Embrace the Craving.

Cravings are an interesting thing.

I have no idea why you get them when you are pregnant. I don't feel like googling it.

I like food to begin with..even when not growing a human. If I have dinner set in my mind and then Thane swoops in and changes it without giving me plenty of notice...I get pissed. So imagine how unreasonable I am when there are two bellies to feed.

Very.

The interesting thing with pregnancy cravings, or at least with mine, is that if I don't eat what I'm craving and I choose to eat other things..I am not satisfied until said craving has been shoved in my face.

My kids are stubborn. They want what they want. The older one is proving that right now actually.

Sometimes, if I don't eat what I'm craving I swear I'm going to lose it. It's all I can think about. What can I say? This girl likes her food.

With Parker I didn't have many cravings.

I definitely did not and do not crave pickles.

With P I HAD to have a Chocolate Chocolate Grandma's Cookie (like the kind we got in 8th grade at snack time) and a Mountain Dew..every day of the work week. This was one craving that if I didn't go get..I felt I wouldn't survive.

Oreos was another one..as many of you remember. No wonder P loves them now.

That's all I can really remember that I HAD to have.

This time around its a only a few things:

• Shed pizza. This was my very first craving with this kid. Of course my husband wouldn't go get it for me...at 11:30 at night. I thought husbands were supposed to drop what they were doing, or in this case crawl out of bed, to make their pregnant wife happy. Guess mine  missed the memo on that one. So instead I cooked a Target pizza..and ate almost the whole thing. 
• Subway Philly Cheese Steak. Of course this is the most expensive sub on their menu. Of course I NEED a foot long every time. 
• Macaroni and Cheese. wtf. Who craves Kraft Macaroni and Cheese? Me apparently. Good thing it is also on P's list of 5 things he will eat right now. Thane however...is not enjoying this dinner choice.
• Fruity Pebbles. The other night we had this big dinner and all I could think was how much I wanted a bowl. So about 20 minutes after dinner I sat on the couch with my bowl of sugary deliciousness and Thane just looks at me, "Feeding the baby now?" Sigh...he really gets me :) 
• My mom's spaghetti sauce. I could eat spaghetti every night with that sauce...Thane on the other hand...not so much. he likes the sauce, just not on night 3 of having it :) 
• Chicken Wraps. I wish the cook at work would make them more.....oh my god..its Chicken Wrap week!!! Yeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssssssss!!!

That kind of seems like a lot of things...

At the moment, I'm craving my bed. 

Peace out. 

Did I Stutter?

So last night we are having a movie night and when Nemo was finished we didn't change the channel. America's Got Talent was on and usually I'm not a fan, at all, of these types of shows. They bore me. Oh...you're a great singer. Good for you. Oh you can dance? Amazing! I can't but huge props to you for learning how!

I watched a few minutes of the show, knowing Thane would want to change it, but we got sucked in with the first act. and then the next act. and then the act after that. We didn't want to change it. 

The final act came out and its a 21 year old guy with curly hair. He opens his mouth and can't talk. He stutters on almost every word. 

I got a little peeved. I thought they were showing his act to make fun of him, or it was part of his act and he was making fun of people who stutter. 

Nope. Not at all. This poor guy was playing softball and the ball took a bad hop and hit him in the throat and damaged something. Now he stutters with every sentence. 

I stared at the tv in shock. 

What a terrible accident. I can't imagine how much that had to have hurt, and now his entire life has changed. He does comedy now to cope. How amazing and brave.

Here is a link I found: Stuttering Comedian

As someone who stutters I can't imagine getting up on stage in front of a live audience and talk. 

In my experience the following things really suck:

*If I have a witty comment in a conversation, its a lot less funny when you can't spit out a word in the middle, or you have to repeat it because you said it so fast no one heard you..annd then you stutter while trying to say it again. The moment is gone and it's no longer funny. 

*I can't order a Miller Lite. 

Luckily, I hate Miller Lite, but when you go to college in Milwaukee a lot of bars didn't have many other options..or they always had a good deal on Miller Lite. Ya, try going to the bar and getting a bartender to finally pay attention to you, knowing they have like 3 seconds to get your order and move on, and you have to say a phrase that you can't get out of your throat because the words always seem to get stuck. 

Mortifying. 

I finally stopped drinking it, no matter how good of a deal it was, and I refused to order it for anyone. 

*My job in college was calling people to ask for scholarship donations. Really dumb job to have when you can't talk. 

*Our wedding day. 

Obviously not all of it, just that I was obsessing about the vows. I knew I would stutter through them standing in front of like 300 people. How embarrassing. Thank God I was so focused on Thane that the words all came to me. 

My triggers are stress and being really tired. 

Being pregnant is horrible for it. The first month this time around I had forgotten how bad I get, but I finally realized I couldn't talk because I was constantly exhausted. It was *really* hard to give tours at work during this time.

First off, in the afternoons I was so tired I could barely concentrate and then add in the fact that I can't focus enough to get out certain words...ya. Embarrassing. 

I have found ways to cope, ways to refocus my brain quickly so I can get the word I am stuck on out. I know that words that start with "M" are a big obstacle for me. Which is really fun because we service the Middleton School District and for some reason I can NOT say Middleton anymore.  

Anyways, the point of this blog, if you are talking to someone who is stuttering, don't be an asshole and make fun of them. It makes them feel like shit and is really embarrassing. 

Chances are, if you make fun of me when I'm trying to talk, I will stop talking all together. Sometimes it takes enough effort to even say anything...I don't need people point out that I stutter. 

Trust me. I'm well aware. 

For me, if you know the word I'm trying to say and I'm struggling, please for the love of God, say it for me. I don't get offended...I appreciate it. It's more embarrassing to sit there with my mouth open trying to force the word out than for you to just say it for me. 

I recently found out that not everyone feels that way though. Some people do get offended when you do that. It throws them off and makes it worse. So if you know the person well enough...ask them. 

But in the meantime, just let them talk and be patient. 

The Main Difference Between Moms and Dad...

So I'm not trying to rag on my husband here..I swear...but there is one main difference in being a mom and dad.

Sleeping.

When Parker gets up out of bed and actually leaves his room he has to shut his door behind him. If we aren't in our room, he has to shut our door too. 

Not a bad thing considering his door is really loud when he pulls it shut, so it alerts us if he is up. 

So last night we are sound asleep at like 1 am when all of a sudden...WHAM!! P is up and out of bed and not in his room anymore. 

I am always the one to jump out of bed and get him because Thane needs to sleep. I don't like him to be awake at night and then have to go to work and mess with live wires. Cept now....now he has a cushy office job. He can get up at night. 

Last night was his night. 

So, P slams his door and I about jump out of my skin. I groan and push Thane in the back. "Huh?" He says all sleepy. He didn't even wake up!? How? It sounded like a friggin bomb went off in our room and he didn't even flinch. 

"Go get your kid."

He rolls out of bed and stumbles to the end, "Why where is he?"

"I don't know...not in his bed."

"Well where...OH MY GOD!"

I'm drying right now. P has this habit of either standing in the doorway unsure if he can come in...or he creeps up next to you and whispers by your head. Both are creepy. Like Children of the Corn creepy. Only its our kid...and he doesn't like veggies. 

Apparently last night he was just standing in the doorway looking at us. Holding his blanket from T and chewing on his Stink. Apparently he startled Thane and he jumped back...almost falling into our foot board. 

I laughed...and fell back asleep.

K, now its 3am. P coughs and my eyes fly open. Thane...snoring. 

330 am...P whimpers and says "mommy?" Eyes fly open. Thane...nothing.

4am...P is screaming and Thane jumps out of bed. I think I woke him up with all my getting in and out of bed..and it was definitely his turn again. 

I told him to just bring P to bed so we could maybe get some sleep. 

I woke up in the morning and felt P next to me and I smiled. I thought "Oh how cute..he is all cuddled up next to me" I finally force myself out of bed and look at him.

Nope. 

Zero cuddling. 

This kid is laying sideways in bed. He had just had his head shoved in my back for the last hour. At least Thane got his feet. I luckily never get his feet. He kicks a lot in his sleep.  

Bottom line..I realized last night that I don't think I have had a decent night sleep in 2+ years now. 

Just Let Me Complain

Just let me complain. Just a little. It's new. I swear. I don't think I complained much or at all with P's pregnancy...so I get to now.

Yes I know it's worth it. Yes I know I should cherish every moment because it could be out last one. 

But for the next 10 minutes I'm going to complain. 

My shoulder has been killing me. Just killing me. 

I finally went to the chiropractor and found out its because my left side is totally out of whack. Between holding Parker on my left hip all the time and holding the phone at work on my left shoulder I have messed up my left side. It's ridiculously painful.

Yesterday it hurt to hold a box full of 50 cds in my left arm. Really?

Last night I was trying to get comfortable before bed and noticed I was sighing a lot. I informed Thane I sound like him when he is in in pain or sick...and I was annoying myself. 

Then I said, "I know you have fractured ribs...but let me bitch for a minute."

I can't lay on my right side because my progesterone shot from last week is starting to hurt. I can't lay on my left side because my progesterone shot from 2 weeks ago *still*hurts and my shoulder makes me want to cry. I can't lay on my back because I could end up killing our baby or something along those lines..and it hurts after awhile. And obviously I can't lay on my belly or our baby will end up with a "face like a pug." (Quote from my coworker).

I suck it up and lay on whichever side doesn't make me cry, but it is still frustrating. 

The progesterone shots are a killer. 

The shot itself is fine, its the after shock that is bad.

It's like having a bruise the size of a globe on your back, that forms like 4 days after you get it. I didn't think the one from last week hurt, until I touched the shot site directly on Amanda's counter at work and almost collapsed from the pain. 

That was fun. 

Today I thought I'd be fine getting it...as long as they didn't inject in the same spot. If they had poked the same spot I'm pretty sure I would have died, or something else dramatic like that. 

Wrong. It was gross today. So gross.

Loved my nurse. She has had 2 c-sections, like I'm going to. Didn't breastfeed and had a horrible experience with it, like me. I loved talking to her and was hoping it would really distract me from the shot. 

Nope. Even through our conversation I could feel the shot oozing through me. It was warm...I didn't feel that last time. 

It wasn't pleasant. 

I always (ya know..the whole 3 times I have had it) have to keep reminding myself to breath and to not lock my knees so I don't pass out. Today I got to lay on the table when she gave it to me...and good thing because I definitely saw spot and probably would have passed out if I was standing up. 

I read that sometimes women can have pain down their hamstrings. My nurse today gave the shot a lot lower than the previous nurse so now I'm worried this may happen. 

Best part of the shots? So far I have gotten to hear the heartbeat every week. It doesn't get old. 

And trust me. I would take this shot every day and live with whatever pain that would cause if it meant our baby made it to at least 36 weeks. 

So for now, I will let the pain settle in and lay on the couch rubbing my bump hoping for a kick.

Cause in the end...no matter how much pain I get to experience this time... I can't wait to meet this kid. 

Becoming a Submissive Wife

We were laying in bed Sunday night channel surfing when Thane stops the guide and says "Um...The Submissive Wife's Guide to Marriage?"

I saw it was on TLC so I said..."Flip to it!" and we watched it for a while.

We watched a few minutes and I said "Oh..I already do all of this...." and giggled a little bit.

Thane just stared at me in disbelief...and he definitely noticed that I couldn't say that without laughing. "mmmhmmmm"

We watched a few more minutes and I was like "Yup...I'm definitely submissive." and laughed again. Thane made some comment and I informed him that he wouldn't know what to do if I was submissive. He'd be in such shock. 

Then I realized it was 10:20 and told him to record it and we fell asleep.

Fast forward to today when I finished the show.

Some pointers I picked up:

• It is in the wife's "job description is to help her man, serve her man, submit to her man, and sleep with her man.” It is in the husband's "job description" to provide for her, be the head of the household, and to treat his wife with respect and love. 
• After his long day at work, he shouldn't have to come home to another job. Everyone in the house should drop what they are doing and greet him at the door. If need be, put the dog upstairs so they aren't the first one to greet the husband. There should be appetizers and a cold drink waiting for him. 
• The wife should be doing all the chores at home. I don't know if this includes lawn mowing and picking up dog poop...that wasn't covered. Cause in my book...that is Thane's job. He is way faster at both! 
• You should fill your man's "love tank" often. Something about his testicles hurting. 
• Your marriage will be stronger if you practice this way of life. 

I was sitting there listening to the 3 families talk, because apparently they could only find 3 families that practice this way of life,and thought "hmm....maybe I should try some of this. I could take some stuff off of Thane's plate. 

When is the last time I filled his "love tank?" It has been in the last month..check! 

I was currently doing laundry and making dinner...check!

I was on the right road...thinking maybe I could adopt some of these ideas and then this family started to discuss their 11 year old getting social media and the wife did NOT want her to get it. Then another main point came out. " I will have to talk to my husband. He is the head of this household and he has the final say. I answer to him, but he answers to God."

I stopped in my tracks. 

Heeelllllllllllllllllllllllllllll no. Thane does NOT have the final say in this house. We talk it out and make the decision together. And I do not answer to him.....unless he witnesses me bringing in 8 bags from the mall. Usually I'm good at hiding them though so this doesn't happen often/

Never will I tell my children...well Dad has the final say on some important topic, Unless we have already talked about it and I know the answer is no. Then I will say that.....cause he will be the bad guy :) 

I thought maybe tonight I would try taking everything off his plate though...it might be a nice change for him.

and then he got home.

I did greet him at the door with a kiss and a "How was your day? Did you get the butter?"

He went to change and I yelled "Hey! Can you go pick up the dog poop? I think Bernie pooped in the neighbor's yard."

Then I asked him to take out the garbage...and unload the dish washer while I finished dinner. 

Opps. 

Apparently this house is more about team work. Especially when I work until 6 at night and come home pregnant and exhausted.  

I should have known that being Submissive just isn't for me. I got irate when I called US Cellular to change something on our plan and they told me I can't do it because I'm not the primary account holder. Um...I write the check every month thankyouverymuch. It was so degrading for me to have Thane call him to make a simple change. I made sure he promptly put me on the plan. 

I think what we have works just fine for us. Ya know....both being equals. Obviously I look to Thane for guidance. He is my husband and my best friend..that is what you do.

In reality, these families have a strong faith in God and the Bible, I will not judge that. Good for them! But these women have taken it to the extreme. While interesting....it's not a life for me or a majority of the population. 

I did make brownies tonight though! #awesomewife

Parenting Mistakes

It's 4 am and I can't sleep. 

All I can think about is the mini-tantrum P threw earlier...and how I could have handled it better.

Before you go there, no. I am not the mom that puts everything on herself. I know my child can be wrong, but so can I. 

My child is VERY strong willed. He is very smart. He is very active. He loves to be outside. He loves to do things he shouldn't do.  

My child also can't express himself like other 2 year olds.

I honestly don't blame him for getting frustrated sometimes. How would I feel if I was trying to tell someone something and they clearly had no idea what I was saying? I have had those phone calls where the person has NO idea what I am saying and I want to tear my hair out. At the moment, that is pretty much P's life.

Our personalities, mainly the strong willed thing, clash. I want what I want now...and so does he. We both can't win. 

How I react to the situation can help both of us kinda win though. and when I say kinda win...I mean survive.  

Today for example, I go to pick him up on the playground and make my first mistake. We hang out for a bit while I talk to my co-workers. If we would have left right after he saw me, he would have been fine, but he was having a good time and we didn't have real plans so I let him play. 

I have always vowed not to be that parent. 

We have some come in while their kids are playing Kinet and then stay for about 30 minutes to 45 minutes longer than they need to just to give their kid some more time playing. I have a HUGE problem with that...and now that I am typing this I see I am setting P up for the same attitude as those kids. My excuse: he is playing outside..he needs that...who cares if he plays a few extra minutes. 

Sorry P...we are done with this, or at least I now know a better to get you to leave after. In case you're wondering, if you tell him to say good-bye to something he feels better about it and more willingly leaves. Yes, we have said good-bye to countless inanimate objects. 

Next, I tried the walking away thing. 

He went down the slide one more time and then I said "Ok! Let's go!" and started to walk in. He looks at me..and runs back up the stairs for the slide. I walk away, inside, and across the room and I hear him going "Mommy? Mommy?" Thinking I got him, I step back where he can see me and say "Come on! Let's go to the park!" 

He doesn't care and goes up the next step. He knows he shouldn't, that is why he hasn't gone down the slide already, but he is testing me. 

Why didn't I keep walking away? Whey did I not let him out of my sight line? Because then he becomes the teacher's responsibility again. That's not ok with me. They have enough going on with the other kids, I need to take care of my son. 

So now I'm slightly annoyed and my hands are full of his bedroll, stinky, Mother's Day gift and my keys. I go outside and tell him we are leaving again...and he tries to go up another step. 

Nope. I go up the stairs and pick him up. aaand he starts to yell. 

Picking up a screaming toddler is a whole new ballgame when you are pregnant and you don't have a free hand to block any feet that might swing your way. He managed to worm his way out of my original grasp and I ended up carrying him around the armpits off the playground. Or maybe I picked him up that way, because that was the only way I could get him...who knows?

I am not sure why I carried him as far as I did, this situation wasn't helping and I clearly couldn't have carried him to the car like that. Next mistake. 

Thinking more about this, I should have carried him inside. Set him down and talked to him until he calmed down a bit. 

Rationalizing with a 2 year old? 

I know what you may be thinking, but sometimes it works for him. I should have explained to him that we were in fact going to a park and then having a good dinner. He understands what you are saying to him and if I had given him a chance to understand that we were going to go play, he would have calmed down a bit to walk out of the room with me. 

I feel that lately I have gotten better with being calm with him when he is like this, but today I messed up. My actions-- how I was carrying him and my facial expressions-- set the tone for what people can say about the situation, think to themselves, and act with him in the future. 

I by no means want to be the type of parent that tries to rationalize everything with their child, but I don't need to overreact either. 

I could have put my things down and spend a minute or 2 hugging him and getting him to calm down. I should have been a better example to the people around me how to handle these tantrums. 

I know the main triggers to his tantrums (and leaving a slide is one of them) I should be showing by example how to handle them. 

Sometimes when he has a tantrum in public, I focus more on just getting him out of that situation by whatever means necessary, because A. its beyond embarrassing and B. no one wants to listen to him scream. He is loud. 

Sometimes when he has a tantrum or doesn't listen at school I feel like I have something to prove. No I don't put up with these behaviors. Neither of us do, but you know what? at 7:45 am sometimes I just need to walk away from my child when he is not listening. He is inside. He is safe. He can not listen and then get mad I'm not reacting. When he is done he can give me a hug and we can say hi to the fish.  

I learned something about parents today. 

When they walk in with a crying child, don't comment. 

Just smile and keep walking. 

Usually my comment is something stupid like, "I know..I feel the same way."

Why do I need to comment? To make that parent feel better about their crying, screaming child? No. There is no reason to. So lesson learned with that one. 

When it comes down to it: I love my child like crazy and I am his advocate. I can't let my frustration make the situation worse than it needs to be. How I react to a tantrum shows others how to act...and I don't want people to react like I did today. 

For the record: he was a rock star at dinner...and so was I :)