My First Week Back..

Went way better than I thought it would.

I thought I'd be strong when I left Parker, and yet there I was...telling his nanny about his meds, and losing it at the same time. Then I stood there clutching him and just let the tears roll. Better there than at work in front of everyone...

I was thankful that almost all week he was awake before I went to work, so we got some playtime and smiles before I had to go in. :)

On my first day back, I was driving to work and I only cried half way. Then I cranked up Eric Church and was ok. For about a minute and then I cried again...

Got to the parking lot, took a deep breath, and went in. 

I made it all day, did a great job, until I got flowers...then I cried. My friends are the most amazing people I know, and they were sweet enough to think of me on my first day back. I am thankful they are so supportive.

As far as exhaustion went, I did great on Monday and Tuesday, the rest of the week?? Not soooo much. 

As far as crying the rest of the week? Nooot so much. All of our parents are great, but them asking me every day how I was doing, if I was happy to be back, if I loved being a mom-it got to me. It took everything in me when they'd ask not to let the tears out. Its just easier to try and not think about him...and what I may be missing.

On that note- one mom asked me how being a mom was and if I just loved it. My coworker looked at me puzzled and said..."That's a silly question, do you think anyone ever says "No..I hate it!?" Ha! I replied.."well if you ask them in the first two weeks they may not be so enthused about it." ;)

Anywho..His picture is on every computer I have to log on to, so that helps a lot. They are funny ones...so every time I see them I can't help but smile and stare for a few seconds. His picture is also on my cupboard so when I have to work on my computer..I can still see him ;)

I made it to Friday. I survived.

When I got home I sat down with him and hugged him tight....and cried.