Breastfeeding for P didn't go well. In fact, I hated it.
Yes, I just said that.
I'm sure some of you just cringed and are thinking, "What the hell is wrong with her?! Breastfeeding is the most beautiful and natural thing in this world!"
It was not a beautiful bonding thing for me.
It was 10 minutes of my child screaming bloody murder while I tried to find any way to make him latch. It was 10 minutes of biting back tears. It was 10 minutes of wondering what I was doing wrong. It was 10 minutes of feeling like an absolute failure...several times a day. and then 5 minutes of pulling myself together after I passed him off to Thane for his formula.
Then sometimes...it was 25 minutes of me pumping only to get 6 oz. 25 minutes of pain to feed my child 1/4 of his meal.
Meanwhile, Thane gets to cuddle him and feed him his bottle.
To me, that was not enjoyable. I began to dread feeding time. I was relieved when Thane would agree to just do a bottle. Then I could sit and rock with my baby and just stare at him and get lost in his little features. No tears. No stress. No screams. No failure. Just smiles. and ALF...there was a lot of AlF being watched.
I think we tried for 2 or 3 weeks to breastfeed and it didn't get better. He maybe latched twice. Those two times were amazing. He was so happy. I was happy. The world was happy. But it was only twice.
The doctors think it was because P was so early that my body didn't have time to get fully ready to produce. They think that because he was so early he didn't have that latching motion down or have the ability to have it down. We already had to supplement with formula because he was preemie...so that didn't help either.
I will never forget our last visit with P's first doctor. This is why I believe in fate. This doctor was in our life for a reason..no matter how short it was.
We had new insurance kicking in in just a few days and P had to go to the doctor because he was very very congested. We are sitting there talking and he asks how breastfeeding is going.
I instantly felt guilty and we say, "ya..not well." He nods and asks how many ounces I am getting each time. I sigh, "About 6 to 8."
His jaw dropped. "For 3 weeks??"
I nodded, close to tears.
"You should be getting so much more than that. Why are you still doing this?? Why are you putting yourself through this? You don't have to breastfeed! Do you need me to tell you to stop?"
I nod slowly.
"STOP! You don't have to do it! Formula is great!!"
and I burst into tears. Trying not to sob.
It felt like a 2 ton weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
He then stocked us full of samples and sent us on our way.
Parker's new doctor, whom we love, is a renowned lactation specialist. She would not have been so quick to help me with my problem. Maybe I took the easy way out, feel free to think that, but it was the best decision for our family and I thank God we had our 1st doctor.
I still got to spend time with Parker and bond...and so did Thane.
I think it is great when you breastfeed, don't get me wrong. I used to be jealous of it.It is a beautiful thing and I'm sure the bond you create is just fantastic.
But you know what? Not everyone can. Not everyone loves it. It drives me nuts when people act like breastfeeding is the only way to go or when they make negative comments about formula feeding. Parker turned out juuuuust fine thank you very much.
Everyone parents different and they have a reason for doing so. This is why I really liked that video that had every single type of mom in it, which of course I can't find. The one with breast feeding, formula feeding, stay at home, working, organic, over protective etc...and the end message was in the end we are all parents. Stop judging each other.
Found it!! We are all Parents
Shit like this "comic" is what pisses me off:
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