I was convinced he was ok and I could lay down without worrying. 

Seriously? How am I going to be when he moves to his crib!?

Apparently my body has adjusted to staying awake until at least midnight, so for his 11pm feeding...I was still wide awake. So I got up too...and threw away the diapers that I had been meaning to take out for a day or two. 

I stayed up long enough to laugh at Thane for having to change a super poopey diaper..and then I tried to go to sleep. 

I finally fell asleep around midnight, and then proceeded to wake up on and off again the entire night. 

In no way did I think Thane couldn't do it...he just does it different than me. Maybe I'm a control freak who is way more attached to her child than she realized until this weekend. 

Big deal. 

I got up with him at 3 to feed him and looked over at the TV tray that is next to our recliner and saw Oreos and an empty glass. Really? I asked Thane about it and he told me that he got hungry watching Parker eat..so he needed a snack too. Oiy.

I passed the baby duty off at 4:30 when I woke up in the chair, and headed back to bed. I woke up again around 5 to Thane coming back in the room and going straight to the bathroom...with no baby?

Well my anxiety kicked in. Where was Parker? There is no way Thane left him laying in the living room somewhere while Bernie was chillin out there too? I could only picture my baby laying on the couch and Bernie sprawled out next to him. 

My anxiety was equally matched with my need to show Thane that I was fine with not being in charge. I didn't want to be checking up on him because I knew in my rational side of my brain that Parker was fine. If he was in the living room, obviously he'd be in his swing. 

Well...anxiety won. 

I grabbed my glasses and slid out of bed as quietly as possible. Just as I reached the door....Parker made a noise in his bassinet. Lord knows why I wouldn't have just checked there first?

Thane came to bed and I asked what he was doing and he informed me that he had put Parker back in his bed, and then went back out to finish a movie he was watching.

Really babe? It's like 5am and you are staying up to watch a movie??

6:30 finally came and I could get up to get ready for my day...Thane's first day all alone with Parker.

I will say, I am proud of myself. I only had slight anxiety once...and I really enjoyed my day alone. And bonus: When I came home...my baby was still alive and happy ;)

Amazing

The things Parker does literally amaze me.

This kid is such a miracle...I can't believe he is a part of me and Thane. How overwhelmingly cool. He is super cool.

He already has perfect timing.

For what you ask?

Well...to make me stop whatever I was juuuuuuuuuuuuuust about to do.

Example: The other day I realized he was sleeping-I could shower. So I looked at him quick- still breathing and sound asleep- good to go! I throw on the monitors and run to the shower. I briefly contemplate just skipping my hair, but then decided naw...taking a real shower. I laugh to myself at the thought of how he would probably wake up and cry while I had soap in my hair. Ha..soooo funny...til it happens.

I just got my hair all soaped up and he starts to fuss. Ok- what to do? Rinse hair quick and then run out...or just run out, get him to stop fussing, and then finish my hair. I rinsed out my hair quick, turned off the water, and he stopped. I waited a second, and slowly turned the water back on. Crying started. Turned the water off...crying stopped. I'm not joking.

So at this point, I feel that my child is just messin with me and I quickly finish my shower...which of course he cries through and stresses me out. I finally run out to him, feeling horrible, and just as I get to him.....he's done crying. Done. Really Parker?? Really?

Example 2 for perfect timing: I spend over an hour rocking with him in the chair...he's gotta be asleep. Right? So I creep to the bedroom and one of two scenarios happen.

• Scenario 1: I get within a foot of his bassinet and his eyes literally fly open and either starts to cry, or just looks at me all like, "Heeeeeeeey mom!!!! Nice try. Hee hee...I'm cute." 
• Scenario 2: I get all the way to his bassinet, slowly put him in it, stand there for a minute to see if he is going to cry, when he doesn't I crawl into bed quietly and super slow so he doesn't hear me, push Bernie off my covers and get comfy. Just as I get comfy and close my eyes, Parker starts talking. "Mom. Mom. Mom. Mooooooooooooooom." When I lean over....he just looks at me and says, "Hi." Just like Stewie. I swear. 

Another reason he is super cool already: Today I had him on his side while trying to burp him, and he lifted his leg....and farted. 

It happened. 

His dad was so proud.  

Based on these examples and so many more....me and this kid are going to get along just fine. He is already acting like his mom. :)

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Ha!!!

I Just Need a Minute..

At this moment I should be playing with Parker-he is actually awake-while petting Bernie so he doesn't feel like I hate him-due to the cone of shame- but my God...I need a minute.

I have been holding Parker for almost 10 hours straight. Mind you...I love holding my baby...but I also like to sleep normally and do things with my hands while awake. 10 hours is a little long.

He has been doing amazing at sleeping in his bassinet..2 nights in a ROW! annnnd now we are back to the chair. Whatever, at this point, I am over the "He has to sleep in it!!" and now I'm on to "I just need to sleep!!!" I don't really mind having to sit in the chair with him either, I kinda like our snuggle time. I will say, I wish it wasn't every night, but you take what you can get right? :)

So Bernie, ohhh Bernie. He scratched open his stitches AGAIN. He was SO close to being healed, and then 30 seconds of me not focusing...and BOOM. Open.

Our amazing vet came over, yes to my house because it is "easier for her to travel than it is for me to" (have I mentioned I love her?) and she is thinking that he is so close to healing that we don't need to restitch. He will have a sweet scar- but come one. Scars are badass. and considering he already has a sweet one from being shot...who cares?

So now, he is wearing a Cone of Shame. He hasn't worn one since he was a puppy and got fixed. He hates it and is walking around all pathetic and "feel bad for me." He kept getting stuck on the coffee table this morning while trying to get on the couch, so I finally got up to help him. Talk about sad. He has also taken to just standing in the middle of the room with his head down. Just standing there. Head down. Zero tail wag. Ohhhhh my poor puppy. :(

When I finally woke up for the day, I took it off him because I could keep an eye on him..and he proceeded to scratch it twice, while I was tyring to make my breakfast, while Parker was screaming for a bottle. Talk about overwhelming.

I dropped my knife, ran to get Bernie's cone, while yelling "Parker! I'll be right there baby! The bottle is already made."

Best part, I have no idea how to put the damn cone on..so I kinda figured it out? Bernie is currently pouting, successfully making me feel horrible.

Parker is now sleeping in his swing- missed that chance.

I feel better. I still need more coffee and another half of a bagel..but I feel better.

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This just made my day better: Sucks to be these people..

Paybacks

Ohh Parker baby-

You were awake all night last night. Screaming about 45% of the time. Mommy cried a few times, especially when I had to wake up your dad because your bottle dryer rack somehow magically fell on the floor all on its own.

This is besides the point. If I have to be up for hours at night, sitting in the recliner, I would not want it to be with anyone else but you.

Even when you are screaming, I love you.

Sometimes I just have to laugh at you, because when you get really worked up...you look like an old man. ;)

Onto paybacks.

While I love you more than anything....I will get you back for these sleepless nights.

Don't worry, it won't be until you are in high school.

Last night as you were screaming, I smiled because I may have been plotting.

At random times in your high school career, especially if you have a girlfriend, I will come into your room, throw on your light, and scream.

I will scream until you get up and make me a snack.

Then I will make you read me a chapter from your history book, or if you are struggling in any area in school it will be from that book. (except math....god I hate math.)

If I ever catch you making out with your girlfriend, I will do this in hyper drive. And I may call her parents and have them do it to her.

But until then, I will hold you while you cry (and I may cry a bit), I will sing to you while you cry, I will pat your back and your butt at the same time while you cry...but I'll love you no less.

You're my favorite Parker Burrito. (Don't tell your dad....or Bernie.)

Love-
Mom

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