Sympathy Pregnancy

3.19.15

I have heard about them and always wondered if they were possible. Thane didn't have one with Parker, but this time....who knows?

The other day we were talking about his work and he randomly mentions how hungry he has been. "Ya, I eat my breakfast and then I'm starving around like 930. I barely make it to lunch and then around 2:30 I need to eat again...and then by time I get home I'm SO hungry."

Sounds an awful lot like my life right now....like exactly. So I teased him about having a sympathy pregnancy, when in reality it is probably because he climbs 8 flights of stairs like 70 times a day right now.

Then I gave into my jelly bean craving and bought two bags. I open them, have a few and put them away. A few minutes later Thane wanders into the kitchen and takes the bag with him back to the living room...and proceeds to eat like half of it. 

I just stood tehre with my mouth open watching him devour my pregnancy craving and being pissed because now when I "needed" them at 1:30 in the morning..they would all be in his damn belly. He finally looks at me and stops mid-hand shovel, "What?"

"Well, I didn't realize I was needing to feed your craving for jelly beans as well..."

He just shrugged and said, "Ya;...me either!"

To top it off, we had a Pi Day bridal shower so I was able to come home with some pie. Some amazing pie. 4 slices of it. 

I eat one...and it was delicious. I forgot to mention to Thane that if he ate the rest I would hurt him. 

So a few nights ago I am sitting in bed at 10:30 watching TV when suddenly I'm all like, "I NEED toast. Right now." I crawl out of bed and walk to the kitchen, and what do I find?

My husband. Bent over our kitchen table. Reading the paper, shoveling my pie in his pie hole, with the fridge door WIDE open. 

I just stopped and stared. Once again...mid face shovel, "What?" 

"Well why the F is the fridge door open?!!? and is that my pie!?" I look closer and there is 1.5 pieces left. 

He closes the door and goes "Um..I thought it was our pie?"

I looked at it, "How many pieces have you had??"

He grins..."This is my second?"

"And you would have eaten that 3rd if I hadn't just come out...don't you touch that 3rd piece."

"Well...I mean I wouldn't have eaten it tonight....but ya. I would have had it for breakfast."

UGH! I find it very interesting that at the exact moment I had a craving...he was already filling his. 

For the record. I ate my pie the next night...at 2am. 

Stop judging. 

Hungry Hungry Hippo

2-17-15

When does the extra hunger kick in?

I am hungry...but I think the amount and how often I'm hungry is all in my head. There is no reason a baby as big as a poppyseed wants an egg, a bagel and then is still thinking about what is for lunch.

No, I think that is all in my head.

I should probably be careful because I'd like to actually show with this baby. I hate that awkward "Is she fat? or pregnant?" stage. I have a fear that may be my whole pregnancy.

I forgot that I stutter big time while pregnant.

Being tired is already a trigger of my stuttering, so as you can imagine it is pretty prevalent during pregnancy.

I had to give a tour today and it took everything in me to spit out every word...and stand up straight. No more coffee is slowly taking at tole on me.

Obviously its for a fantastic reason, but man. A stutter and no coffee? Ugh. But I guess it is better than getting sick every morning for 5 months.

Naps are quickly becoming my favorite thing in the world again. Today I had to stay late at work and instead of going to do my errands before I got P...I took a nap in the back. If it was warmer I would just go sleep in my car like I did when I was pregnant before...but no way today. It was bitter cold out!

1st Trimester Screening

4-16-15

We opted out out of this for Parker because it didn't matter. No matter what happened during that test it wouldn't change our minds. So what was the point?

This time we decided to do the screening.

Honestly, I really just wanted the ultrasound because our first 2 really sucked. We also thought it might be a good idea to just have a heads up in case anything were wrong with B Sutts II.

We did decide that we wouldn't take it past the ultrasound. If anything abnormal showed up we would deal with it and see what happens. At least we would know beforehand and not find out at birth.

Today was said test. Thane couldn't come with me because he had already gone into work late this week and he was going to try to be at P's program, so I went alone.

Bad idea.

Woke up this morning and rushed around getting ready. I had to be downtown by 8:00. Great time to try to get downtown. Dummy.

I go out to my car and notice that P's car seat isn't put back in my car. The car seat that I have *never* put in. I grumble and walk over to Thane's truck to put my stuff in when I realize I'm about to take his gigantic truck downtown Madison. No. Dumb idea.

So now I'm pissed. Beyond pissed. I have 4 minutes to figure out how to put a car seat in that I have never put in before. Great. Just great.

I call Thane and surprisingly hold back from swearing....and I manage to get the car seat in.

We head into work and of course I get stuck behind every slow person in the world. In. The.World.

Get to school and I try to rush Parker in. Ya.....that was smart. I pretty much had to leave him at the front door while I punched him in for the day. Then I had to go back and drag him away from the door because he was silently protesting walking into school. He is getting really good at that.

I rush him into his room, rush him to wash his hands, but I don't rush my goodbye. I never rush that. I hate saying goodbye to him in the morning. I gave him a million kisses and a pep talk for his concert, set him by his BFF and left.

I pull in the garage at 8:02...I was supposed to be there at 8 to check in. I am starving. So starving I'm drooling over the thought of a banana.

I walk in, stressed out about the time, and am hit with the most amazing coffee smell EVER. I miss coffee. So much.

I walk to the front desk...and then turn around. I need some food or I may pass out at this 2 hour appointment. I stand in line to by a yogurt parfait and when it is my turn she takes my card...and the guy who was in front of me broke the coffee pot handle.....

Seriously? I have 3 minutes to make it to my appointment and now everyone's attention is on the fricking coffee pot. "How could this happen!?" "Oh my gosh! How do we fix it!?" "I'm so sorry..it's been a morning!"

Come on..can I have my card back? I really need to go....

I finally get my card and walk to the elevator while reading my directions...its not feeling right. I turn around to the front desk. They ask me if I have pre-registered...to which I reply, "No...I'm a wreck right now."

Apparently, I was registered and I almost got on an elevator to the wrong place. Sweet life Pam.

After I did my paperwork I was left to my thoughts...and I got nervous. What if the tests showed something? I wished Thane had come. This was a lot to deal with on my own.

The genetic counselor came to get me and she was amazing. Sweetest person ever and put me at ease right away.

We went back to her office to talk things over and get some information on our family. I was fine up until the point where she gave me some paperwork on the illnesses they could find and we started to talk about it.

Obviously I knew what they were looking for, but when you actually hear a medical person tell you that they could find life threatening issues with your baby...it's a whole new ballgame.

I held back my tears as long as I could. It wasn't that long.

After that emotional meeting, I got to sit on a hard bench and wait to see my baby. This was the point where I really really wish Thane was with me.

The ultra sound tech came and got me and we headed back. She had the driest personality I have ever had the pleasure of taking too for about an hour too long.

So began the most uncomfortable and emotional ultrasound I have ever had.

First of all, she had to push so hard to get the type of pictures that she needed for her measurements. It really took away from the experience and the joy of seeing my child. When you have to breath through her rolling over your belly. Ugh.

When she got to the part where she measured the thickness of our babies neck to see the chances of our baby having down syndrome were, I couldn't take my eyes off the screen. I think it is if it measures over 4cm, the chances are higher for down syndrome. So I held my breath with each measurement she took..and tried to keep it together.

At one point, the baby wasn't cooperating and I had to get up and walk around. Hey..anything to prolong this wonderful experience.

Thankfully, in the end, every image showed that he was ok. No awful life threatening disease and from what she could tell no down syndrome.

If we decide to have a 3rd...we will *not* be doing this test.

Although, when I was telling another ultra sound tech that I wouldn't do this test again she did make a good point. "Wouldn't you want to know if your child wasn't going to make it very long after they were born? Wouldn't it change the way you parent for that short time?"

She told me that some of the diseases they can catch during that screening, they wouldn't catch right away when the baby was born without the screening. So, when you put it that way..maybe we would do the screening again...

Nights are Long...

The other night was night 2 of Thane staying up for a final feeding while I go to bed around 10. This way I get a few solid hours of sleep, and he helps out but gets to sleep through the rest of the night because he has to work. 

Well...its the idea that I'd get to sleep a solid few hours. 

Of course at this point, we were on night 2 of the awesomeness known as cluster feeding. 

I crawled into bed, exhausted while Thane stayed up with J watching TV.

I woke up to J screaming during a diaper change...and ya know, stayed in bed for a while. Thane could handle it. 

I woke up again to him crying and I checked the time. 

11:48.

I realized Thane needed to be up in 5 hours to go to work. I needed to get my ass out of bed and take his spot. 

He was finishing up feeding Jensen so I just sat with him. I was going to let him burp him..and most likely get puked on. It was too early in my night to have that happen.

He sighed, looked at me and said "He can smell fear."

I shook my head. "No babe, that was Parker. Jensen can smell sleep. The second you lay down, get comfy, and close your eyes he wakes you back up." 

Cluster Feeding

is the reason babies come out so cute.

They have to be...because cluster feeding is awful. So when you're feeding them for the 900th time...just 1 oz at a time...at 3am you still look at them and smile and sigh because they are just so dang cute. 

That was my night last night...but I was smiling at him through my tears at 3am because I was beyond tired. 

Rewind to about 8pm when I was falling asleep sitting on the couch. Sitting..not laying. Thane told me to go to bed, but it was Saturday night...I was not going to bed at 8! So I toughed it out. Doing the head bob thing when you fall asleep and jerk awake. 

At one point, I gave him a hug and said, "I just want to sleeeep!!" He asked if I wanted him to take the shift tonight. I in fact did NOT want that. We had family pictures the next day and he had some side work. My response: "No, as much as I want sleep, I want you to not be crabby tomorrow even more."

He didn't say anything and then,"I can take the first shift?" Deal.

So I finally went to bed at 10:30. I know I know...I get pretty crazy on Saturday nights.

Thane brought him in around 11:45. 

Since my kid's stomach is like a clock, this meant I had exactly 3 hours to sleep some more.

11:50...he poops.

11:55....he is fussing.

11:56...I change him

11:58...put him back in his sleeper

12:00....still fussing.

and so my night begins. I would feed him 2 ounces, burp him, and try to get him to sleep..but he was always looking for more.

I tried putting him in his swing because that always works. What baby doesn't love their swing? Mine. 

And right now, he barely weighs anything so even the lowest setting makes it seem like he is going to be launched across the room. I can't sleep with him in that thing right now. It makes me nervous. 

I know what you're saying...well feed him more then. 

Ya. We are having issues with feeding. One of them being if we even feed him a half ounce more than he is used to, he throws it up. But if we wait for a bit, chances are he is will be ok. 

So this is how our night went. 2 oz at normal feeding time (1 oz every other time), he closes his eyes and looks like he is ready to sleep, lay down, quiet just long enough for me to settle in on the couch and wait, then cry and nuzzle for more. 

Repeat. 

Until 2:45.

I apparently was moving a little slower than usual because Thane came wondering out of our room. J had been crying longer than usual. I stared at him and said, "I've been up since I left our room."

He offered to feed him, but I was almost done, so he just sat by me and rubbed my back. (Because he is the best husband in the world) and when J was done eating, we went to bed.

Put him in his sleeper, crawled in bed, got comfy, sighed and closed my eyes...he started fussing. 

Thane got up right away and I told him to come get me in 30 minutes..I only needed to sleep for 30 minutes and I would be good to go. Cat naps are what I am surviving on right now.

3:15 he comes back to bed and J sleeps til I wok him up at 8am this morning.

How did Thane do it? 

Just gave him 1 final oz.

Really?

Really!? 

I would have done that too but I was scared he would throw up and then we would start all over. 

He cluster fed 7oz over a course of 4 hours. He normally eats 2 oz every 3 hours.

I am thankful that he is keeping food down though. It hasn't been going well. That's another blog post. I definitely want to remember that terrible week. 

The Final Post!!

We had been asking about every day when J would be circumcised; mainly because we were nervous about it. 

Parker, who was born 5 weeks early, had an issue when they tried to do his. Every time the doctor went to snip, he would bleed. A lot. So much that we had to have it done at the Children's Hospital. While the pediatrician was waiting for the bleeding to stop, she just left Parker strapped to the table, without a blanket on. When he came back to us I could tell his temperature had dropped big time (something we had been battling our entire stay.) They had to bring in a huge warming machine, that was broken, because skin to skin wasn't enough. Long story short...it was awful and scary.  

So with that being our history with this procedure..needless to say we were a little nervous. 

We ask on Tuesday, and they say they aren't sure..but we will know soon.

Wednesday the pediatrician flies in our room and says she is there to take him to get his procedure done....while we have 5 people visiting us and 1 on the way. 

She looked around and was like, "orr we can do it tomorrow?" I said that Thursday would work much better...and man was she annoyed. 

So Thursday rolls around and everyone is asking us if we are leaving that day...which we weren't. We had planned on staying til Friday. Got a little bit of grief for that decision. The pediatrician asked if the ob-gyn oked it....someone asked if the pediatrician oked it...our cleaning lady thought we had already left...

I turned to Thane while they had taken J and said, "Well shit, if this goes well let's just go home. Apparently everyone is shocked we are staying anyways..."

It was fine though..I was going crazy. I missed Parker. I missed Bernie. I wanted to go home. 

They brought J back and proclaimed that he did great and there were no complications! Such a relief!!

The nurse leaves and about 3 minutes later Jensen loses it. Just loses it. Cries like he hasn't cried before. He doesn't cry much :) 

We try to shh him, swaddle him better, walk around with him. Nope. Screaming. 

We figured maybe he had peed and it was irritating his procedure. Thane opens his diaper...

blood *everywhere*

all over his diaper...dripping into his diaper.

It was the most horrible thing I have ever seen. 

Of course I freak out right away. Thane, the sensible thinking one, tells me to call the nurse in while he gets him a new diaper. 

The nurse walks in and checks his diaper while Thane explains what happened. She looks at the diaper and is like, "no, that's a normal amount of blood. I wouldn't worry about it." Thane points to the diaper he had just taken off.  She looked at it...and left to get a doctor.

At this point I am a mess. Jensen is screaming. I'm scared to touch him because I don't know if we move him if it will hurt even more.

Thankfully, they came in pretty fast. The pediatrician doesn't say anything, checks his diaper, hears about the other diaper and mumbles, "I didn't think there would be a problem." 

Thank God for Thane. He is really my rock. He stepped up big time at this moment. I sat there on the bed silently crying watching all of them look over Jensen, while he stood close to hear what they were saying. I physically couldn't stand there and listen. I didn't want to hear. I just wanted them to make the bleeding stop and fix our baby. 

The ended up taking him back to the circ room. They had all the tools they needed there and much better light. I look at Thane, "Ya. We are staying tonight."

They came back and had applied some surgi-foam on his penis, which made it look like a mummy. So weird...and terrible to see. Apparently when Thane took the diaper off, it pulled off a scab that was starting to form. The foam would help protect the scab and then we had to put like half a tube of Vaseline in his diaper as to not disturb the foam when changing him. 

Our doctor told us we would be staying the night and that the nurses should be the only ones to change him until we leave. 

He wasn't screaming anymore. 

Just thinking about it now makes me cry. My poor baby. 

Every time we had a shift change the nurses would come in together and change his diaper. The old nurse wanted to make sure the nurse coming on knew about it and how to do it. So my child, because he is my child, no more than 3 minutes after they would leave...he would poop. Every. Time.

It became a joke.

Friday rolls around. Discharge day!!!!

2 doctors from the preemie floor came in to check him over. They apparently see this more than other doctors do? They looked at him for a minute or two and said they weren't worried about it at all. It would heal nicely, just make sure to keep putting Vaseline in the diaper to keep it moist. 

The pediatrician came in to check him and was surprised that the foam was still on. She told us we *had* to see our doctor on Monday. Hopefully the foam wouldn't fall off before then...and left.

Thane and I looked at each other. "Hopefully???" I may have sworn a bit. How frustrating. We had to hope the foam didn't fall off and then hopefully it wouldn't start bleed everywhere? Awesome. It was going to be a long weekend. 

We started happily packing up our house...cause that is how much stuff we brought. She came back about half an hour or an hour later. 

Since we live so far away from Madison she wanted to send us home with the necessary tools to reapply the foam if need be. Of course, I took a step back and let Thane learn. We were obviously still hoping it would stay on until we got to see our doctor, but it gave me peace of mind knowing that if it did we could fix it without a co-pay. 

(It finally came off on Tuesday, my first day home alone. Awesome timing.)

So went got to bust out of the hospital around 1. Headed to GiGi's to get cupcakes to thank Joy and Alec for watching P. Well to thank Joy. Alec we stopped and got him beer. Then we went to work to get Parker! 

We walked into his room and he was playing with his friends. He finally looked over when someone was like "Parker's mom!" He got a huge smile on his face "Baby Jensen!!!!!!" 

Ya, he was excited to see us, but not the "I haven't seen you guys in 4 days!!!" excited. More like, "Oh hey mom and dad. Glad you're here. Let's go home."

I bent down and he came running over to say hi to his brother...along with ALL his buddies. He stood there with his hand on Jensen, looking at his friends, saying his name. It was adorable. 

I had a circle of 10 two year olds crowding around me. One kid touched his head annnnnd I had enough. I passed him over my head up to Thane so I could hug on Parker. 

His posse left me and crowded around Thane. Like circled around him and moved in. Some kid kept putting his hand in Thane's pocket. The rest of them were reaching for the baby. It could have been a zombie movie. 

We finally were ready to go and headed home..as a family of 5. 

You can't forget about Bernie!

Birth Story...Part V

I get in the operating room..and its as scary as I remember it being.  The difference this time was that I had time to build trust with my nurse and the doctor I loved were right there with me.

It is not the easiest to sit still during the medication needle while having awful contractions. My nurse was pushing on my shoulders, which I'm pretty sure she has to do to keep me straight, but it was really comforting. When she could stop on my shoulders, she held my hands so I could squeeze them. Between that and my doctor next to her telling me I was doing great and telling the anesthesiologist to stop because she could tell I was contracting...It was a way better experience than with Parker.

They didn't forget about Thane this time. As soon as my blue curtain was up, they went out and got him.  

The surgery itself went really smooth and fast. I didn't feel much. I could feel tugging..and that was gross. Well, I couldn't really *feel* it...I just knew it was happening and could feel my body moving. Very weird sensation. 

The anesthesiologist told us that J was about to come out and I made Thane watch. Which I'm sure was amazing..and disgusting at the same time. My anesthesiologist gave me a play by play. "here comes his butt....oh his feet! His belly..........his shoulders...oh his head! He is out!!"

Then I heard him cry. I cried. 

What an amazing sound. 

He was ok!

I can't believe how fast he came out and how fast the surgery really was. It seemed to move so much faster then with Parker. It did take forever to stitch me up though! That was unpleasant too. 

Thane went to help clean J up and then he brought him over to me. He was perfect. Adorable. Safe. He asked if I wanted to hold him. Of course I did, but like with Parker I had no idea how to hold him on my chest without dropping him off me. I'm laying flat and not a lot of me wasn't covered by the blue tarp. 

My nurse Tamra, steps in. "Do you want to hold him?" Me: "ya..but it's ok. I think I'd drop him." She shook her head, took him from Thane, "You're holding him" She expertly laid him on me to do skin to skin and I cried some more. It was amazing. Such a great feeling.

I could actually kinda see him too. It's hard to see your baby when he is swaddled and someone else is holding him. I say kinda because he was kinda right at my chin. Like I said, not a lot of room up there during the surgery...but it was enough. And I was so thankful. 

I loved that nurse. She was pushy..but for all the right stuff. She is really good at her job and I'm lucky she was assigned to us :) 

We got to the recovery room and watching Thane was adorable. 

This man couldn't stop staring at Jensen and smiling. Literally. I think his face must have hurt after a while because he was smiling SO much. I tried to talk him out of texting people because it was like 11:30 when he wanted to do it, but ya...that didn't work. He was too pumped up. 

I loved it. The next most amazing thing to having a baby...is to see your husband react like that to said baby.  Makes you love them even more...which I didn't think was possible. 

We ended up being in recovery for a very, very, long time.

Thane and I were just staring at J when our recovery nurse got on the phone and we hear her say, "She went in to AFib. Twice." She said some more stuff, hung up, and left. 

I looked at Thane, "Um...who went into AFib?????? She doesn't have another patient does she?" Thane just shrugged and looked as confused as I was. 

She comes back with Tamra and my doctor. They look at the screen and Dr Yanke turns to me, "How are you feeling? Any shortness of breath? Any dizziness?" 

Me, "No? I mean I am shivering but I'm assuming that's because I just had a pretty big surgery?"

Yanke nods and tells me that I went into AFib twice for about 10 minutes...or with in 10 minutes of each other..which ever one makes more sense. I'm no doctor and I was drugged up. 

Another thing I missed because of the drugs? Why Jensen's ear was folded over like he came out with cauliflower ear. Apparently he was mushed up against my uterine wall for a while and his ear got bent. It has thankfully since unfolded and looks normal again :) ...until he really does get cauliflower ear. 

So anyways, there were a few options of what was going to happen. Either I had to go to the cardio floor so they could monitor me. Thane and J could "hopefully" come with me, but they needed to monitor me for a few more hours or all night to make sure I was ok. The other two involved going to the baby floor and something else happening there. The only option I really heard was that I may not be able to spend the night with my husband and new baby. 

Thankfully, I was able to go to the baby floor and they could remotely monitor me from the 11th floor. Thank god because then I could stay with Thane and J.

My nurse was a float on the baby floor and the cardiac floor..she was the best of both worlds and she was my favorite nurse the entire stay. With that being said...Meriter nurses are *amazing*  I loved them all and they were so helpful!!

They finally took me off of the monitors a few hours later, I think, because everything appeared to be totally normal again. They had to be sure to call the 11th floor and tell them I didn't need to be monitored anymore....or they would think I died. 

Everything went great..until J's circumcision. Ugh.