4th Floor

We went to visit Ilya today. She is in the ICU and hopefully gets out tomorrow. They found a bone marrow donor! The person is an international donor. Hopefully she will be strong and healthy enough to receive the transplant. 

Please keep her in your thoughts and if you pray...say one for her and her family. They need them. 

I was scared to visit her. That is why I didn't go sooner. I was scared how I would feel after I left. Scared I would cry in front of her. Scared I'd say the wrong thing. 

How selfish of me. 

I was scared about how I would feel...I didn't stop to think that her mom feels like that every minute of every day. Didn't think about how maybe our visit would give her a distraction for an hour. 

For the record, I didn't cry in front of her. I was so impressed with her.  She is the same ole Ilya. Full of life. Still sassy. Still loves animals. Talking about driving and riding horses. 

I did cry on the way home. After Target. You can only make your mind think of other things for so long. 

I cried for Ilya. I cried for her mom. I cried for all the other families in the 41 other rooms on the ICU floor at the Children's Hospital. I cried for the nurses on that floor that have to struggle with their emotions daily. I cried because it was a beautiful day and all they could do was look out the window and hope to be able to go outside sometime before summer ends. 

I cried the most for the family we saw on the way out. 

They were sitting by the elevator. The mom was on a bench with 3 women huddled around her trying to console her. Asking her questions, telling her it would be ok. She just had her hand on her face and was shaking her head. The dad....he was staring at the wall. 

Just staring. 

I will never forget that. His staring. I can only imagine why they were there. On the 4th floor. 

I tried not to look in the other rooms. They deserve their privacy. I accidentally looked in one while we were waiting to get the ok to go in. A little girl was sleeping. I had to look away.  

On the way out, I accidentally looked in another room. It's so hard not to do. There was a crib. 

A crib. 

When I got home I hugged Thane and cried. 

Then I went and made Parker get off his Cars car so I could kiss him and hug him. Unfortunately, he was pissed that I got him off his car. So we didn't snuggle much...but I got my kiss. 

I just put him down to bed. I let him fall asleep in the chair with me. Today reminded me that you need to savor every moment with your children....you never know.