Everybody Poops

So my day sucked. Big time. Talk about anxiety. Ugh.

It's my early day on Wednesdays, so I was looking forward to coming home to hang out with Parker.

Why wasn't I looking forward to hanging out with Thane? He's gone all night :( I probably won't see him until at least June of 2015. He's got a lot on his plate and I totally appreciate all the hard work he is putting into our dreams coming true. :)

Moving on. P and I had dinner together and I was beyond anxious to go somewhere. I couldn't sit inside for the next 3 hours. I had to do something besides pack! I decided we would walk to the park. 

Walking with a 1 year old to the park is an experience in itself. I took the stroller because I knew he wouldn't walk back..and 30 lbs is a lot to carry uphill for 3 blocks. We stopped to look and dandelions, play with a for sale sign, look at car rims, walk up random people's driveways. I love my kid. At one point during our walk, I'm running up a driveway to stop him from pulling someones plant from a planter...and then the stroller rolls into the road. 

I bet I could have given someone a heart attack. I panicked. because well...those things are expensive! 

We finally make it to the park and it's packed. I didn't want to go because there were so many people there but I looked at P who looked SO excited, he looked back at me and said, "YA!" I realized I can't hold him back just because I didn't want to hang out with 10 of my neighbors kids. So I sucked it up and he had an awesome time. :) 

As we were playing I noticed how much of a hot mess my child was. Chocolate frosting on his shirt, little bits of ketchup still on his face, chocolate on his neck. Can you say mom of the year?

Yup...leaving for a bath. 

Fast forward to bath time. P is standing in the tub scream talking at me. Nothing new here. Then he squats down and keeps playing. I look at him joking...."Parker Pants are you pooping?"

"Blah blah!!"

I just laughed and handed him a toy....he reached for it and then stopped mid-air. 

Shit.

Literally. All of a sudden I look and there are rabbit turds....everywhere. 

Come on kid! 

I try to get him out and he is about to grab a nugget. Luckily I'm faster. 

So now, I have a naked kid prancing around my bathroom, gabbing happily, and all I can picture is him peeing on the cabinets. The cabinets hat are only ours for like 3 more weeks. He is too busy playing with absolutely everything in the drawer to have time to stop and pee so I am quickly trying to clean the tub.

He then runs to the kitchen. Then back in the bathroom. I quickly look on the kitchen floor...no poop. Thank god. I reach for him and he books it back into the kitchen....

and steps in poop. 

Of course.

Tonight....being a single mom really sucked. 

On a brighter note. My butt fit down the slide tonight.

Walls are Bare

We are moving!!!!!

Well...pending the closing. As long as this lady's house sale also goes though...we are moving!!!!!!

We started to pack the day we got the first offer. I was worried it would jinx things, but apparently it didn't.

We are moving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I still can't believe it. We close June 18th. Exactly 3 days before the 1 year mark of our house being on the market. Thank God. 

We don't have much time to pack, but it's enough. So we are taking it night by night. 

Last night: I have no idea what we packed.

Tonight's Goal: get everything off the walls, patch the holes, and pack them up. 

Speaking of pack them up. I went to Office Depot today to buy bubble wrap. They happened to be having a sale, buy 2 get one free. So I got 3....of the biggest rolls of bubble wrap I have ever seen. 

I lug them up the cashier who looks over her counter at me coming and says, "Got bubble wrap?"

Ha! I liked her. 

I told her I felt like an idiot...it was SO much wrap. Then I said...but you gotta have it.

She looked confused and asked what I needed it for. What else do you use bubble wrap for? Wrapping shit up to move it or store it. I joked that I was going to let my kid play with it...she thought I was serious. 

Sigh..people don't get me. Besides that though...she was pretty funny. I give her an A. 

So anyways. We started to pull things off the walls and wrap them up. And we got to our wedding/Parker's picture collage. 

I love that thing. So much. Emily Milligan did an amazing job taking our wedding pictures. Heather Tyler did an amazing job with P's 1 year pictures. Thane did a great job hanging them all up. I hated to take it down!

I was almost crying taking it down. Don't get me wrong, I know it's going back up...but not for like a year! A YEAR! That's a long time. 

Selling your house is pretty emotional apparently. We have done so much here. Partied. Cried. Drank. Laughed. Celebrated Halloween. Never used our deck to eat on. 

 It's the place where we became a family. 

The place where I walked into my son's bedroom the first night and Thane said., "Careful, he can smell fear."

The place where Parker threw up all over the wall. The joys of acid reflux.

The place where all my girls came and hung out on the couch on a Saturday night because I had some kinda cabin fever a week after P was born. 

I'm so thankful for all the memories we have made in this place and while I can't wait to start the new chapter in our life....it's a little harder to leave this chapter than I thought it would be. 

But we must move on!! and I can't wait. :)

We are moving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a F'in Morning.

Yes...it was that good. 

I started at 6:40 with an alarm clock. (Cue 100+ pound dog flying off the bed.) I flung myself over to shut it off so I wouldn't wake Thane up, but some some reason I couldn't shut it off. 

Ya. It wasn't mine. Thane has to work this morning and he was sleeping through the beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeping.  

6:41- alarm is finally shut off.

6:42. Whimpering dog. 

Bernie doesn't whimper when he has to pee. He just sits there and puts his paw on Thane. Repeatedly. Its hard to ignore a 100 pound dog hitting you with his paw. This morning though...whimpering. Whimpering = I'm about to pee on your floor. 

Thane was also sleeping through this...so I got up to let him out. 

What's this dog do? Poop juuuuuust over the land line in our neighbor's yard. The neighbor who hates us because our dog poops in his yard. I can't go clean it up though..because who wears pants to let their dog out at 6:42 in the morning?

I went back to bed. I wake up at 7:30. No Parker crying....check the monitor to make sure its on. It is. Win. Fall back asleep.

8:30 I wake up again. Check the time. Freak out. 

I ran to check to make sure my son was still breathing. He NEVER sleeps til 8:30. He has to be not breathing. (Ya...apparently that fear never goes away.) Nope. I throw open his door and he is just sitting there...chewing on his blankie....smiling. 

Oiy. I realize I feel like shit. Parker let me sleep til 8:30....I don't even know the last time that happened. 

Anyways, I had to go into Madison today to mail some stuff, and I was going to work out. The plan was to leave by 9:30. Weird how I talked myself out of that. I decided at 9 that we were going to go in. 

So....make breakfast...get Parker dressed...get myself dressed..Bernie proof. Go. Easy right? (ya..you read that blog post)

Fast forward. I got Parker all dressed and we went in to get myself somewhat presentable. It's just the UPS store....its kinda like Wal-Mart right? As I'm putting on my make-up I hear the famous "poop grunts." Of course. 

Finish up myself and go clean up P. Then I remember that Bernie pooped in the neighbor's yard. Its a nice day and he is *obsessed* with mowing his yard. So I take all the kids outside to pick up. 

I let Parker walk down the sidewalk that is right next to our house, the one that leads to the door, while I run to the spot where Bernie did his business. One eye on Parker, one eye on my task. 

Then I put 2 eyes on P because he has decided he wants to walk down the driveway towards the road....and my now blind fingers find the only gigantic hole in the bag. Cue sticking my fingers in dog shit. Then I try scramble to pick up the fallen out poop and get shit all over my other hand. 

P is gathering speed. 

I drop the bags and run in front of him..with plenty of time to spare might I add before you think I'm a bad mom. Now..how to pick up your child, who is all ready to go for the day, when you have poo on both hands? Well you scoop him up with the inside of your elbows of course.

I scoop him up...and look over....Bernie is pooping. Again. In the neighbor's yard. Again. 

I waddle inside. In case you didn't know....you waddle when you are hunched over (just in case you drop your child) while holding a 30 lb kid with your inner elbows. Thankfully I didn't close the door on the way out, and get into the kitchen. Put P down....put a load of soap on my hands....and kid is back out the door. 

Sigh. Finish washing my hands....turn the corner to go outside...can't see P. I of course panic, but then realize he was just in a weird blind spot, right next to the front door. I grab a new bag and devise a new plan. 

I guide Parker into the grass with me. If he is by me, he can't go near the road. right? So I bend over to pick up the new poop...he toddles towards the sidewalk to the road. He was two steps from me, so no need to run this time. I look at the sidewalk and think "huh..the grass didn't seem wet."

Nope. Parker had just stepped in the dog poop that had fallen out of the gigantic bag from a few minutes ago. I pick him up to inspect and take off the shoe..and the shoe almost hits me in the face. Poop ALL over it. 

I get everyone back in the house, and set to get the poop out of the bottom of his shoe. What's P do? Proceed to take every bottle of baby shampoo, put them in his mouth, and them throw them like he is the Hulk into the bath tub. 

Get everything cleaned up, grab P, run into his room quick to get a Fresh Market Thermal I had to mail today, pick it up..and it falls out of the bag.

I almost lost my shit. (like I almost went nuts....)

I had to put Parker in his crib and walk out of my house. 

I decide at this point, Bernie is coming with us. I don't have the patience to dog proof. So I get all the kids in the car and leave. 

I decide on the way that if anyone looks at me funny for wearing a tank top when its only 56* out I will politely say...."do you have a one year old? No? Then don't judge me." 

I'm f'in sweating. 

Best part? I get to the UPS store and find out it will cost me $100 to ship 3 things. 

Perfect. 

I didn't mail them. Wasted trip.

Pinterest Find:

Delusional Lady and Target

Why does every trip to Target result in me blogging?

In case you didn't notice, its pouring out. 

Pouring. On and off all day. 

We shall start this journey there.

So I am driving to Target, two hands on the wheel, trying not to let the wind take me off the road. I pull in and try to park strategically. I see the *perfect* spot. Not too far from the door...and right next to a cart return.

It would be perfect. I could run back to my car in the rain, but my hatch would shield me as I leisurely unpacked my groceries, all while chuckling at all the poop people who had cars....who didn't have a hatch! (I just saw my "poop" typo...and its too good to delete.It should say "poor" but poop is a good alternative.) 

Anyways, I grab my coupon binder and head it. Luckily I was able to dodge the rain at this moment. 

To start, I wanted to find this frozen pasta stuff I had gotten for P before. Do you think I can find it?? If someone was like, "PAM! You will win a MILLION dollars if you find that damn frozen pasta again!!" I wouldn't win.

How is it that I can be like drawn to it the first time....then after I learn my kid loves it, never find it again? I walked around the frozen food aisle at least 3 times. 

Throughout my trip there were LOUD cracks of thunder. So loud it sounded like I was outside, on a hill, next to a tree, that had a megaphone on it to funnel down the thunder to me. Too much? I'm tired. 

It is interesting to watch people react. It was so loud that I jumped almost every time. People would nervously look around and laugh at each other and comment on the rain. 

When I stopped to get lunch meat, the deli lady and I had a whole discussion on how it was just our luck the that on again off again rain would be "on again" when we were both about to leave. At that point it was pouring and all I could think about was my awesome parking job. I would be able to unload my groceries in peace.

I get to the checkout and size up my overflowing cart. I have learned my lesson with couponing. If your coupon is for multiple things, like buy 3 pastas get a dollar off, put that stuff at the end of your purchase. That way when their computer prompts them to make sure you bought enough you don't have to dig through all the bags to prove it. That happened to me once...with like 3 coupons. So embarrassing and annoying.  

Anyways, I put up a divider and start to put my things on the belt. All of a sudden the women ahead of me is pushing my things back. 

 She stood there frantically trying to push back my divider and then when that didn't work, she just started to push my food back.

I don't know why I was grossed out. She was touching all the food I was about to buy, but I'm sure 19 people before her had touched my food as well. Who cares though? I was about to buy it, put it in my kitchen and her germs were getting all over it.

 Why was she touching everything you ask?

Because it was touching her bread. "I don't want it smooshed." she mumbled.

Really?

I barely ever make it to the checkout without my bread being smooshed, and if I do..it most definitely doesn't make it home that way. and if it does make it home...it doesn't make it inside that way. 

She was delusional. 

Stop touching my food swan.

So anyways, its pouring. Like God has turned on the tub faucet and was wasting water. I took comfort in knowing I will only get a little soaked.

I run to my car....open my hatch.........and I'm still getting wet. The inside of my car is getting wet.

The stupid wind was blowing the rain right at me. 

I hate sideways rain.

These are kind of stupid...but the first video of the panda is awesome. You need a laugh...

4th Floor

We went to visit Ilya today. She is in the ICU and hopefully gets out tomorrow. They found a bone marrow donor! The person is an international donor. Hopefully she will be strong and healthy enough to receive the transplant. 

Please keep her in your thoughts and if you pray...say one for her and her family. They need them. 

I was scared to visit her. That is why I didn't go sooner. I was scared how I would feel after I left. Scared I would cry in front of her. Scared I'd say the wrong thing. 

How selfish of me. 

I was scared about how I would feel...I didn't stop to think that her mom feels like that every minute of every day. Didn't think about how maybe our visit would give her a distraction for an hour. 

For the record, I didn't cry in front of her. I was so impressed with her.  She is the same ole Ilya. Full of life. Still sassy. Still loves animals. Talking about driving and riding horses. 

I did cry on the way home. After Target. You can only make your mind think of other things for so long. 

I cried for Ilya. I cried for her mom. I cried for all the other families in the 41 other rooms on the ICU floor at the Children's Hospital. I cried for the nurses on that floor that have to struggle with their emotions daily. I cried because it was a beautiful day and all they could do was look out the window and hope to be able to go outside sometime before summer ends. 

I cried the most for the family we saw on the way out. 

They were sitting by the elevator. The mom was on a bench with 3 women huddled around her trying to console her. Asking her questions, telling her it would be ok. She just had her hand on her face and was shaking her head. The dad....he was staring at the wall. 

Just staring. 

I will never forget that. His staring. I can only imagine why they were there. On the 4th floor. 

I tried not to look in the other rooms. They deserve their privacy. I accidentally looked in one while we were waiting to get the ok to go in. A little girl was sleeping. I had to look away.  

On the way out, I accidentally looked in another room. It's so hard not to do. There was a crib. 

A crib. 

When I got home I hugged Thane and cried. 

Then I went and made Parker get off his Cars car so I could kiss him and hug him. Unfortunately, he was pissed that I got him off his car. So we didn't snuggle much...but I got my kiss. 

I just put him down to bed. I let him fall asleep in the chair with me. Today reminded me that you need to savor every moment with your children....you never know. 

Spring Cleaning

I got in a spring cleaning mode today...and last night. 

Last night I tore Parker's room apart. Put away his 12 month clothes and hung up 24mths/2T clothes. Oiy....that's big. I got boxes out and marked them 3T and 4T and up. Because yes....I have clothes that big for him. Not that many...but a few. 

That is how I knew it was time to go at the consignment sale on Thursday. I found an awesome Badger jersey with pants for $5. It was a 5T. I now own it. Yup...I have a problem. 

Anyways, I packed up our board games from the living room closet. I had hoped it would make that closet look less cluttered for ALL the showings we have. (insert sarcasm). Epic fail. While I put a bunch of games away...now I have no where to hid all the papers that the games were covering up. 

Great. Now I have to really organize it. Ugh. So I skipped that. Board games was enough.

Moved on to my room. Man....bad idea. What a project. 

I went through my closet. If you got my SnapChat you will understand how horrible that was. I cleaned it out big time. So now at least that will look nicer at showings. 

I decided it was time to throw away sports bras I have had for like 6 years. My rule today was: If you haven't worn it in 5 years and the elastic is crumbling because it is so old...throw it away! Um...I threw away 4 sports bras. 3 pairs of shorts. and some Old Navy tank tops that have seen MUCH better days. Thew away my favorite top to a sleep set. A sleep set that I wore when we came home with P. A sleep set that I tore a hole so big in the crotch I at one point put my whole leg through it on accident. Ya..it was time for the top to go too. 

Cleaned under my bed. Threw away a bunch of magazines and a gross old gym bag. I should probably vacuum under that are some point. I did find my 5lb weights! So that was exciting...it helped me with my workout tonight! 

Tackled my dresser. Guess what I found in that?? A pair of jeans that FIT! A pair of pants I could wear to work that FIT! A pair of shorts I love that ALMOST FIT. I can at least button them..but I have that unsavory roll. You know the one. Ick. 

Hopefully by the time I want to wear shorts I will be able to wear them without that roll. 

I did some leg work tonight. Go me!! Burpees were involved. As were reverse lunges. I probably won't be able to walk tomorrow. 

That is all for today folks. 

Jk...I have more to say. I really like this quote. I'm glad I just found it. I did exactly this tonight. I was all like....ugh Seal Jacks? No thanks. Reverse lunges...I can't do those. Burpees? Ugh..they suck.

I did them all anyways. 

Tape Measures Don't Lie.

No. and you can only pull them so tight to get to the next inch mark.

Trust me...I just tried. 

Apparently taking 2+ weeks off at the gym doesn't help you lose any inches?

huh...good to know.

Parker and I just went to grandma's today to get a jogging stroller. Since it's going to be 60 tomorrow, I wanted to take it for a spin.

On the way home we saw SO many people running. Apparently its a good day to run. A fantastic lady, a super motivated lady..we shall call her Tonya to keep her identity private...just ran 8.5 miles this morning. 

Maybe since I just got a *jogging* stroller I should join them?

It took me a while to talk myself into it. We got home, P napped and I watched a little TV. P woke up and we played a little bit...and I was restless. It is such a beautiful day and we were wasting it. 

So I got us ready to go.

 Have you ever tried to get ready for a run with a 1 year old knowing you have to leave a 110 pound dog who loves to eat everything behind? 

Here is how it goes: Throw on some running pants. Grab Parker from eating something out of my jewelry armoire. Grab a sports bra. Redirect Parker away from the toilet. Find a tank top. Move a glass of water before P tips it over. Throw on a long sleeve. Catch Thane's alarm clock before it hits the ground. Put on a sweatshirt. Run to grab everything that Parker needs to wear. Wrangle him so I can put his shoes on. ( I literally had to hold him down with my leg while trying to get his shoes on...while he was wiggling and screaming and kicking..and laughing?) Put his coat on while he was digging in a bathroom drawer. Put his hat on. Go move the garbage cans into the bathroom so Bernie wouldn't eat the contents. Quick scan of the kitchen. Opps..Parker's cookies are still out. Put cookies away. Go back. Get Parker. Put his hat on again. Go to the garage. Unfold stroller. Put Parker in. Try to strap him in while trying to not let him play with the knobs on the gas grill. Put down garage door..good to go.

Easy peasey! . 

Did I mention that Frannie and I are doing a 5k? ya. She pinned Couch to 5K, so I'm assuming she is doing it...and I decided I'm going to join her. 

Now you have to.

So I did the couch to 5k tonight. Does anyone do it? I can't figure out how to time it without having to stop and restart the alarm on my phone. I would love some tips. 

I really wish my subdivision, or the entire town of MH for that matter, wasn't total hills. I of course had to run my minute on a huge hill...and wasn't able to recover. I stood in my driveway after, took a snap chat, opened the garage door, and decide to go walk it out. My heart was going to explode. So we walked it out...and I ran again. Go me!

So here is a stat check since the 1st of the year.
* "Bust" -3
* Under boob area -2.5
* Waist -3.5
* Belly Button -2.5
* Hips -3.5
*Butt -1.5
*Thigh -1.5

Not the best numbers...but at least I have lost in all the areas? I guess. At least it's motivation to work harder this month! 

Thanks to Lauren I have found a sweet new app. It builds workouts for you, like weight lifting. Thanks to her and this app I no longer have no excuse not to lift.

Motivation? Found it. 

This isn't what I did today, but I like it.