All I can think about is the mini-tantrum P threw earlier...and how I could have handled it better.
Before you go there, no. I am not the mom that puts everything on herself. I know my child can be wrong, but so can I.
My child is VERY strong willed. He is very smart. He is very active. He loves to be outside. He loves to do things he shouldn't do.
My child also can't express himself like other 2 year olds.
I honestly don't blame him for getting frustrated sometimes. How would I feel if I was trying to tell someone something and they clearly had no idea what I was saying? I have had those phone calls where the person has NO idea what I am saying and I want to tear my hair out. At the moment, that is pretty much P's life.
Our personalities, mainly the strong willed thing, clash. I want what I want now...and so does he. We both can't win.
How I react to the situation can help both of us kinda win though. and when I say kinda win...I mean survive.
Today for example, I go to pick him up on the playground and make my first mistake. We hang out for a bit while I talk to my co-workers. If we would have left right after he saw me, he would have been fine, but he was having a good time and we didn't have real plans so I let him play.
I have always vowed not to be that parent.
We have some come in while their kids are playing Kinet and then stay for about 30 minutes to 45 minutes longer than they need to just to give their kid some more time playing. I have a HUGE problem with that...and now that I am typing this I see I am setting P up for the same attitude as those kids. My excuse: he is playing outside..he needs that...who cares if he plays a few extra minutes.
Sorry P...we are done with this, or at least I now know a better to get you to leave after. In case you're wondering, if you tell him to say good-bye to something he feels better about it and more willingly leaves. Yes, we have said good-bye to countless inanimate objects.
Next, I tried the walking away thing.
He went down the slide one more time and then I said "Ok! Let's go!" and started to walk in. He looks at me..and runs back up the stairs for the slide. I walk away, inside, and across the room and I hear him going "Mommy? Mommy?" Thinking I got him, I step back where he can see me and say "Come on! Let's go to the park!"
He doesn't care and goes up the next step. He knows he shouldn't, that is why he hasn't gone down the slide already, but he is testing me.
Why didn't I keep walking away? Whey did I not let him out of my sight line? Because then he becomes the teacher's responsibility again. That's not ok with me. They have enough going on with the other kids, I need to take care of my son.
So now I'm slightly annoyed and my hands are full of his bedroll, stinky, Mother's Day gift and my keys. I go outside and tell him we are leaving again...and he tries to go up another step.
Nope. I go up the stairs and pick him up. aaand he starts to yell.
Picking up a screaming toddler is a whole new ballgame when you are pregnant and you don't have a free hand to block any feet that might swing your way. He managed to worm his way out of my original grasp and I ended up carrying him around the armpits off the playground. Or maybe I picked him up that way, because that was the only way I could get him...who knows?
I am not sure why I carried him as far as I did, this situation wasn't helping and I clearly couldn't have carried him to the car like that. Next mistake.
Thinking more about this, I should have carried him inside. Set him down and talked to him until he calmed down a bit.
Rationalizing with a 2 year old?
I know what you may be thinking, but sometimes it works for him. I should have explained to him that we were in fact going to a park and then having a good dinner. He understands what you are saying to him and if I had given him a chance to understand that we were going to go play, he would have calmed down a bit to walk out of the room with me.
I feel that lately I have gotten better with being calm with him when he is like this, but today I messed up. My actions-- how I was carrying him and my facial expressions-- set the tone for what people can say about the situation, think to themselves, and act with him in the future.
I by no means want to be the type of parent that tries to rationalize everything with their child, but I don't need to overreact either.
I could have put my things down and spend a minute or 2 hugging him and getting him to calm down. I should have been a better example to the people around me how to handle these tantrums.
I know the main triggers to his tantrums (and leaving a slide is one of them) I should be showing by example how to handle them.
Sometimes when he has a tantrum in public, I focus more on just getting him out of that situation by whatever means necessary, because A. its beyond embarrassing and B. no one wants to listen to him scream. He is loud.
Sometimes when he has a tantrum or doesn't listen at school I feel like I have something to prove. No I don't put up with these behaviors. Neither of us do, but you know what? at 7:45 am sometimes I just need to walk away from my child when he is not listening. He is inside. He is safe. He can not listen and then get mad I'm not reacting. When he is done he can give me a hug and we can say hi to the fish.
I learned something about parents today.
When they walk in with a crying child, don't comment.
Just smile and keep walking.
Usually my comment is something stupid like, "I know..I feel the same way."
Why do I need to comment? To make that parent feel better about their crying, screaming child? No. There is no reason to. So lesson learned with that one.
When it comes down to it: I love my child like crazy and I am his advocate. I can't let my frustration make the situation worse than it needs to be. How I react to a tantrum shows others how to act...and I don't want people to react like I did today.
For the record: he was a rock star at dinner...and so was I :)
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